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My mom has always been like that.. scared of her own shadow. She was always overprotective and told me what bad things could happen.. I don't know how I ended up so carefree lol. I told her once that I'll go jogging along the lake path at night with my earbuds in.. and she's like, "That's so dangerous! What if somebody sneaks up behind you and you can't hear them?" I told her there's always other people on the path and I've never felt threatened..
I agree with your mom! I am nervous depending on where I am walking at night. I would never run at night. My girlfriend runs at night sometimes alone sometimes with her husband. I think she's nuts!
I agree with your mom! I am nervous depending on where I am walking at night. I would never run at night. My girlfriend runs at night sometimes alone sometimes with her husband. I think she's nuts!
I again think all this depends on where you live. No matter were anyone is there is always going to be a chance that someone will randomly try to harm you. However in some places the risk levels are much higher.
I live is a city and part of the city with a very low crime rate. So if the statistical odds are really low of something happening I think using general caution for anyone is always wise ... but avoiding doing things all together is just silly. For example when I am coming home late alone ... the only people usually out in my area are me and the racoons. Every 30 minutes the bus passes by and the occasional car. I rarely see anyone else walking around and if they are out they are walking home or to the bus and also have their head phones on. I come home late alone most nights and have never had a problem. So should I give up going out and coming back late or start paying $15 bucks extra each time to take a cab from the subway... no. There is no reason.
Every time you wake up each morning you are taking chances. If the odds are low then why impression yourself due to fear?
I think there would always be bad people who will try to hurt others, no matter if you're living in the safest or most dangerous place or if it's late at night or even during the day.
When you've watched a lot of news about these happening almost every day, you become paranoid at some point too.
It all depends on where. Walking alone to your car when a movie lets out is safe, walking alone in a deserted parking garage should have red flags going off.
It's not just the night time that's unsafe. I remember years ago, when our road trip took us through Kansas. It was daylight and we pulled into a rest top with only one van parked. I opened the door to the ladies room to see two guys and a woman and what looked to be a drug deal going on. I quickly backed out and was heading towards our car, when I noticed one of the guys had followed me out. He was right at my elbow, very quiet, I never heard him come up. He was tall, skinny and pale. What really creeped me out was the total lack of expression, his face was completely blank. When he saw my husband and large white Shepherd at the car, he slunk back.
It never occurred to me that a rest stop in the daytime could be dangerous. Unfortunately, there are plenty of druggies and mentally unbalanced people. Dogs, pepper spray, significant others, all very good to have when walking alone.
I used to be a carefree, confident young woman who felt I could go anywhere and be safe because I was a fast runner and always stayed aware of my surroundings.
I was attacked once by a man much larger and older than me. I wrote it off as a fluke. But when I was attacked a second time, by a serial rapist no less, I realized that I was being reckless and that I had to do a better job of keeping myself self. For a long time, I was angry because I felt strongly that I should have the right to go anywhere without being afraid of violence. Life had taught me otherwise, and the unfairness of that lesson made me resentful. But I knew, at the end of the day, I'd rather be safe than sorry.
I fought so hard against the serial rapist that I'm sure he wasn't prepared for it. I was a slight young woman, but I'd been weight training and running all year, and I was unexpectedly super strong. I escaped badly shaken and phoned the police as soon as I reached home (running). They were there in minutes, but by that time I was shuddering all over and my teeth were clattering together in shock. The rapist himself was caught later with deep bitemarks in his thumb pad and on the side of his hand. AIDS was unknown then, so I had heedlessly bitten as hard as necessary to get free.
Reading the harrowing post in this thread about the attack in Vegas, and hearing similar stories from women I know, I feel so lucky to have escaped with just a bad scare. Later that year, I quit running my daily route because another young runner from my school was dragged from the running path into the bushes and violently raped. I spoke with her some time afterward at an Anti-Violence Against Women meeting on campus. She had become a shadow of her former self.
kgordeeva, it's good to be confident and carefree. However, you're not as safe as you think you are.
Yup. As another poster noted, being alone after dark in an empty parking lot and similar situations makes my skin crawl. At 5'2" and being a little bit of nothing all of my life, I guarantee that there is nothing intimidating about me.
So all you 6' guys out there who think women are paranoid for being afraid of having to sprint to our cars in the dark, poof to you. You're the ones we have to be wary of to start with.
Obviously all men aren't going to attack a lone female. But when they do, we historically have heard a lot about how we were asking for it, or we weren't "careful enough", whatever that's supposed to mean, even from the guys who insist they would never attack a woman. That has a definite effect on how safe we feel, or don't feel, alone at night.
Yup.
It's a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation.
And it's very deliberate too. Meant to dehumanize the victim and make the assaulter look like just a nice guy whose life shouldn't be ruined because of a mistake...after all what did she expect?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bygeorge
I imagine every person kidnapped, assaulted and murdered thought it would never happen to them. I am amazed at how easily we have come to accept that women are routinely assaulted, disappear and there is no national outcry. Same with human trafficking. We are in a sad state.
Of course there is no national outcry...the post in bold above makes an excellent point.
Damn right I'm very, very careful if I'm out and by myself at night (and I don't really walk my dogs at night by myself and try not to be alone at night if I can help it). That doesn't mean I don't "live life" but I'm extremely vigilant if going to my car in the dark and I always look in all directions.
Even then it might not be good enough someday no matter how paranoid or vigilant you are and there will be plenty of people to make it out to be all your fault. That will never change.
I again think all this depends on where you live. No matter were anyone is there is always going to be a chance that someone will randomly try to harm you. However in some places the risk levels are much higher.
I live is a city and part of the city with a very low crime rate. So if the statistical odds are really low of something happening I think using general caution for anyone is always wise ... but avoiding doing things all together is just silly. For example when I am coming home late alone ... the only people usually out in my area are me and the racoons. Every 30 minutes the bus passes by and the occasional car. I rarely see anyone else walking around and if they are out they are walking home or to the bus and also have their head phones on. I come home late alone most nights and have never had a problem. So should I give up going out and coming back late or start paying $15 bucks extra each time to take a cab from the subway... no. There is no reason.
Every time you wake up each morning you are taking chances. If the odds are low then why impression yourself due to fear?
No one is saying to never go out at night, but rather to be aware of the dangers and be vigilant. If possible, go with a friend, there's strength in numbers. Watch your surroundings and be aware of safe places to take refuge, and places where bad guys can lurk (bushes, alleys, doorways, behind parked cars, in a van. Keep your guard up if you see some one approaching you. Don't put yourself alone with an unknown person in a car, garage, house, apartment, business, etc, especially if you are feeling a creepy sensation in the back of your mind/pit of your stomach. If you walk late at night in sketchy areas carry a "dummy wallet" or money clip with a bunch of $1's and used up gift cards to throw if you are mugged. Throw it away from your intended direction of flight. Then run, yell, scream, kick, and fight if necessary to get away. You can also carry a small container of pepper spray, or a stun gun. If someone seems to be following you, make a radical change of direction to see if they continue to follow you, then go quickly to a safe, lighted place. If you are worried about someone in a parking lot, go inside and ask for security to walk you to your car and wait until you drive off. Keep your doors locked when you drive.
I know all this sounds paranoid and like living in terror, but really all of these things just come naturally when you understand the risks and the ways to minimize them.
I think that part of the reason that women are more cautious, maybe, than men is that there's the added specter of sexual violence that we're worried about. A man can get mugged, assaulted, robbed, drugged, etc., but the odds that he's also going to be sexually assaulted are very small. Women don't get those odds.
This thread worries me. It is not fair that women should have to feel this way. I maintain that no one has the right ot lay their hands on me and if they do I do everything in my power to ensure they won't be able to hurt anyone else again.
I honestly think the punishment for sexual offensives should be physical ( not just chemial) castration. I am certain it would make people think a bit harder people trying to sexual abuse someone.
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