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Also... Do some people just lack curiosity? I wonder about MANY things that technically don't personally concern me; geez! Then there's the implication that you're being "critical of others"; the positivity police are sure to crack down on one of those posts...
Hello Otterhere. I feel the same way. I wonder about people who say that they don't notice or pay attention to what is going on around them. Are they just trying to hide from the world.
I just can't help it. I've been able to " listen" to several conversations/ situations going on around me since I was a small child. It's not that I try to do it, it just happens. It's not that I'm nosy.
And as for curiosity- yeah strange. I recently asked a cousin about a street in her home town. Same name as her branch of our family. Not a common name. It's two blocks south of where she has lived for over 60 years. I asked if it was named after the family. She didn't know. Probably never even thought about it.
First of all, people generally know a little something about their coworker's financial situation, especially if they're within hearing distance of all their phone calls. Secondly, why would you assume that there is no financial problem when all the evidence points to there being one; just to be "nice"? Thirdly, if someone IS wasting money and spending foolishly on a regular basis, that behavior often results in bankruptcy, which DOES affect us all, thus making it "our own business." Finally, why do you care if someone cares about it?
This is a huge stretch. Sorry, no it is still none of your business.
And no, I don't really want to know about my co-worker's financial situations. It would be very rude to ask them about it. You have some huge hang-ups about "how" people spend their money and you necessarily aren't alone, as I've seen this on many frugality forums: people post there to talk about how to save money, but they inevitably descend into judging everyone else they know about how they spend theirs. The truth is you really don't know about their finances. You are judging them. Admit it.
(I'm going out this evening to an Italian restaurant for a nice pasta dinner with a Chianti wine.)
First of all, people generally know a little something about their coworker's financial situation, especially if they're within hearing distance of all their phone calls. Secondly, why would you assume that there is no financial problem when all the evidence points to there being one; just to be "nice"? Thirdly, if someone IS wasting money and spending foolishly on a regular basis, that behavior often results in bankruptcy, which DOES affect us all, thus making it "our own business." Finally, why do you care if someone cares about it?
Well, here's an example of just that. My co-worker, awhile back, would talk about her husband's DUI's.
She said he got 3 and insisted that their insurance did NOT go up.
This was very pertinent to me since either A: she's lying to me, which would be good to know, since back then we were good friends or B: I'm getting a really raw deal on my car insurance.
Oh and C: You mean all the stories about the financial disasters that DUI's cause, are untrue?
This affects not only me, but all of us! So yeah, I care....
Well, here's an example of just that. My co-worker, awhile back, would talk about her husband's DUI's.
She said he got 3 and insisted that their insurance did NOT go up.
e....
Um.... but DUI's are a crime. So yes, it affects other people.
Eating out at restaurants one one's lunch break is very different. Some background information: This particular poster was digging through other people's lunches in the refrigerator break room, wondering why they spent so much money on food at restaurants. That is how this started out, on another board. People eating out at restaurants aren't breaking any laws.
Whether you "want to know" or not, if you overhear enough conversations and have a logical mind, you'll invariably figure it out.
I think you might be Exhibit A in this discussion, haha.
OK. If you've figured it out, then why do you need to ask other people on a message board?
When people assume that others "can't afford" what they do, or what they have, it's usually because they themselves can't afford those things; so they assume no one else can, either.
Last edited by tassity22; 03-17-2017 at 11:45 AM..
This is my number-one most-annoying pet-peeve response (not only to my posts, but to other people's posts), closely followed by "It's none of our business." If no one posted about things that they shouldn't care about and/or that were none of their business, there wouldn't be any City Data... Is this a form of tone-deafnessness or what? And why are THOSE people posting on City Data?
It depends how the comment comes up. For example yesterday I responded to this comment made by a female who was expressing anger/fustration about people thinking someone with her BMI were fat. She seems extremly angry about this ....
My comment was to the effect of .... the deeper concern may be why you care so much about what other peopel think about your BMI?
I think was comment was extremly fiting. She does not need to defend her weight to anyone and no one should be shaming her about her weight. It was not meant to suggest she should not comment or share her fustration ... more so it might probe her to explain how she feels.
Some times those times of comments are really meant in support of the person ex. Why do people hate me. ... Response ... why do you care ( possible meaning of the writer ...don't let other people drag you down).
Um.... but DUI's are a crime. So yes, it affects other people.
Eating out at restaurants one one's lunch break is very different. Some background information: This particular poster was digging through other people's lunches in the refrigerator break room, wondering why they spent so much money on food at restaurants. That is how this started out, on another board. People eating out at restaurants aren't breaking any laws.
That "particular poster" was ME (City Data drama, anyone?) and, no, I wasn't "digging through" anybody's anything, but that post inspired this post because I got a lot of blow-back for it. I posted in the "Frugal Living" forum that it bugs me to see people leaving take-out or delivery food to just rot away over the weekend only to be thrown out on Monday when it could be eaten by someone while still good. I live very frugally and NEVER waste food, and it does always irritate me to see waste, especially when I know the buyer of the food can't afford to waste it. I simply asked if that bothered anyone else frugal in the, again, "Frugal Living" forum.
Also, I happen to know this "wastrel" HAS declared bankruptcy so, yes, that affects all consumers, as we must absorb those losses.
Obviously, my asking if this bothers anyone is bothering this person a whole lot, as she followed me over here to complain about it.
But this is the "Psychology" forum, so it's good place for it!
Most posters here seem like reasonably normal people. There are a few on CD that only post to put down other posters.Others who only post about all the troubles that befall them. Some who want to be admired for the perfect lives they present here. All sorts of personalities here and in real life.
You can try to ignore the ones who bother you or just shake your head and move on.
I think it's a reasonable question/comment when someone is asking for advice on how to handle something, that they often shouldn't be handling at all. The advice can legitimately be 'this is happening to your brother's cousin's friend, so it's none of your business & you should do nothing'. Is that not a legit response to many advice questions, particularly in relationship type forums?
As for the 'why do you care', I was recently guilty of asking someone here this. I was asking to try & understand why it was a problem or issue for her. I did not participate in the wasting food thread, but if I was & if OP didn't explain why he/she cared, I might ask in an attempt to find out what the underlying reason is that something is important to them, when it does not, on the surface, seem to affect them at all. Such as other people wasting food or strangers jogging in the dark.
The thread where I asked, the OP was very worried & scared for a complete stranger, an adult, who was jogging in the dark, if I recall correctly. I asked b/c it seemed so foreign to me that someone would be so excessively worried abt an adult stranger's minor choices in life. I wondered if perhaps the OP had had a family member injured that way or something, that might make her particularly or overly (in my opinion) sensitive, to what this stranger was doing. I was trying to gather more information as to why she was so worried about it. So to me, it can be a legit question, as long as it's not implying that the poster shouldn't ask the question. It was not a put down, it was a genuine question on my part, to gather more info. Unfortunately, the OP saw it as a put down, but I explained & apologized, that that was not my intent.
I think it makes sense that this comes up a lot in topics that have very subjective answers vs. what material should I use for my deck. When someone asks for advice on a topic with a subjective answer, it seems quite legit to me, that a certain percentage of the posters will think 'to me, it's a non-issue, why do you care'? I guess it depends on the delivery, but I don't see it as snarky, I see it as an attempt to gather more info or to show that they do not see it as a problem. Also, again, when there are subjective answers, I think it can impart good info that can help the OP gauge whether the problem is one they should be addressing at all. For example if someone is asking for advice on a 'my husband's cousin's brother' situation & 40 people respond, 30 of them saying, 'it's NOYB, why do you care'? Then that poster has learned that 3/4 of the respondents don't feel the situation is the poster's business. To me, that can be important information to the OP. It may cause them to take a second look at the problem & question, if it's really something they should be butting their nose into?
Also, I think it's a legit answer for many of the 'is this normal' type questions. Again, if 90% of the answers are 'no, I've never thought about that, why do you care?', that imparts information to the OP, that maybe it's not that "normal".
Last edited by MsMetal; 03-17-2017 at 05:05 PM..
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