How to be sweet and not snappy as a defense mechanism when I like somebody?

[bg7]

Originally Posted by jonesg

When you meet the right one it won't make any difference to him how you act.

Of course it can. Firstly, there's no right "one." If there were, the chances of you bumping into him in America, let alone in the world as a whole, are numerically close to no chance.


There's obviously way more than one possible "one."


Secondly, if you act like an ass to him it may well put him off. So yes, you are doing the right thing identifying a personality change that you put out when you like someone too much, and your attempts to rein that in. Its probably only a brief temporal thing anyway - if you can suppress being defensive long enough for him to get to know you, then the facade will soon drop away anyway.

[Sassybluesy]

Originally Posted by marketa

Thank you for your input. Yes, I do fear loss of control. I have tried therapists several times, but did not feel that they were very helpful/deep. I'll look more into that. Thank you

Marketa, was there a time in your life when something big was out of your control? I don't know...maybe something happened to your parents or someone close in your life? Maybe you were molested or abused by someone bigger and stronger than you? A painful divorce?




Before I met my current husband, I was kind of like you, in that after dating a guy for awhile, I'd usually freak out about us getting too serious...and I'd break up with the guy. Rarely did the guy break up with me...I didn't give them the chance. I was afraid of being so deeply hurt...like I was when my first husband and I divorced.


Soooo...along comes my second husband, and we start dating. He's great! NO red flags, gets along and 'gets' my Asperger's son, treats me respectfully...everything.


Never-the-less, I start freaking out. But THIS time, a quiet little voice in my head said "Let's be objective here...Is he good to you?" "Yes." "Does he like your kids?" "Yes." "Does he treat you with respect?" "Yes." "Then jump off the cliff and trust him to catch you."


And so I did.


If you are with a guy...and nothing is wrong with him...he pushes all the right buttons, and treats you well...sometimes you just have to take that leap of faith.

[tidaldream]

Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.