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This won't be popular, but I'm not sure I'd call your experience molestation in the true sense of the word. It sounds like you could have stopped it at any time, as your same-age cousin didn't hold any power over you like an adult would have. This was a lot different than it would have been if the groping would have been from your father, a teacher, uncle, minister or other adult who held some power over you.
My wife was molested by her father starting at age two until she was 10 or 12 and finally old enough to take a stand and tell him that if he ever touched her again she'd kill him. He also molested her older sister until she moved out of the house at age 16. Who knows how many others fell victim to this horrible person.
My wife still suffers from it, nearly 50 years later. I don't know many details, as she still can't talk about it.
You probably didn't experience any trauma because your situation is completely unlike "most" sexual assault survivors, and making a comparison really does a disservice to everyone.
Oh, so only what you think is an appropriate brand of molestation is allowed to be traumatic (or not)? Are you kidding?
I was always aware when he was doing this to me but I would pretend I was still asleep.
...
Why do you think I didn't experience any trauma like most sexual assault suirvivors do?
I think you didn't experience the trauma because at any time you could have opened your eyes and said "What the heck?" and it would have stopped. The way your aunt, uncle and grandma handled this reaffirmed this to you. So while you feel violated by it having happened, you never lost control of the situation. Likely when you decided to tell you felt you were losing control. Maybe he was pushing it further than your curiosity was wanting to tolerate.
I think you can have a good relationship with him because in your heart you know he meant no harm. If you had protested and he covered your mouth and forced the exact same attention on you then likely you would have the trauma and dislike for him that others feel. If you protested, he turned red, apologized like crazy because he was so embarrassed and he scurried out of the room, never to return, then you would likely have the same OK relationship you have today. If you had told your aunt and she did not act on it then you also probably would have developed a strong dislike for your cousin because he got away with it.
I'm revisiting this to apologize for my sassiness and/or rudeness. It's uncalled for. Indeed, in my first post, I was angry, but the poster probably had not thought through all the implications of her statement. I stand by what I said, but not the way I said it. I do want to emphasize the reality of the trauma that victims of sexual assault go through. In my case, my healing after my rape (by my pastor, no less) was delayed because I tried to be "strong". I was tougher than that, I thought. To be a weakling and freak out around men or have panic attacks going to church. The last thing on this planet I ever want to be is a victim and in this case, I was, and I had to admit it. So for someone to allude that people who suffer after sexual assault are somehow less strong is deeply misguided, and all the psychological literature points to that. So, forgive the spirit in which I said these things, they come from a place of deep pain.
Great post, but your other post was great as well IMO. We should get angry about some things.
I posted here about my uncle molesting me. A poster by the name of SFBayBoomer posted and stated that it was my fault that my uncle molested me because I didn't stop it. When I grew angry, they proceeded to call me unstable and state that they did nothing wrong.
Sometimes we have the absolute right to get upset/offended about some things.
why does it matter how you or someone else deals with it. Youre not them and they arent you. Deal with your demons, not theirs. Its not a contest to see who can deal with crap better.
OMG, this makes me so angry. Stronger person because one is not traumatized? So all the women who are traumatized to the point of PTSD are little weaklings that couldn't take it? Clearly, you have never experienced rape or sexual assault.
And the whole "generally curious"and didn't know it was wrong? Then why did it take place at night, in secret, and not in full daylight in front of relatives?
As a rape survivor, I can tell you that women can be strong of character and still be debilitated by the trauma of sexual assault. It's not just the psychological, but the biological, the body one has to contend with.
Please get your facts straight and think of how your words demean others before speaking.
That's not what I meant at all and I'm sorry you took it that way. I'm just saying that some people are naturally mentally stronger than others.. that doesn't make them any better or worse. There are just some people who are resilient and can push through traumatic events better than others. I don't think it's something you can control..you're just born that way.
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