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Don't want to bore anybody with my sob story but let me tell you the point of me posting this:
1. I don't feel close to my family. I have a hard time talking to them. When I call my mom, it makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable because I know she wants to get off the phone. I send my little brother a "happy bday" text and he doesn't respond. He only texts me when he needs something. I overheard him say to my older brother that he feels like I "attack him". Not sure what he even means by this. I don't attack him physically and according to my memories, I helped him get his current job and have tried to help him apply to colleges and give him advice. I have never tried to hurt him on purpose. We all play jokes on each other but for some reason when I try and joke with my little brother, he takes it negatively, yet he jokes on me all the time. Anyway, it hurt me badly when I heard that.
2. All my friends are dead. At least metaphorically. I don't know where any of them went. Any new friends I make, it seems like they all run from me once they get to know me.
Point of my post is, I feel like I'm living a long, lonely life in a world where everybody is dead and it's just me wandering the streets. Honestly don't know what I'm still doing here. Have a hard time focusing on anything because of my depression. I've been fighting it for so long but this constant emptiness nags at me. I have nothing to live for. Maybe time to get a dog. And be like Legend.
PS I've tried seeing therapists in the past but I have only liked one out of all the therapists I've tried. Honestly it's very tiring to try and find the right one. And expensive.
Not enough information Kelly. But I do hope that you seek some help with the depression.
People are gregarious by nature. I am, and have made a handful of friends in all of my 60 plus years. True friends.
My wife on the other hand, could care less about meeting new people, and I am her only friend besides her sister.
Maybe not value friendship so much, and concentrate on your own self-worth and career?
I am certainly not a therapist, but I see my wife's point in not dealing with people at some level.
Many can be cruel, even if they don't think they are being that way.
Just read many of the posts and responses on this board.
edit: Your title of thread. Read some books, get involved with your community, help with a charity you believe in. Yes, certainly adopt a pet from a shelter if your lifestyle can support that. They need medical care, just as we do, and although not as costly as ours, does involve payment and years of commitment.
I just lost my dog late last year, and he was my best friend, next to my wife. Amazing what having a pet can do for your personality
Throughout our life experience as humans, we attract and manifest certain types of acquaintances and groups of people unknowst to us through our mindset, our belief systems, our actions, and our words. So now, it's time for you to manifest new ones. Get a journal, write down exactly what type of friends you would like to have, how close you want them to be, how big of a group will surround you, what things you'll do together, and etc. Then just go live life as normal, don't worry about it, and those very people will manifest into your life. We are always creating something into the world. So you can essentially "create" a new group of loving, supportive, friends at will.
I think maybe your family is for some reason making you feel you are not wanted. This makes you think there could be something wrong with you, so you become self-conscious around people.
Some of my relatives have done that to me at times.
But I have found it is very easy to make friends by following very simple rules.
First rule, is go out and join things, whatever things you are interested in. If you aren't sure, then try out various things. There are clubs and organizations for just about anything.
Next, be patient and don't expect people to love you immediately. Don't seem too anxious to make friends with everyone.
Next, don't be self-conscious. People will like you if you just show an interest in them and listen to them. That is easy to do, and it works.
I have always been amazed how easy it is to find friends when I need to. I like to spend a lot of time alone, but periodically I feel lonely. I have enough friends now that I never have to be alone if I don't want to. And I know how to make friends if I ever don't have enough.
And I used to be extremely shy and self-conscious, and still get that way sometimes. Because of my family, I guess.
Don't want to bore anybody with my sob story but let me tell you the point of me posting this:
1. I don't feel close to my family. I have a hard time talking to them. When I call my mom, it makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable because I know she wants to get off the phone. I send my little brother a "happy bday" text and he doesn't respond. He only texts me when he needs something. I overheard him say to my older brother that he feels like I "attack him". Not sure what he even means by this. I don't attack him physically and according to my memories, I helped him get his current job and have tried to help him apply to colleges and give him advice. I have never tried to hurt him on purpose. We all play jokes on each other but for some reason when I try and joke with my little brother, he takes it negatively, yet he jokes on me all the time. Anyway, it hurt me badly when I heard that.
2. All my friends are dead. At least metaphorically. I don't know where any of them went. Any new friends I make, it seems like they all run from me once they get to know me.
Point of my post is, I feel like I'm living a long, lonely life in a world where everybody is dead and it's just me wandering the streets. Honestly don't know what I'm still doing here. Have a hard time focusing on anything because of my depression. I've been fighting it for so long but this constant emptiness nags at me. I have nothing to live for. Maybe time to get a dog. And be like Legend.
PS I've tried seeing therapists in the past but I have only liked one out of all the therapists I've tried. Honestly it's very tiring to try and find the right one. And expensive.
You aren't supposed to like a therapist, you aren't there to make friends.
" I have nothing to live for. "
Thats self centeredness, the most effective way to be rid of that attitude is get involved helping others, not giving advice to them but doing real charity work, it will get you out of your "self".
I've been down that long road, it was hard work getting back and free of depression and i made every inch of it more difficult . Thats human nature for ya.
" he feels like I "attack him"."
Consider that to be truth and be grateful you discovered something about yourself that you are blinded to.
WHat else do other people see that you are blind to?
The truth sets us free.
I'm 61 and most of my relatives have passed. I have a husband, but he is there but not there emotionally. My son is in my life, but he is a trucker so he's gone most of the time. I've worked for 40 years and had few chances to make real, lasting friendships. My best friend died about six years ago.
So I am basically alone. BUT I do not feel lonely. I busy myself with my interests and really don't need anyone to make me complete.
Live your life, you have yourself, you don't need anyone else. You are enough.
For some reason, I started reading your post and my first thought was "high functioning Asperger's" - I have no qualifications, but maybe that's something to consider. Perhaps it's just that you sound very matter-of-fact about your situation and your difficulties with close relationships.
As others have put it, your therapist is not supposed to be your friend. Unless you think they are doing damage, you should give any one a couple sessions to click with them. And honestly, I think you would do best with a psychiatrist who can prescribe medications and maybe explore that Asperger question. So much of dealing with depression and anxiety is "faking it til you make it" and a low dose of a medication can put you in the right frame of mind to take those steps.
You need hobbies. Explore some things you'd like to try out. Join some groups - a book group, a hiking group, a running group, etc. Get a dog if you like animals and would be a good owner, for sure. A friendly dog can break the ice with tons of people. I also think reading and writing would help you deal with your situation and maybe find a way to fix it- I would encourage you to journal or write creatively and to read widely.
I currently have a lot of friends, but in that part of my life when I was lonely, I derived significant comfort from my creative endeavors when it came to writing, my reading and above all from my dogs and the time I spent working with them.
I have roomies my age but I don't feel emotionally connected to them. We're still not past that polite barrier yet.
Jrz -- I have spent around 10 sessions with these therapists and still I feel they have not helped me. I spent 3-4 sessions with my last therapist before he made me shut down and cry uncontrollably. I felt he did more harm than good.
Right now I just need something to comfort me. I have had enough of "tough love" and don't respond well to this anymore like I used to.
I did ask one of my therapists if he thought I had Aspergers and he said he strongly didn't think so. I know I wasn't always like this. I definitely feel empty and numb. I did some Googling and read somewhere that it's a sign of grief. I was trying to go out and meet people a few months back but I shut down immediately and felt horrified. I just wanted to hide in my corner and comfort myself. I don't want to push myself if I don't feel up for making friends. If I truly felt like making friends I have been able to in the past. I'm weird by default so it's hard to make friends anywhere I go, but occasionally I will make friends with someone just as weird as me (or I should say interesting, I don't find any of my friends boring).
I think I just had a bad night when I made my OP because I was trying to go out with people but some of them didn't even respond to my texts. I'm taking a comedy class and invited people to go out to see comedy that night but nobody responded. Gotta learn how to deal with rejection better. I was also transitioning from being by myself all the time to wanting to go out with people. I ended up going out with a friend the next day I made this post and that reminded me of how silly I am and how I need to be more patient.
I think I have enough hobbies though (I wish people would stop giving that cliche advice). I feel most lonely on weekend nights and that is when most people go clubbing or you think you're supposed to go out drinking and clubbing. And hobbies aren't done on weekend nights.
I like being by myself just fine. I went to Niagara Falls by myself but while I was there, I thought, I'm fine with this but it would be more fun to share this beautiful sight with somebody I like. I think also with the season change it made me feel like I wanted to be more social and go outside and do things with people. Patience and dealing with rejection are what I need to work on most, I think.
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