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It is more than half year, but I still stuck in the heartbreaking relationship.
He is with other girl for very long but kept telling that he cares about me and kept having sex with me until I found out.
He didn't give me any explanation or apology, just block me.
I have to find out all their stories by myself with very little data from internet.
It hurts me when I found out the solid evidence.....
For the first 3 months, i cry every day once awake.
but now, i cannot stop searching their photo or activities on internet.
Every day, my revenge feeling is getting stronger.
He keeps having good life, good job, going out with her....
I want to tell her what happened to me in order to hurt him....
I want to let his friends and family know what kind of person he is...
It is seriously influenced my life and I have those negative feelings all the time...
I don't know what I can do and how can I forgive myself and set myself free.
Should I revenge ?
It is a natural human reaction to being hurt. But, what you don't understand is that this guy didn't really hurt you. In other words, he isn't responsible for how you feel about him ..... you are.
You want to make your feelings, thoughts, and actions someone else's responsibility, That's why you can't get out of the obsessive loop you find yourself in. You think that if you could exact revenge on him, then that would even things out ..... make things fair.
But, even if you could do this, you would find that you would not feel any better, that's because this isn't about things being fair. This is about your expectations and your unwillingness to change those expectations.
I understand it is not good , but if I can control or just let it go, I will not ask how I can do....
I am in very painful situations every day and almost cannot keep normal life...
He hurts me so deep with all the lies ....
I beg him to tell me all the truth and not let me find out the truth by searching on Internet...
It hurts that I have to spend time to find such little evidence
But Even till last moment, even I found all their photos, he is with her but tell me he is with his parents...
I cannot do anything , only crying for the first month....
During first month,I keep asking and begging him to tell me the truth...
But no answer....
my past few years life was just a game for him....
That is a game for him but it was my life, my true life...
I understand it is not good , but if I can control or just let it go, I will not ask how I can do....
I am in very painful situations every day and almost cannot keep normal life...
He hurts me so deep with all the lies ....
I beg him to tell me all the truth and not let me find out the truth by searching on Internet...
It hurts that I have to spend time to find such little evidence
But Even till last moment, even I found all their photos, he is with her but tell me he is with his parents...
I cannot do anything , only crying for the first month....
During first month,I keep asking and begging him to tell me the truth...
But no answer....
my past few years life was just a game for him....
That is a game for him but it was my life, my true life...
Can someone help to rescue me?
Yes, a professional therapist, not random strangers on a public forum.
It is more than half year, but I still stuck in the heartbreaking relationship.
He is with other girl for very long but kept telling that he cares about me and kept having sex with me until I found out.
He didn't give me any explanation or apology, just block me.
I have to find out all their stories by myself with very little data from internet.
It hurts me when I found out the solid evidence.....
For the first 3 months, i cry every day once awake.
but now, i cannot stop searching their photo or activities on internet.
Every day, my revenge feeling is getting stronger.
He keeps having good life, good job, going out with her....
I want to tell her what happened to me in order to hurt him....
I want to let his friends and family know what kind of person he is...
It is seriously influenced my life and I have those negative feelings all the time...
I don't know what I can do and how can I forgive myself and set myself free.
Should I revenge ?
You are walking a line between sanity and compulsion. You need to let this go. Everyone get their hearts broken; you are not unique in this.
Since you recognize that you are stuck emotionally, I strongly recommend you find counseling. You need to find out how to think about your experience, and how to get unstuck. You have figured out that your feelings are problematical. So, take steps to get better.
Do this!
Taking revenge will not make you feel better. It will mark you as emotionally unstable or even mentally ill.
I am not kidding. You need to find help. Even if it costs more than you can afford, find help. Do this.
Sue Sue...do not seek revenge. When the righteous are wronged, God/Kharma will punish them far better than we can. Evil always has a tendency to fall in upon itself. Nobody is in love with a cheating spouse. The man you imagined you were with, if he ever was true, is now certainly dead, replaced by something ugly. Send the foolish pretender away from you.
Imagine your hurt and hate as a rock...that you are dragging with you each day. Put down the rock for a day, and pretend it doesn't exist. You can always go back to it. But just take a moment and pretend it did not happen. Now you are free.
Find the relief in the silver lining of each cloud. Be free. Free to do what you want. Free to explore something new. Eventually, you will be free to find someone who will love you much better. Love can take many forms from many places. Go be the best you there is.
One day, after you've forgotten all about that rock, he's going to see you. You're going to be happy, exciting and wondrous in your new life. He will desire you, and it will be simply laughable how unappealing he will be. You'll cast him away like old ripped paper bag. It won't be motivated by hate, but the obviousness in how much better your life is because you spent your time seeking enrichment. And while the meeting will hopefully mean little to you, he will see then the error in his ways and the treasure lost. An afterthought as you walk away will be that, you've achieved your vengeance without striking at him at all.
It is more than half year, but I still stuck in the heartbreaking relationship. He is with other girl for very long but kept telling that he cares about me and kept having sex with me until I found out.
...
It is seriously influenced my life and I have those negative feelings all the time...
I don't know what I can do and how can I forgive myself and set myself free.
Should I revenge ?
Quote:
Originally Posted by SueSue2016
I understand it is not good , but if I can control or just let it go, I will not ask how I can do....
Can someone help to rescue me?
Sue, I can rescue you. I've been through a similar experience (except I'm a man) but I know how you feel, been there, done that, made the mistakes you are making now. I wish I had it to do over again, I wouldn't make the same mistakes--the ones you are making now--but in a way I can do it all over again by proxy by helping you.
You just have to understand, you have to accept, your relationship is OVER.
That was my mistake, and I kept trying to make it work. But it would have never worked. All I succeeded is to put myself through 6 months of agony until I finally had to face the truth: our relationship would never return to what it once was. The only future I had with her was sharing her with somebody else, and I wanted a monogamous relationship like we once had.
After enough pain, enough crying, I finally came to this realization. Yeah we still continued to have sex so I was getting laid, but I couldn't handle that she was with somebody else too.
I finally reached the point where I realized that even with the sex I was taking more of an emotional beating than I could stand. One day I phoned her and told her I decided to end our relationship. She felt compelled to drive over and return my ring I had given her, I didn't even invite her inside my house, we hugged on my door step, we cried, I went back inside my house as she got in her car and drove off, and that was the last time I ever saw her.
It was funny that while she was seeing the other guy I had started dating another chick, and as I had been drifting away from my old GF my new friend and I had been drifting closer and within a mere 2 weeks I "slept" with my new GF and all was right again--for a while. In the long term it didn't work out with my new GF but we parted friends, so all is good. I've had many GFs since then, all part of my life for a time, sometimes a short time, some times periods measured in years. All I can say is that's life.
As far as the revenge thing, that indicates anger on your side obviously a manifestation of jealousy. I like the way another member put it posted above, "revenge is like drinking poison and hoping the person you are angry with will die." It's a very negative feeling you have there, and by feeling that way you are only hurting yourself. You just have to let it go.
So here is the part where I am going to help you. You have to accept reality. This man does not love you or he would spend all his time with you. Myself knowing the way men think he is enjoying the sex you give him but his heart is elsewhere. You are just a free lay to him now.
What you must do is the same as I did with my unfaithful GF. Just do it quick, if you drag it out it will just hurt longer. Contact him as soon as you can or wait until the next time he contacts you, and tell him in certain terms that your relationship is ended and he is not welcome to see you any more. Make it totally clear that you are totally done with him. Leave no doubt and hold your line and never see him again.
Trust me on this Sue, you will have a very bad time for a few days or a week or so. Go hang with your closest friends, family or both. Refuse his phone calls or tell him it's still over and it will always be over, and ask him to quit calling.
The worst part is the first week, but time heals all wounds. Your life will get better and better, or if not that at least less worse each week until eventually you will find yourself feeling better. One day you'll discover you are still interested in men and you'll meet a new one. When this happens beware of rebound and take it easy, keep your head screwed on tight and go slowly.
Trust me, there is love in your future. You'll hurt for a while but you will find new love and that will heal you. Your feelings of revenge will probably taper off much more quickly. You'll feel them only as long as it takes you to realize it is truly over. That is really important: at one point you will feel that it is really, truly, finally over and it's never coming back. When you reach that point your feeling of revenge will be gone and you'll be prepared to meet your next love. I've been through it too many times that I know this is true from my own personal experience.
The answer to the question you asked in your first post is simply this: recognize that love has left your relationship. It is totally beyond saving. You must break up right now. I'll guess you may be near crying as you read this, and to be honest my eyes are teared up as I type this--over my lost relationships--but the sooner you break it off the sooner you will begin feeling better.
Break it off as soon as you can. Get on with your new life. You will find love again. This is what you must do--and you must do it right now.
I'm so sorry that this happened to you.I have to say that unfortunately this has happened to a lot of people..female and male who have had this done to them.I know the hurt must be extremely painful BUT believe me when I say this that he will get what is coming to him..it's called karma BUT you will NOT know it because you will have moved on with your life hopefully.Feeling this way about this person is already consuming you and it will do so more and more by you looking at what he's doing with his life.You must stop that.As time goes by the pain will dull more and more. People like that person...they have no remorse.Their character as a human being is barely nonexistent.
Please try to focus your energy on YOU and YOU moving forward.You deserve to have a good life and you will the quicker you move on from this pain.You can do it!!
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