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Is marriage counselling a part of psychology? In any case, my wife and I argue over a lot of things (finance, kids, where to vacation, etc), last year we had a bigger dispute, and since her work benefit included a few sessions of marriage counseling, she insisted that we go see a marriage counselor.
So we went, and the counselor asked that we talked to each other, in a calm manner. And she listened on the side. Every time I tried to tell the counselor my side of the view point (as usual my wife insists on her view point), she said "don't talk to me, talk to her". I had hoped the counselor to be like a judge and can tell us from an objective perspective who should change what, but that never happened. All the counselor did was reminding us to speak in a calm voice at each other.
Seems to me that counselor is more like the referee in a boxing match.
Is that how a marriage counselor works? If so, I really don't see value in it.
Last edited by rhbj03; 05-20-2017 at 07:37 PM..
Reason: clarify
Is marriage counselling a part of psychology? In any case, my wife and I argue over a lot of things (finance, kids, where to vacation, etc), last year we had a bigger dispute, and since her work benefit included a few sessions of marriage counseling, she insisted that we go see a marriage counselor.
So we went, and the counselor asked that we talked to each other, in a calm manner. And she listened on the side. Every time I tried to tell the counselor my side of the view point (as usual my wife insists on her view point), she said "don't talk to me, talk to her". I had hoped the counselor to be like a judge and can tell us from an objective perspective who should change what, but that never happened. All the counselor did was reminding us to speak in a calm voice at each other.
Seems to me that counselor is more like the referee in a boxing match.
Is that how a marriage counselor works? If so, I really don't see value in it.
You don't see the value in it?
How do you think a boxing match would go WITHOUT a referee?
How do you think a boxing match would go WITHOUT a referee?
Not much value to me because we are rather sane people; while we may raise voice we don't escalate to anything beyond that (at least I don't). So, the result of that session was not any different from our bickering at home.
Not much value to me because we are rather sane people; while we may raise voice we don't escalate to anything beyond that (at least I don't). So, the result of that session was not any different from our bickering at home.
It's not whether or not you're yelling. If I wanted to, I could take out my husband verbally while barely raising my voice. It's about the attitude and intent behind the voice.
You said y'all have been arguing. One session isn't going to resolve that. It's a process.
So at first they may start with the basics ... teaching you HOW to speak to each other about your conflicts.
Part of that is shedding your disbelief and your preconceived notions about the process itself.
she said "don't talk to me, talk to her".
Seems to me that counselor is more like the referee in a boxing match.
Is that how a marriage counselor works?
Nope.
The whole point is to learn HOW to talk to the spouse.
What's being said is almost immaterial.
Not much value to me because we are rather sane people; while we may raise voice we don't escalate to anything beyond that (at least I don't). So, the result of that session was not any different from our bickering at home.
It's about learning HOW to fight, and how to communicate with each other. Of course they don't act as judges. Are they coming home with you so they can mediate every time an issue arises? Doesn't it make more sense for you to learn how to do it yourselves?
The whole point is to learn HOW to talk to the spouse.
What's being said is almost immaterial.
On the contrary, the content of our communications with other people is what's important. (Of course an exception would be if one party is screaming at the top of his or her lungs, in which case the content pretty much gets lost.)
If what's being said is irrational and illogical, then that is VERY material. If there is no content, then there is no communication.
What would you learn if the marriage counselor acted as a judge? Nothing, and every future disagreement would end with no way of helping yourselves to work through it.
If you're unwilling to see the value in learning how to work through conflict, you have bigger problems.
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