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Old 05-23-2017, 04:10 PM
 
Location: California
359 posts, read 318,553 times
Reputation: 1169

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So, now when someone has a different opinion and expresses it, it means they are shaming you?

When did this whole "shaming" trend start?
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Old 05-23-2017, 04:23 PM
 
3,248 posts, read 2,443,994 times
Reputation: 7255
Devils Advocate here--

I have a great friend who would describe herself much as you, OP. No kids, pet lover. She has about a half dozen animals of various striped. Though her pets seem to be well cared for, she is immune or "nose blind" to the smell in her house or the hair and damage her pets do. Her house is small and generally well kept except for the issues cited.

We recently had a get together and she offered to host. One of the other couples who were invited tried to get the venue changed and finally told her that they were uncomfortable in her house because of all the pet presence, smell and hair. She was SUPER offended and has been going on and on about how this person is an "animal hater." She honestly does not smell or notice what her house is like.
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Old 05-23-2017, 04:37 PM
 
2,564 posts, read 1,630,578 times
Reputation: 10069
Wow, your parents actually told you "finally" re. the loss of your senior cat and lizard? They sound awful. You are 35 years old and independent, you don't have to put up with these people criticizing your choices. How you choose to live your life is none of their business. Just set boundaries and tell them that you don't want to hear it anymore. Your house, your money, your decision, and none of their business. And if they keep badgering you, avoid them. No one should accept disrespect from anyone, not even relatives.
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Old 05-23-2017, 06:22 PM
 
10,599 posts, read 17,835,559 times
Reputation: 17352
If it's not friends or neighbors then who are "these people"?

Why do you care?

And what's this about "refusing to come over"?

What's the context? You invite them to come inspect your animals and they decline?

Is it family members?

Sounds like there's more to the story. Your posting history is 100% posting about animals it seems, so maybe they just don't want to discuss animals and you're inviting their opinions.

IDK... I owned a pet shop and two pet sitting businesses and never heard of this - even once.
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Old 05-23-2017, 07:41 PM
 
Location: Elsewhere
88,262 posts, read 84,207,404 times
Reputation: 114590
Quote:
Originally Posted by VoxTerra View Post
So, now when someone has a different opinion and expresses it, it means they are shaming you?

When did this whole "shaming" trend start?
Over the past year, I've noticed. New trendy word.
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Old 05-23-2017, 08:19 PM
 
331 posts, read 313,170 times
Reputation: 935
I recall a co-worker saying to me, "I'll admit it, 99% of having kids is hell, but the other 1% is priceless." I replied "Gee, with cats the percentages are just about reversed." I wear my decision to Never, Ever Have Kids, made at the age of 12 (I'm now 67), as a badge of honor. I have never regretted it for one nanosecond, nor did my late wife who had made the same decision at about the same age. It's obviously just my opinion, but in my observation my cats and dogs have given me considerably more pleasure, and considerably less trouble and grief, than most people get from their children. For that matter, I had three Beta fish who gave me more pleasure than most people seem to get from their children. When I see the interaction between most parents and their children, I'm typically thinking "Explain to me again why you decided to ruin your marriage and your life in this manner?" I've never actually had anyone challenge me about my decision to have pets and not children, or the extent to which I dote on my pets (I did have one secretary say "I want to die and be reincarnated as one of your cats"), but anyone who does is going to get an earful.
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Old 05-23-2017, 08:58 PM
 
Location: A State of Mind
6,611 posts, read 3,651,445 times
Reputation: 6388
I would not worry about others, but I know it is easier said than done to just forget about what some do or say. Just as on CD, people have differing views and want to project what is right, to them. (In some cases, there is actually one, proper way of doing certain things - such as being honest).

It sounds great to me and you are apparently handling things well. Not everyone needs to have or should raise children - a bit too much of that going on, anyway. (Oops, my views on that slipped out). 😊

Anyway, it's your decision and your lifestyle, and are not doing anything wrong. I love that those who can afford to will take in more than a couple of animals. Many celebrities are animal lovers, some living on ranches. If it comes up, just say it is your choice and as long as you are managing financially, have space and can care for pets, there is no problem. (It should not even need to be defended). 🐱 🐰 🐶
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Old 05-23-2017, 11:46 PM
 
Location: Middle America
37,409 posts, read 53,386,110 times
Reputation: 53067
There seem to be a lot of people who think you can either be a pet person or a kid person.

I've not personally known it to be an either/or thing.
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Old 05-24-2017, 02:07 AM
 
21,382 posts, read 7,892,350 times
Reputation: 18149
Quote:
Originally Posted by cheesenugget View Post
We don't have kids. We are in our mid 30's, both of us have full-time jobs, no college debt other than mortgage,
Good income, frugal in our spending... we just decide not to have kids at this time or ever. My husband and I are animal lovers so needless to say, we welcomed many animals into our home.

We have 6 pets plus a 55 gallon tank with some koi, plecos and 2 oscars. The non-scaly pets are 2 medium to large dogs, 2 cats, a bunny, a blue tongue skink and a golden hamster. Everyone gets fed premium to above quality food, toys, vet care, one on one time, etc. All except the skink and the hamster are rescues who were abandoned at a young age by owners or born as a stray.

Our house is 1300 square feet, 2-story townhouse. My house is vacuumed and mopped weekly. Litterboxes are scooped daily, cages are cleaned weekly, counters and tables are wiped, etc. My dogs are trained and well behaved, gets plenty of walks, listens to recall commands and friendly with visitors who comes by.

And yet, I still get blasted by mean comments from a lot of people, those who never stepped foot into our home. Comments like, "wow, so you don't have a house for people to live in anymore?" Or "you have a zoo in there" or "what is wrong with you?" Even when we only had 1 cat at the time, these were the same comments received by the same people.

Many imply that we are hoarders, which I find to be such a disrespectful insult because we really do put in the time, money and effort to care for our pets. Our home is clean. We have more than enough space and room for the pets and anyone else who wants to stay over for a night. To be compared to people who compulsively collects animals while unable or refuse to provide the basic of care to their animals, I don't even know how to react without wanting to yell at that person.

The most hurtful part of it all, is that most of these mean comments come from most of my family, including my parents, who always taught me as a young child to care for my animals and to be responsible. Now, they are telling me to stop wasting my money on them because they are just that, animals.

I'm sorry for this rant. We had always supported my sisters when they needed help with their kids. We would babysit for them, take them to the park, buy them gifts, go to birthday parties. ... we really do care for our nephews and nieces and they love us dearly as well. Their parents, however, would make those mean comments to us in front of the kids.

When I had to put down my senior cat, the response I received was, "finally!" When I had to do it again with my bearded dragon, the response was, "why did you even take a lizard to the vet?"

Again, these comments come from people who refuse to come to the house. We invited them to see and judge for themselves but they never come by, even though they live less than 10 minutes away. Those who do come visit us, have coffee with us, my friends and neighbors do not say such things. Actually, they would give us compliments or play with our dogs and cats.

If we had 4 kids running around instead of some pets, I guess that would be more acceptable to people like my family. Whereas parents are proud and happy bragging to others about how great their kid is, I feel we could not do that with our furbabies without running the risk of being unfairly criticized. I agree that human children are not the same as the furry kind, but I'm not telling bad parents what to do, why do they feel it's their business to tell me how and what we should have in our home?

Sorry for the rant. I had to let this out. Fyi, 6 is our limit. We are not taking in anymore animals, even after the hamster and my oldest dog (7 years) may pass in the next 3 years.
two medium to large dogs
two cats
+more pets

in 1300 sq feet????? with NO YARD

Sorry, that's too many animals in too small a space. No wonder people are commenting to you about it. I love animals, but I doubt I'd visit, there's no space. Those animals need more space. If you had 4 kids (your example), you'd need a bigger townhouse.
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Old 05-24-2017, 03:20 AM
 
Location: Moku Nui, Hawaii
11,048 posts, read 23,930,580 times
Reputation: 10901
I dunno how other folks can "shame" someone. Having a poor opinion of someone else doesn't automatically generate 'shame'. And who says you have to accept someone else's opinions anyway? I's their opinions and as long as they're not your boss or their opinion actually matters in some solid way, why should you care?

Next time someone says something they think is derogatory, reply with a big smile and 'yeah, isn't it great!'. If anything else, it will hopefully at least confuse them and get them to shut up for awhile. You can't be shamed if you don't accept it.

I'm guessing maybe your parents were hoping for grandkids instead of granddogs?
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