Can someone be a 'healthy' adult without a romantic/sexual relationships? (issues, introvert)
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"I even have one friend in particular who sort of fills the social/emotional role a girlfriend would have in other men's lives - we have "dates," are going on vacation together, usually have a text conversation going during the workday, are invested in each other's well-being, etc. - but within a very different relationship context."
That sounds ideal, actually, but how has it happened that it hasn't evolved into a romantic/sexual relationship or that one of you has wanted or expected more from it? I've had friendships like this with the opposite sex, but it always seems to get "complicated" on one side or the other (usually the man wanting sex and not just friendship). The last one gave up on propositioning me and went for a mail-order bride. I think we'd both have been happier if we'd remained "just buddies."
The somewhat trite answer from my perspective is that I'm asexual and aromantic. There isn't anything driving me toward something "more" or different; this is the kind of relationship I want.
And I honestly don't know why she feels the way she does about me, only that she does. I don't think the discussion would be worth revisiting unless her feelings change - and now knowing that I'm asexual, which she did not know when we first met, I suspect it's pretty unlikely that they would.
I can understand the former but not necessarily the latter. I presume that someone who is a recluse and was sexual would lose their drive if they isolated themselves.
I meant it would suck to live a celibate life.....not having sex with anyone.
I'm in the same boat as strandedx02, and totally agree with otterhere. I have a friend, who plays a similar role in my life, and I say it with nothing but respect. We hang out together, attend the fun events we find, talk about our lives, comfort each other (with words) in times of difficulty, and text "good morning"/"good night" on some days. At the same time, we have friendship boundaries that we don't cross. She's a wonderful person, and I'm very happy to have met her. But at the same time, I know one thing: I'm very gun-shy about relationships, marriage , or kids . Which would make me a p*ss-poor boyfriend for someone with a more traditional future in mind, which is her.
As for wanting sex, I won't say that I never had an idle thought flash through my mind. But my general desire for it is so rock-bottom low, that I'd be moron to jeopardize a great friendship over it.
Can I assume you have discussed your intentions with this woman? You did write that she has a more traditional future in mind. Is she waiting for you to make the first move to make the friendship more of a romantic relationship?
I'd say it depends on what a person wants in life. If a person views sex/relationship as necessary, but he/she doesn't have it, I'd say that person can't be truly happy. But if a person can take or leave it, or doesn't care for the hassle and work of a relationship, then that person can be truly healthy & happy w/o sex/relationship.
I know older women who have looked forward to leaving behind all the sex/relationship stuff. Women often sacrifice in the relationship, so when older, enjoy their freedom. I've known older women who have no interest in sex any more and are glad to leave it behind.
Life may be more narrow, but can be happier without the added complications of sex and relationships.
When you're younger, though, there's probably a biological reason that drives most people to have sex and mate, so that is probably more of a problem for someone to be truly happy w/o those things. Even if you don't have much of a drive for them, one may want to be "normal" and like everyone else.
I view this question as similar to "Can someone be healthy & normal without having kids?"
It can be avoided and denied but going against evolution has its price. Self centeredness and brittleness is predictable but invisible to those so afflicted.
Can I assume you have discussed your intentions with this woman? You did write that she has a more traditional future in mind. Is she waiting for you to make the first move to make the friendship more of a romantic relationship?
I absolutely did, over the phone (talking) around Memorial Day. She didn't seem to have much of a reaction, although she might have been holding back. But when we hung out two days later, she thanked me for being upfront with her, and was happy to see me. Which goes along with what I always believed: be honest with your intentions, and take the consequences in stride.
At this point, there will be no first move, barring a paradigm shift on my part (maybe hers too, but I can only take responsibility for my own actions). She knows how I feel, at least, so my conscience is clear. For now, our boundaries will remain where they were.
Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 06-10-2017 at 12:40 AM..
I think there are introverts who desire a permanent relationship, but it is hard to tell a potential partner that you really only want to spend a few hours a day with them; most people in relationships prefer to be attached at the hip.
Exactly. I keep having to explain myself to people that don't seem to understand, that just because I don't want to text all the time, or take a while to respond, doesn't mean I don't like you or am trying to ignore you...I just need my alone time, and would rather have time to myself, wherein I can actually think about someone and be able to miss them, rather than being stressed out, annoyed, exhausted and then just having to stop talking to them to get my alone time. I feel like I should give people instructions on how to treat me...I feel like it would make things easier for everyone. Lol.
I had the same issue with a guy I started talking to online recently...after I finally texted him, we of course end up texting for a few hours (as I figured would happen, and why I don't like texting someone right away), and the next day, since I hadn't texted him that day (mind you, he hadn't texted me either), he says "Does this mean I should delete you?" and then 10 min. later (since I hadn't checked), says "Ok hint taken, take care". I was like...wtf?
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, or kids 
