Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My mother likely has borderline personality disorder and my entire 40 years have been rife with her manipulations, gaslighting and often outright lies. I only recently figured out exactly how dysfunctional the situation was, and it's been kind of a blow. I'm rebuilding myself from the ground up at 41. My mother has realized that I figured it out and is now steering clear of me despite the fact that we never had any sort of fight and I have not confronted her. She knows I know and must have been fearing it my entire life.
I'm fine with her staying away. The level of toxicity she brought to my life is mindboggling. Right now she is desperate to avoid a confrontation, and her willingness to just walk away kind of brings home the fact that I was just an accessory or trophy as far as she was concerned. Now that she's unmasked she knows there will be unpleasantness, and she'd rather just walk away.
Again, it's all for the best, but it's a little surreal to be abandoned by your mother at 40 with no kind of direct conflict to precipitate it. For my birthday, I received ... a text that said happy birthday and my name. But only after her boyfriend sent a preliminary text wishing me a happy birthday to test the waters regarding whether I was mad at her or not.
They funny part is that her actions have only served to confirm the things I suspected about her. If she was going to prove me wrong, she would have gotten herself into therapy and started unpacking her issues. But she's hiding instead. In her view, I'm simply not worth it. Which I always suspected, but having it confirmed is kind of a shock. It's just so WEIRD.
It's not the fact that your disposable more than it is that she is just plain selfish. That's not your issue. If she feels like she needs space then by all means, give her the galaxy.
I could write my story and you would think I had lived your life.
There came a time where I had to decide what to do with the truth.
Wallow in self pity or grow up and accept the other truth, that I am not perfect either.
I do not think she is engaging in self-pity. I think she is coming to terms with her mother's condition and the pain it has caused her.
Perhaps if people cannot say something productive, positive, and helpful, they should refrain from posting responses.
Exactly. Endless threads have been posted that are clones of this one. "My mother/father/sister/brother/spouse/significant other is narcissistic/bipolar/borderline, etc. . . I am an innocent victim of their terrible behavior. Woe is me." There are horrible people and this world and many of us have had terrible childhoods. My mom was like this. I cut her off due to her unpredictable actions caused by BPD, but she developed very aggressive cancer which killed her only three months after her diagnosis. She died of cancer when I was 22. I did see her before she died. I didn't want to, but I put all our water under the bridge so I could be supportive. Bad mom or not, people shouldn't die by themselves. Take responsibility for your own actions and do what you feel is best. But there are two people in every relationship. Make sure you don't do something you will regret later.
Endless threads have been posted because there are endless people who have been through it. If you are tired of reading about it and it makes you angry, maybe you should look at other parts of this website.
I notice how so many who come forth with negativity about posts like this then launch into what THEY'VE been through. It is not a competition. You do not "win" because you have already come to terms with what you have been through and someone else has not. It takes some people longer than others, and not everybody comes to resolution through the same path.
I will also add that if someone else's struggles set you off so that you have to tell the person to "quit whining" or proceed to talk about yourself and your situation as though you somehow resolved things the "right" way and the person who is struggling would be just fine if he/she only did it YOUR way, you are probably not as fully healed as you think you are. Instead you are subjecting yourself to threads and posts that trigger anger or arrogance in yourself. That just means you are still dwelling on your wounds. Somebody who has fully healed would not react that way. They would react with compassion and empathy, and only share their stories if they were trying to show what they have in common, not how they "did it better" or to tell someone else what they "should" do.
I notice how so many who come forth with negativity about posts like this then launch into what THEY'VE been through. It is not a competition. You do not "win" because you have already come to terms with what you have been through and someone else has not. It takes some people longer than others, and not everybody comes to resolution through the same path.
I will also add that if someone else's struggles set you off so that you have to tell the person to "quit whining" or proceed to talk about yourself and your situation as though you somehow resolved things the "right" way and the person who is struggling would be just fine if he/she only did it YOUR way, you are probably not as fully healed as you think you are. Instead you are subjecting yourself to threads and posts that trigger anger or arrogance in yourself. That just means you are still dwelling on your wounds. Somebody who has fully healed would not react that way. They would react with compassion and empathy, and only share their stories if they were trying to show what they have in common, not how they "did it better" or to tell someone else what they "should" do.
Terrible, some of the responses here.
This happens with ALL postings it seems...everyone goes into their experiences and often relate to the OP's...what is so terrible about that. Otherwise posts would be dead.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
