Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Hi I have a problem with my friend. Nothing like that ever happended to me so I don't know what to think about this nor what to do about this so I just want to know your opinion. I met this guy few months ago, we were seeing each other very often because we live nearby. He told me he fell in love with me very quickly but I didn't feel it yet. I just told him to wait. We were acting like a couple kinda. We were really colse. Then I fell in love with him but he said that he doesn't know what he feels anymore and he started to become distant. At first he told me to give him some time, and then that he wants to be alone for the rest of his life. He keep saying that also he says that he dont know what he wants.. but lately it haas gotten even worse. He told me that he don't want anyone to care for him and he doesn't want mental or physical closeness but his body language says diffenet thing.. he often cuddles me to comfort me. He says one thing and does the onther, and then he says he don't want that anymore. Also he says that he doesn't want to be with me but he still wants me in his life even tho he's really cold to me lately. I wish i could help him somehow. I know that every human wants to feel connetion and closeness with other person and I just don't get why he's acting like that. Maybe one of you have been in situation like that and could help me figure out what to do.
Obviously, I don't know anything about you, but "I wish I could help him somehow" can be a dangerous attitude. Many people, especially those who are very sensitive or have had difficult home lives themselves, have "rescue fantasies" that they can rescue other troubled souls. It inevitably backfires. This does not sound to me like a relationship that is going anywhere beneficial for you. My suggestion, knowing what little I do, would be to put some distance between the two of you. Perhaps tell him to get back to you if and when he knows what he wants and can clearly explain how he thinks you fit into the picture; then you will decide whether that works for you. Which "him" did you fall in love with anyway? It sounds as though you really don't have a clear picture of who he is.
Obviously, I don't know anything about you, but "I wish I could help him somehow" can be a dangerous attitude. Many people, especially those who are very sensitive or have had difficult home lives themselves, have "rescue fantasies" that they can rescue other troubled souls. It inevitably backfires. This does not sound to me like a relationship that is going anywhere beneficial for you. My suggestion, knowing what little I do, would be to put some distance between the two of you. Perhaps tell him to get back to you if and when he knows what he wants and can clearly explain how he thinks you fit into the picture; then you will decide whether that works for you. Which "him" did you fall in love with anyway? It sounds as though you really don't have a clear picture of who he is.
Theres nothing I could add to that.
Guard your heart.
I think he is manipulating you. I also think you should stop confiding in him immediately. Do not be surprised if he uses things you have told him against you in anger or if he does not keep confidences.
For whatever reason, he seems to like you best when you are distant. When you try to get close, he becomes distant. It is impossible to know if he is deliberately toying with you, or if he is terribly confused. Whichever the case, you need to distance yourself from him and do not tell him personal stuff.
Do not be surprised that when you distance yourself, he tries for closeness. This guy is not a good relationship bet. Unless you like endless drama and disappointment, drop him. Distance yourself. If he calls you continuously after you distance yourself, block him. He will do you no good. He well could do you emotional harm.
There's a syndrome in psychology called push-pull. When one person goes toward their significant other emotionally, the significant other then pulls back and away. And then the roles reverse. It can happen frequently with two people in a relationship.
Last edited by matisse12; 06-11-2017 at 04:29 PM..
Thanks for your advice guys... lately he told me that he doesn't know what to think about all of this and that he needs time. When we meet face to face he's really nice and lovely but sometimes when we text he often gets mad at me and says not nice things. I told him that if he will treat me like that he won't ever see me again.
I know who he is but from time to time he acts different and he says that it's not his fault. He have to work in a place where theres this substance lead and once he told me that once in a while he feels kinda depressed, whats to be alone and stuff.. maybe that could be a reason for all of this
The OP's friend sounds like me; he's reacting a lot like I expect myself to react in the face of a possible relationship. And I just happen to have a friend who verbally expressed romantic interest in me. Which puts me in a pretty strong moral dilemma.
Posting to subscribe, to get perspective on my friend's point of view, and learn what she might be thinking. She's been a great friend to me the whole time I knew her, so the dead-last thing I want to do is betray her. Our interactions as friends have always been fun and lighthearted (and non-sexual). But the possibility of things becoming all serious and intense is utterly terrifying to me.
The OP's friend sounds like me; he's reacting a lot like I expect myself to react in the face of a possible relationship. And I just happen to have a friend who verbally expressed romantic interest in me. Which puts me in a pretty strong moral dilemma.
Posting to subscribe, to get perspective on my friend's point of view, and learn what she might be thinking. She's been a great friend to me the whole time I knew her, so the dead-last thing I want to do is betray her. Our interactions as friends have always been fun and lighthearted (and non-sexual). But the possibility of things becoming all serious and intense is utterly terrifying to me.
I was at first afraid of relationship with him but he wanted to be with me. Now it's other way around and it really hurts me because he wants to stay only friends... is it possoble to forget about someone that quickly like he did? even tho we were still spending a lot of time together. anyways I donn't know if I can hande this..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I have a problem with my friend. Nothing like that ever happended to me so I don't know what to think about this nor what to do about this so I just want to know your opinion. I met this guy few months ago, we were seeing each other very often because we live nearby. He told me he fell in love with me very quickly but I didn't feel it yet. I just told him to wait. We were acting like a couple kinda. We were really colse. Then I fell in love with him but he said that he doesn't know what he feels anymore and he started to become distant. At first he told me to give him some time, and then that he wants to be alone for the rest of his life. He keep saying that also he says that he dont know what he wants.. but lately it haas gotten even worse. He told me that he don't want anyone to care for him and he doesn't want mental or physical closeness but his body language says diffenet thing.. he often cuddles me to comfort me. He says one thing and does the onther, and then he says he don't want that anymore. Also he says that he doesn't want to be with me but he still wants me in his life even tho he's really cold to me lately. I wish i could help him somehow. I know that every human wants to feel connetion and closeness with other person and I just don't get why he's acting like that. Maybe one of you have been in situation like that and could help me figure out what to do.
