How did you get to where you are in your life and how? (narcissistic, dating)

[imagardener]

Am 60-something and been successfully retired over 10 years.
We had a plan we were hardworking/lucky enough to complete.
Neither of us wanted children, first (and only) marriage for both so no financial obligations.

How did I get there?
Well I was born white in the USA, that gives a tremendous leg-up right there.
I went to college with no family support, no scholarships but got a national Pell Grant tuition loan in the 70's when state college was low cost and the loan was low interest rate. I took a CLEP test which got me free college credits and skipped almost a year of college which saved money.

Then it was hard work, 7 days a week, sometimes 16 hours a day but really work was all we did for the first 10 years. Our honeymoon was driving in winter to a trade show while friends took beach vacations.

We always have a 10 year plan and discuss it once a year. Where do we want to be in 10 years and how do we get there.
We are usually the first people of our cohort (Boomer generation) to arrive wherever we set our goal. Sometimes that's not a good thing but most times the early bird gets the worm.

[Nov3]

I got here thru making so many valuable mistakes!

Yup I looked gift horses in the mouth and decided I knew what was best. Ohhh How wrong I have been about much.

If asked though whether I am happy or content...the answer is ...sure! why not ? The alternative is bitterness and angst...and like above...I tend to not go with the standard and find instead a different path to maintain some level of appreciation.

Reckon I avoid drama and try to find balance in an upside down world

[Sonic_Spork]

A long, convoluted path brought me here. When my parents divorced, I chose to live with my Mom (turning point, my choice.) She was a pushover, and I...pushed her over. Did whatever I wanted, was up to no good (my choice) led to me being sent to live with my Aunt in Ohio. Where I met an older man and started a relationship with him, at age 18, when I was too young and dumb to see the many red flags. I had his two kids and worked to keep our family intact as long as I could. We moved to Iowa because we weren't surviving in Ohio, and his family was in Iowa and helped us. In 2007, I encouraged him in his enthusiastic efforts to get back into the Army. We were sent to Washington State. Then Colorado Springs. Then he got out, and started losing his mind. Paranoia, threats, our home felt like a hostage situation. I tried to stay by his side and help him...bad choice...but I didn't want to give up easily. Finally, when he had destroyed our finances and when we could not take the crazy behavior anymore, I cut my losses and got out. I am now divorced, still trying to fix the financial disaster, but otherwise ok.

I'm actually very happy though. I got into the local BDSM community and have made over 100 new friends in the last couple of years, and they are wonderful people. I have a new love in my life for the last year and a half, and we plan to move in together later this year. I have people who are like chosen family. People who lift me up, who remind me of my value, who make me feel loved. I have been making more art projects. I am having a lot more fun at a lot less cost than I used to. I am taking better care of my physical and mental and emotional health. My kids are doing great in school. My cat is hilarious and cute. My apartment feels like home. I've been able to do a lot of introspection and self-work.

My finances and related issues could be better. But in many ways I'm happier than I've ever been.

I even think that my relationship with my ex is healthier than it ever was, as he moved away and is getting therapy and we remain friends and talk over the phone. We have a shared parental obligation, so I'm glad that we get along ok.

[Garthur]

I'm happily married for 31 years. No kids, nether my wife or myself ever wanted kids. I had a bad child hood and didn't want to put a kid through anything like I had. My father disappeared from my life at 4 and I only saw him a few times the rest of my life and that was only when I ran into him some where. My mother gave me to my father's parents (good people) who raised me until I was almost 17. Basically I was discarded by my parents.

NO ONE ever gave me anything, I paid my way for everything I had.

After this I became obsessed with working. I worked from age 11 till I retired at 49 and then still continued to work for 6 more years for other employers. I worked 6-7 days a week, often 12-16 hours a day. The advantage of this was I started to sock away large sums of money that at the time I didn't care about. I purchase a new car at age 19 and paid cash for it. For the rest of my life I never worked pay check to pay check. While I was working long hours I managed to get a college degree by sleeping only 2-4 hours a day.

Living a life a pain became normal and expected. I almost never cared what my concerns were, I just worked.

Retiring became a total relief from the suffering of work. I know now that in the back of my mind the purpose in my life was to find a place where I'm in total control of my own life and have a quite place to sit and reflect. My parents have both passed away now, relieving my of the anguish. I now have a quite life, both mentally and physically, so for the first time in my life I'm very happy. I earned this!

[Halcyon18]

Originally Posted by SoLikeable

Whether its good or bad happy or sad. How did you get to this EXACT moment in your life? whatever it maybe. Are you happy? Are you surrounded by people that love and cherish you? Do you think you've made the best out of the days on earth so far? yes or no. Talk. Discuss. Fellowship!

My parents' hard work and care, not having a disability or illness, and the kindness of other people. My life has been peaceful and comfortable, but I lack self-confidence because everything I have has been handed to me. I've never earned anything through hard work, independence, or maturity.

[Sand&Salt]

Originally Posted by jonesg

Self pity repulses the very people you would prefer to attract.

How about some compassion, Jones? Skip the judgmental attitude.


Not everyone has 100 friends and a wealthy retirement. I found his story compelling and honest, and I feel for his situation. Life deals some harsh blows, sometimes.

[bobspez]

I'm retired, 70, married 44 years with 3 children and 6 grandchildren. I'm fairly happy, and content. I'm not showered with love, I haven't been since I was a small child. I do have loving relationships and have to work at them to keep them going. My Mom was a war bride, and my Dad was a soldier in Europe in WWII. They divorced when I was 5. Not having much in the way of money or contacts I worked hard in high school, and worked my way through college. After finishing school and not being able to get a decent job in LA, I took a Greyhound to NYC and spent 6 weeks at my Dad's house, until I got a job and earned enough money to get my own place. I met my wife on a subway, chatted her up and got a date. We were married 15 months later. We had three kids in 4 years and lived in apartments for 11 years until we were able to buy a house. At the age of 42 I got the chance to get into the computer field, which I had wanted for years, and did that until I retired at 62. My last two years I was able to work from home. My wife and I relocated to a small ranch style house on a large lot about 50 miles south of NYC and have been here 10 years. Last year I got diagnosed with an aggressive untreatable leukemia. I'm waiting to see how that works out, but don't let it dominate my life or thoughts. I've gotten a lot of lucky breaks, I've worked hard, I've enjoyed my life and still do.

[oh-eve]

Originally Posted by SoLikeable

Whether its good or bad happy or sad. How did you get to this EXACT moment in your life? whatever it maybe. Are you happy? Are you surrounded by people that love and cherish you? Do you think you've made the best out of the days on earth so far? yes or no. Talk. Discuss. Fellowship!

I am not really happy. Not sure if I ever will be.


I thought at 40 I am married and content. Financially I am as good as never before.


I got here with a bunch of coincidences. Coincidentally moved to a place where there is a German company, hiring me and paying $$$ for an easy job all while I can speak my native language.


Coincidentally, my ex didn't want to use his college military benefits and signed them over to me - I graduated with a masters degree half a year ago and no debt.


After we bought our house, we split and I kept the house - fully paid off by now.


I fully milk my job by housing two interns from work, getting rental income.


I really can say I made the best out of my life financially. I have almost never in my life made very unwise financial decisions. I look like I earn more than I do because I make the best out of it.


Personally, I make unwise decisions with men. I know the common denominator is me.

[Phoenix2017]

Sad I have been pretty much dreaming of and wanting a loving wife and family of my own ever since I was about 8-9 years old, but it didn't quite turn out that way, due to a combination of multiple life-altering reasons Unfortunately, at this age and this point in my life, there will realistically most likely be no one, ever, as far as I can best determine. Even immediate/biological family has written me off as a lost and hopeless cause in the love dept., with statements such as "Well marriage wasn't meant for everyone", "Not everyone is supposed to be married", and similar, which really only just rubs salt in the wounds. They also see me as a social embarrassment and a failure to launch of sorts, and so they are not willing to help by say trying to introduce me to single female friends, etc., and no one else and no friends from the past that I know are willing to help either; and so kinda all on my own here...

This song has meant a lot to me personally ever since I was in college, all the way to today in the present -- if you can think of the song as in the context of someone always wanting love and that one special person, but never finding it and always failing (despite also trying very hard to achieve it), it captures the situation perfectly, IMO...I'm all out of love...

[CSD610]

I got to this point in my life simply because I have woke up breathing for the last 56 years and 6 months.
The rest is obviously the choices I have made throughout my lifetime.