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The way I see it is if someone could have hurt me in the past and did something I would never have done to them.. then why forgive them.. I would rather erase them from my life as its too short to spend on bothering about evil and spiteful people.. Forgiveness doesnt enter my mind.. Im not bitter, they just dont matter anymore..
Not forgiving someone doesn't mean that you are festering with anger. I'm more like the OP, get mad, dwell on it, then it lessens and I eventually get over it but that doesn't mean I'm going to let the people back into my life.
I wasn't aware as a retired counseling professional, and the child in a toxic family, that there was any requirement to forgive as necessity for self actualization.
I don't forgive my now dead father for his horrible behavior to me. I do understand how his own mental disorders and poor upbringing caused it, and I am actually grateful for the behaviors because they made me a better professional in counseling of humans. But I don't give him a pardon for it. He will have to deal with it his next life, and my inability to reach some kind of resolve with him about it will mean that I have to deal with it again also.
Episcopalian here. We are taught to forgive as Christ forgives us and shows us mercy. If I wasn't a Christian, however, I'd want to forgive just to avoid holding grudges and devote time to toxic emotions like revenge.
Interesting point of view. I'm an atheist, if that matters.
I don't hold grudges, at least not that I'm aware of. If someone has a pattern of inappropriate or hurtful behavior towards me, I cut off their access. Once there's no possibility of the offense being repeated, I forget about that person. The idea of seeking revenge is so tawdry and melodramatic.
Forgiveness is not only helpful to the forgiven, but to the forgiver as well. Holding on to anger, feeling hurt, not letting go of an emotional weight, makes our lives more difficult.
respect others without compromising yourself...
you can be dead right.......and whats better for the greater good
we tend to bury pain fear shame guilt and it festers and manifests as something else......when its finally surfaces... we need to let this crap out ...
how long do you carry the affected emotions around of others,,,,,, why be an emotional sponge..
steer your own ship in life,,,if you wallow in the negative currents of others you will lose your own compass
yes we all get screwed and walked on in life......
but if you dont let it go....it will turn into one big ball of accumulated crap and become heavier and heavier... like a dung beetle pushing a bigger and bigger ball around..
vengeance,,,,is like a parasite it can eat you alive,,,
as a man thinketh so is he,, choose positive ,,,let the sun in,,,, look thru the windshield of life not the rearview mirror.. dont fuel your demons...
Holding a grudge, in my view, is like continuing to grieve for the dead. Both are essentially useless as far as the other person is concerned, and both are like continuing to drag a rock around tied to your waist for no good purpose.
That said, most of us feel inflated and made more important by both our grudges and our grief.
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