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I've thought about that since they are so fascinating, and Everyone has a crazy side. I think I just like to help them more than anything. God gave everybody something, so if I can be of service, I try to do that. Not everyone has been born into good families or even have common sense for that matter so I lend an ear and I let them be who they truly are with me-that's the only way you can get the truth and help if they allow it
You have a helper syndrom. Look it up.
You are normal and attract the crazies because your subconscious wants to help while their subconscious picks up that vibe.
A person without the helper syndrom would not deal with their BS. They feel that and come to you.
They may use you in several ways - money, time, effort .... just make sure you don't end up used, abused and broke being their emotional trash can with all your kindred spirit and helpfulness. Don't forget to take care of your own mental health while being so selfless.
I suffer from "helper syndrome" too. Or in my case, I know it's a lot of childhood "caregiver" programming. I can't remember a time when I was not caregiver to someone. The trick for me has been learning to analyze what is being asked, if I have the bandwidth to offer it, and whether I should, and if it's healthy.
A man who has "the crazy" like my ex-husband? Well, we made things work for a long time and I thought it was ok. I was not really happy, but I wasn't really miserable. Then eventually he cracked. Really cracked. Got not just "annoying, zero-empathy crazy" but "dangerous, carrying a loaded AK around the house" crazy. I had to quit that, and do some serious self work to figure out how it got to that point and what I needed to do better in my future path.
I've had friends take advantage of me for money, time, effort...and I've had to learn to protect myself from that.
But now... Well, I'm in a relationship that is full of love, it's wonderful, we're both happy as could be. I would not trade it for anything. The caregiver element is still there though, if more out on the horizon than in the present, but I see it as being healthier. So my guy is just good, good mojo for my soul. But he's much older than me, and I do think that I will end up providing elder-care for him, sooner or later. He's already having some health issues now, that don't impair him much, but might eventually (aging related.) But for me, I don't mind doing natural caregiving for a loved older person in my life...just no more scary-crazy, please. I would consider, if he develops serious dementia beyond my ability to manage, putting him in a home...but that is me just trying to know my own limitations. Hopefully that never happens.
But I did date a man for a little while a couple of years back, who was probably a sociopath. He was certainly odd. He had a worm farm in his basement and a mannequin in his living room (that he had named, and said he was in love with)... I was FASCINATED by him. Because I could not read him and he was so strange and smart. I found it hard to let go of that one, and the chemistry? Well it felt amazing at the time. He was like a drug...I knew he wasn't good for me, but he felt addictive. Oh well.
It's ok to be a helper. Just figure out who is the right person to give that to. The crazy ones are only fun, until they AREN'T.
You are normal and attract the crazies because your subconscious wants to help while their subconscious picks up that vibe.
A person without the helper syndrom would not deal with their BS. They feel that and come to you.
They may use you in several ways - money, time, effort .... just make sure you don't end up used, abused and broke being their emotional trash can with all your kindred spirit and helpfulness. Don't forget to take care of your own mental health while being so selfless.
Oh Eve!! I seriously never considered or knew that that type of pathology existed. I have actually considered my husband more codependent and more of a helper than myself-but at work (resigned because of teacher burnout) I love to help, but I could no longer do it within that capacity. I love my job now and now that I think of it I really like to solve people's problems. It makes sense. It's funny how you are unable to see these things about yourself. Thanks Eve!!!
It took a couple decades of dating and being in a dozen relationship that didn't last for the life changing realization to sink in. Like attracts like. I was as damaged as all the women the I had been involved with over the years. In general people seek others who can relate on some level to their life experiences.
Today, I haven't necessarily given up on the idea of finding a life partner, but I don't seek it out. I don't want to change or "fix" myself through therapy or drugs, even though it might make me more open to a healthy relationship. I feel like it's okay to have some emotional scar tissue, as long as one is aware of their affects.
Last edited by A1eutian; 07-15-2017 at 10:31 AM..
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