Why are so many people so vague in their communication? (men, complex)

[Dopo]

I catch my wife a lot of times talking in a way that makes people guess .... and I can tell that she finds it funny
I know her dad does it, too, and both find it funny.

This is the kind of BS they do
Dad: "Yesterday I broke my leg"
Daughter: "Uh my God, are you ok?"
Dad: "Yes, I'm fine, but the table leg is not"

[sas318]

Originally Posted by ABQConvict

I think many people assume the listener knows what they are thinking. They think they are giving enough information because their inner dialog/thought process has already set the context for the thought they are trying to communicate and they then communicate with the listener under the assumption that their mind space is laboring under the same context.

Yes, this. My co-worker and my spouse does this all the time. They blurt out something with 0 context. Drives me nuts but that's how they are.

I do the same thing sometimes too but catch myself and give the context in my next sentence.

[ClaraC]

Haha funny thread. My sister and my husband both say things completely at random out of context, but they realize they've done it again and apologize and laugh.

One thing I LOVE, and I'm seeing more and more people do this in online or text conversation, is to restate what we've agreed on in a long email or text thread. "Ok great! I'd love to go to happy hour on Thursday the 8th at Chuy's with you and Karen and will look for you to pick me up at 6:30! See you then!"

Love that. No room for confusion.

[ciceropolo]

There can be many variables involved in what you observe:
1) Educational level or lack of desire to communicate effectively (can be found across generations but is seemingly more prevalent with high digital mobile communication use in formative years - lack of ability to frame communication in context

2) Communication 'style': concrete versus feeling/ emotional

3) Lame attempts at humor (from sarcastic to juvenile)

4) "Political correctness" speak: avoidance of direct by verbally 'tiptoeing around certain subjects" to protect others perceived feelings

5) Increased pace to daily life and those who cannot disengage in the "always on" type mindset has them disjointed in communicating cogently

6) Distracted mind flow or a synaptic neuron thread was touched which prompts other associative topics and the person speaks on endlessly about irrelevant things (to the listener), but which, in their mind, are sort of 'spatially' placed together in their memory banks. My mom was this way, more so as she aged.

7) Purposeful as payback to those who may be a bore, but from whom you cannot disassociate yourself from their presence.

8) Purposeful to keep others away from your 'personal space' when a topic is not something one deems appropriate based on level of relationship.


I'm sure there are other reasons but I gather that covers the majority of them.


Here are some past comments pertinent to the topic:
Context / Purpose element
//www.city-data.com/forum/psych...l#post39489913

Attitude toward understanding element
//www.city-data.com/forum/philo...l#post34791183

Educational element
//www.city-data.com/forum/educa...l#post40848927

Ability to process and evolve element:
//www.city-data.com/forum/philo...l#post48228271


I second ClaraC on the electronic communication protocol of repeating apt points to ensure understanding as the example she cited.

[matisse12]

interesting post, ciceropolo! thanks! interesting analysis!

[In2itive_1]

Well, this happens. It is one thing that makes life fun, isn't it? I think some expect others to read their minds. I have experienced another telling me something as they become frustrated with my "not getting the whole picture". I will say, "Well, you already have it in your own head, leaving out some details". I think some don't know they are doing that and if another did that to them, they might find out.

I don't know, people are different and it does not happen with everyone, since many are just easier to communicate with. We will gravitate to those who are more compatible, being easier to share back and forth with, on the same page. I tend to be descriptive when relaying something which I feel is helpful, while another may say "Just get to the point".

This can be an issue within the workplace, as an employer may have trouble communicating, but may treat an employee as if they are the problem. 😒

[matisse12]

I do not find vagueness of communication funny or fun or humorous or just a quirk or a lovable quirky behavior. To each his own, of course.

It's more a psychological study, and an analysis and indication of what is going on in society, the educational system, the culture, the cognitive skills of individuals, and the lack of development of cognitive skills.

And it's a behavior that says something about society and communication in society, and why communication has developed in certain ways for some or many.

[In2itive_1]

Originally Posted by jaminhealth

What I see more and more, young and even older, the NEED to grab that ipad or phone or whatever they use. They can say they are different and don't do that when talking to a person or persons, but as the words come out of their mouth their phone rings or they glance at their ipads.

Exactly. It is pretty annoying. If out with others, which is not daily, for some it is SO important to be looking at their phone the entire time. I will ask, "Oh, did someone post something on Facebook"? Otherwise, we might be conversing together on the phone, when I will realize they are not listening. I could say something like "I fell off a bridge" and they would say "Um-hmm". (What is the point of conversing?)

My sister stopped by the other day, in-between other commitments, and right away had her phone or iPad in front of her, as usual. (We are not kids and she is older). She will get notifications to "take her turn" on a game and who knows what all else. I was watching TV, but I got my iPad out too and came to CD. At some point I said, "Nice visiting with you".. and she said, "I appreciate the quiet".. (since she came from being with others and was headed elsewhere to be with others, she was having a break.. but doubtless does that then, too). She took a lengthy trip with a friend recently, and must have done that the entire time. I never asked if her friend did that too...but I doubt it. She had been on a trip with another friend who does not do this and heard that the poor friend kept trying to talk to her. I can just imagine how bored she was. (This has really gotten out of hand with some).

If I go out with a friend, I want to enjoy the time together. If I have a visitor, I would not be checking my device, either. (I will admit, I don't have the need to text). In fact, I am only involved in posting here or on another site, doing online research or occasional emailing. Though I am frequently here, I am either ON or OFF, but not doing so with company.

[Bill Angelo]

Originally Posted by Jakealope

I wasn't sure where to post this, so I guess the Psychology forum is the right place. Over the years I have noticed that most (not all) people are vague communicators. It drives me crazy, because I feel like words are very important and people should use the correct words and add details so that others understand them. If I didn't run across this on a daily basis I probably wouldn't notice and would chalk it up as an isolated incident. But I constantly find myself scratching my head and thinking why can't people give a couple of details and not make others have to ask questions and pull information out of them.

I was talking to a realtor about selling my house. She said "The house I sold near you on Oak Street sold in 2 months". I paused thinking, what house on Oak Street? There haven't been any houses near me for sale on Oak? I couldn't think of it and so I asked her which house. She said, "You know, the house on Elm Street". So I said "Oh, I know that house. It's on Elm, not Oak". She looked at me kind of funny and said "Well, yeah it's off of Oak." Well, why not say the house off of Oak on Elm?

My husband never uses last names when talking about people. He says "I was talking to Lynn and she said..........". I find myself immediately thinking that I know 2 Lynn's who I talk to frequently and he plays golf with a Lynn and works with another Lynn, so I stop him and ask "Which Lynn?" He then acts annoyed. He also starts conversations with no intro and gets frustrated when I ask what the heck he is talking about. Out of the blue he'll say "They gave me a price and it was really expensive". So then I have to ask, "Who gave you a price on what"? And then he'll tell me who and what and I'll note that we hadn't discussed this in 2 days so how would I know what he is thinking that led into that topic. So I ask him if he thinks I can read his mind and he says no. He does this all the time. We have some friends that we socialize with regularly and they jokingly ask me to translate what he is talking about because he jumps topics with no into.

I run several recreational sports leagues and communicate with hundreds of team captains through email. I always remind team captains to please identify their team name, league and flight when they contact me so that I can better help them. Yet they constantly send me one line emails such as "Our Sunday game was rained out." Nothing in the subject line, no league name, no team name, no date, nothing identifying anything at all.

I used to get meeting invitations at my former employer with no meeting room given. This didn't happen occasionally. It happened weekly and it was often the same people who did this over and over.

A friend asked me to carpool to a meeting recently and we decided to meet in a mall parking lot that was easy for us to get to. So I told her we should meet on the side facing Main Street in front of the Kroger at the end of the parking lot. I noted that we could park in the shade since there were trees in that part of the lot. She laughed and said "I never would have thought of any of that. I'd have just said lets meet in the parking lot and we would have driven around for twenty minutes texting each other so we could find each other and we'd have been late to our meeting". I just laughed but thought that was so true.

I don't get it. Why is it so hard for most people to be specific so that others are not having to figure out what they mean? It's so much easier to give details and avoid back and forth questions. I know a few other people who notice the same thing, and we often talk about being in a minority. We just can't figure it out.

Thank you for this post. this is something I should work on, especially at work.

[jteskal]

Technology. Many people only know how to communicate via text/email. Have no clue how to talk face to face more less on the phone anymore. And professionalism has went out the door. I see so many emails where people type just like they would talk among friends much less in a professional environment.