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I heard someone say that today, and it is very true. There have been a number of times when I've felt like doing something or saying something to set the record straight, but it wouldn't have done me any good.
An example is if you have a rude boss or coworker who speaks harshly to you. You're probably tempted to yell at him and put him in his place, but that would only end up in you getting fired. Either try to work through the problem, admitting you did something wrong, or if it's just over the top meanness, finding a new job is a better solution.
I've always had a problem with this. I am very defensive by nature and dish it back harder when someone is rude to me or does me wrong. It doesn't always help.
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"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
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That's so true, Old Sol. Knowing when to shut up even if you're right and have every right to speak.
I'm so surprised by people who get themselves in to deep sh*t by mouthing off and demanding their rights, when it's clear they're about to be abused or lose some privilege. Just shut your mouth for crying out loud!
The other thing, when you're in polite conversation, is to know when to correct someone. If someone says "oh I love your buttercups!" when they're really Evening Primroses, it's fine to say oh thank you. But if they say "oh I love your buttercups I'm going to order seeds online myself" that's when you say thank you but actually, those are evening primroses.
I'm NOT talking about anger, I rarely get angry but it's about a decision or no decision to make about a matter. In other words, sleep before you speak or not to speak. Often it's best TO JUST LET GO. So much is so trivial.
I heard someone say that today, and it is very true. There have been a number of times when I've felt like doing something or saying something to set the record straight, but it wouldn't have done me any good.
An example is if you have a rude boss or coworker who speaks harshly to you. You're probably tempted to yell at him and put him in his place, but that would only end up in you getting fired. Either try to work through the problem, admitting you did something wrong, or if it's just over the top meanness, finding a new job is a better solution.
I've always had a problem with this. I am very defensive by nature and dish it back harder when someone is rude to me or does me wrong. It doesn't always help.
Yeah as I kinda said in your other thread tact is often unfortunately what you need to practice IRL because it seems too easy to burn bridges. I find it sad because we are taught that we should stand up for ourselves. However how can you do that?
In many cases it's probably best to just find someone new as you said but I am trapped for this very reason. There's few people out there--for lack of a better word-- to serve the same purpose for you. So in that case what do you do? I know that you have to practice tact so I try hinting at them. Sometimes they are clueless and other times they pretend to be clueless because they know they don't have an obligation if you don't directly tell them. In the past when someone hurts me I stop talking to them. That is exactly what feels best for me because I don't like to show my vulnerability anyway if I don't have to but it doesn't really stop them either because they will just stop contacting me too. It makes me mad that I have to do this because it makes me feel like a coward and my father was a coward so I don't want to feel like him. Instead of telling them how wrong they are for treating me that way, I'll post online about it or I'll sing about them angrily in my bedroom. It soothes me a bit to get it out but I wish I could tell them directly because I know that I have every right to feel that way.
Trying to be right all the time I would think would be exhausting. Sure you can try to get the other person to agree but to what end, does it really matter at the end of day.
Pick your battles. I learned this with my child and carried it into other parts of my life and it works. Used it with mother in law and husband too. I used to get mad about all sorts of stuff. Scratch in the new flooring, oh well, was going to happen eventually. Same with other stuff. What really matters.
I totally agree with this. While it can be very frustrating to be absolutely certain the other person has his/her facts wrong, and equally tempting to find proof to show them, doing so will only succeed in making them resent you.
Funny that when I read the OP, I took those words differently. Seeking to be right leads one to stop listening. One becomes smarter when one listens with the goal of understanding.
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