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One of the big life lessons I've learned is that what we choose to focus on has a huge impact in how we feel. And yet, knowing this, I still have situations where I automatically focus on the negatives.
Case in point, at my job I've been overseeing a project where the bulk of the actual work was being done by somebody in another building. Due to a number of issues including poor communication, I wasn't 100% satisfied with the final product, but with a hard deadline we sent it off to the printer this week.
Today, I sent a PDF copy of the finished product to a bunch of my co-workers. Within 5 minutes, one department spotted a series of errors that my boss and I had completely overlooked and their supervisor came and showed it to me. I spent the rest of this morning kicking myself for not thinking to get them involved earlier.
I should be happy this long-running project is finished, but instead I can't think about it without feeling it should have been much better.
Why Is It So Easy To Focus On The Negative? I'd say it's because the negative involves pain or discomfort so that makes it more important to avoid or deal with than the positives. I imagine that PTSD can enter the picture and have person neurotically focused on avoiding or predicting pain to the exclusion of the positives in their life. Coming from a very dysfunctional, painful family, I am HYPER-sensitive to what's "negative" and nearly blind to the positives. I can spot a negative a mile away but often miss the positives!
This will vary from person to person and change over a lifetime based on experience. Personally I acknowledge negatives, but don't dwell on those beyond my control.
Perhaps one reason is because negativity is rampant . . turn on the news, the main topics are bad news; they claim that bad news results in higher ratings than 'good' news.
I used to get chided at work for being in a good mood! Seriously! Way too often coworkers would say, "Why are you in such a good mood?" "Why do you smile so much?" "Aren't you ever in a bad mood?" And their tone of voice was critical, not complimentary. I suppose they were miserable and 'misery loves company'?
All good points. I think the reason the scenario I related above bugged me so much is because of how fast it happened. I never expected my finished product to be 100% flawless, but to have the first response to it, which came within 5-10 minutes, be "Look! We spotted a huge goof!" really rubbed me the wrong way. Handled differently, I probably would have been able to brush it off faster.
It's a general trend in life, sad but true. It happens in all spheres, not just work. Knowing how it is, it still bothers me. I just reaffirm to myself each time that I won't be that type of person if/when I ever am in a position to point out another person's mistake (if it's required). And that scenario does come up from time to time. When it does, I focus on the positive aspects before noting the errors, and tell the person I recognize and appreciate the work and effort they put into it. Essentially, how I would want to be treated!
Without stinkin' thinkin' there would be much less drama and all too many seem to thrive on it. It gives purpose and excitement to their otherwise unfulfilling lives. As for me, I much prefer a cheerful outlook even in the face of adversity.
Human nature. You ever notice that good news is never interesting? What else are you going to say but "great to hear or congratulations?"
Humans love to complain. Negatives also make you change things and makes you problem solve, which inspire a lot of talking.
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Negative early conditioning
