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Old 07-26-2017, 06:09 AM
 
Location: interior Alaska
6,895 posts, read 5,806,371 times
Reputation: 23410

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Quote:
Originally Posted by silibran View Post
Tell them you are from wherever you are living now. I am sorry you think this question is offensive. Americans really like to hear where others come from. I am not aware that Americans look down on Eastern Europeans though.
Really. You've never, say, encountered a dumb Pollack joke or one of the myriad nasty stereotypes about Russians?

Quote:
Originally Posted by censusdata View Post
If you're from a dominant group it is rarely an offensive question. If you are from some sort of a marginalized group (such as White Southerners, African American, Eastern European immigrant in the UK, etc) it can be seem like a put down depending on how it's asked. The tone can change the question to "You're not really from here, are you?".
Thanks for this thoughtful response, and for getting it.

I am reading this thread and it's unbelievable to me how many people are like, "Well, I am 47% Western European and 52% Southern European and 1% Native American Cherokee Princess and I love to tell every person who'll stand still long enough to listen all about my Ancestry.com research, so when I'm in line at the DMV and some random fourth-generation Chinese-American woman doesn't want to give me a social studies lesson about where she's from - no, where she's really from - she must just be ASHAMED OF HER CULTURE. Or OVERSENSITIVE."

I mean, come on. Even if you think it's a super fun topic of conversation surely you can take a second, put yourself in someone else's shoes, and think, hey, maybe other people have different sets of experiences, which make them reluctant to tell their life story to near strangers, or wearied of the same questions over and over again, or just private individuals.
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Old 07-26-2017, 06:22 AM
 
50,192 posts, read 35,868,562 times
Reputation: 76156
Quote:
Originally Posted by Frostnip View Post
Really. You've never, say, encountered a dumb Pollack joke or one of the myriad nasty stereotypes about Russians?



Thanks for this thoughtful response, and for getting it.

I am reading this thread and it's unbelievable to me how many people are like, "Well, I am 47% Western European and 52% Southern European and 1% Native American Cherokee Princess and I love to tell every person who'll stand still long enough to listen all about my Ancestry.com research, so when I'm in line at the DMV and some random fourth-generation Chinese-American woman doesn't want to give me a social studies lesson about where she's from - no, where she's really from - she must just be ASHAMED OF HER CULTURE. Or OVERSENSITIVE."

I mean, come on. Even if you think it's a super fun topic of conversation surely you can take a second, put yourself in someone else's shoes, and think, hey, maybe other people have different sets of experiences, which make them reluctant to tell their life story to near strangers, or wearied of the same questions over and over again, or just private individuals.
Who asked for a life story?? When someone asks "How are you?" does that mean they want to hear every detail of your Colonoscopy? No, it's conversation. What on earth. It's not people standing in line at DMV, it's again people you are having a conversation with, where some sort of relationship exists whether business or pleasure. It's a getting to know you question: Where are you from? where did you go to college? How long have you and Lois been married? Where are you working now? Conversation.

Who has talked about announcing their own heritage to strangers?? Again, what on earth.
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Old 07-26-2017, 06:32 AM
 
Location: Removing a snake out of the neighbor's washing machine
3,095 posts, read 2,017,783 times
Reputation: 2304
Quote:
Originally Posted by MihailTheViking View Post
I think in many instances the question "Where Are You From?" is loaded. I have seen the way Western Europeans treat me before and after they get this "vital" information. As an Eastern European apparently I am not enough to be an equal to the French, Italians and the British (most xenophobes I've met were of those national identities). I have decided that instead of answering this question, I will lecture them that it is potentially offensive and should be avoided as it might be used for racial or cultural profiling. It is not politically correct and I get offended as I don't want to be put a label.

I am me, I am not some stereotype of a Macedonian/Eastern European. I am not a label.

I mean if I live, work, and pay taxes in my host country and call it my home, who cares where I was born and grew up? The past is irrelevant anyway. And who decides that 5 years in the Netherlands are less than more, but less eventful years in my home country? I met more people and did more things in those 5 years than in my whole life prior to that and I became very Westernized.

We are who we are not only due to our original countries, but also due to all the other countries we have been visited and lived in. Therefore, I no longer fully identify as "Macedonian", I am more of a 90% Macedonian and 10% Dutch, not by blood but culturally speaking.

Unlike some people I embrace the culture from my host countries and I think this is right. I think I no longer fully fit in the Balkans and their mentality (I never really fit there to be honest...). It is high time some liberals from the USA come to Europe and fix the faux-liberal European societies by teaching them that some things many people in them do are actually discriminatory in nature and promoting inequality.

I ask only if I am speaking with someone whose accent resembles that of one of my older relatives. My Hungarian-American grandmother for instance. I can practice a few phrases with the person if there is a match, and it's all in good fun.

My wife is Filipino. Often I will ask where someone is from if they seem remotely Asian. Often I get a Latin country, as there are some common physical attributes that people from those countries share with Asians. The ones who drive me nuts are the ones, with an obvious accent thicker than the cement in Hoover Dam, I keep asking where are you from. They give the name of the town we are in. I go 'before that?', and they give the name of a city in the next state. 'Before that?' "The west coast"! "Loook, I Em Ahh-MEDDY-kon!". Like they're ashamed of their birthplace or something. I just want to learn more about where they're from. Might be someplace exotic and warm where I'd love to visit for crying out loud.

Last edited by TheGrandK-Man; 07-26-2017 at 06:40 AM..
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Old 07-26-2017, 06:47 AM
 
Location: Central IL
20,726 posts, read 16,221,348 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Crashj007 View Post
A friend from Hawaii was very Japanese in appearance but even on his father's side he was third generation, his mother was definitely WASP. His father was military and when the family was stationed in the South he was challenged, "You're not from around here, are you, boy?"
He answered, "No sir, but I got here as quick as I could."
You can be resentful or just work with it.
I'd not be interested in working with anyone who called me "boy", or the equivalent. That's far from ambiguous in the phrasing compared to "where are you from?".
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Old 07-26-2017, 06:55 AM
 
Location: interior Alaska
6,895 posts, read 5,806,371 times
Reputation: 23410
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheGrandK-Man View Post
The ones who drive me nuts are the ones, with an obvious accent thicker than the cement in Hoover Dam, I keep asking where are you from. They give the name of the town we are in. I go 'before that?', and they give the name of a city in the next state. 'Before that?' "The west coast"! "Loook, I Em Ahh-MEDDY-kon!". Like they're ashamed of their birthplace or something. I just want to learn more about where they're from. Might be someplace exotic and warm where I'd love to visit for crying out loud.
So when people try to politely deflect that they're not, for whatever personal reason, interesting in pursuing that line of conversation with you, you continue asking prying questions, then you post on a discussion board about how bad they are, while you make fun of their accents. And THEY're the ones behaving in a troublesome way?
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Old 07-26-2017, 07:01 AM
 
Location: plano
7,885 posts, read 11,335,086 times
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I'm sure if one looks to be offended they can be daily with and without intent. Why spend ones life that way.. blow it off and move forward, out of range of the offender if it seems intended or like someone you prefer not to be around
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Old 07-26-2017, 07:50 AM
 
Location: NC
151 posts, read 126,285 times
Reputation: 316
I'm not offended, per se, but I've definitely had a ton of people ask "what I am" within like 10 minutes of meeting me (seemed to happen a lot when I lived in Boston, though I did get it growing up in FL as well...not so much here in Raleigh) and found it a little annoying for a couple reasons.

Part of it was just getting asked a lot and feeling like a broken record. But it was also entirely based on having slightly darker features and feeling like people were trying to figure out what box to put me in. I think the problem I have with that is that it doesn't accurately describe anything about how I was raised or how I self-identify. It's just out-of-context information unless you've interacted with me longer than saying hello.

To explain: my mom immigrated to the US as a young adult on her own, a decade or so before I was born. My dad's family has been here for generations. So people will ask about my heritage essentially because I look different. I was born in the US, have always lived here, don't have an accent, and have a really unremarkable name, so the way I look is literally the only thing that's different. But it's actually my dad's side of the family that was really influential in my upbringing, because they're the relatives I interacted with. And I don't really see myself as anything but American or think my childhood was particularly unusual just because my mom was born elsewhere.

The funny thing is that my best friend is a dual US/UK citizen who moved here with her parents when she was 10 or so, has an unusual (in the US) first name, and doesn't feel any particular allegiance to the US when it comes to the Olympics, World Cup, etc., and I've never heard anyone ask where she came from. (And she doesn't have an accent, so it's not like anyone would hear her talk and assume.) But her life history is so much more interesting than mine is!
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Old 07-26-2017, 08:10 AM
 
7,489 posts, read 4,899,203 times
Reputation: 8031
Quote:
Originally Posted by Johnhw2 View Post
I'm sure if one looks to be offended they can be daily with and without intent. Why spend ones life that way.. blow it off and move forward, out of range of the offender if it seems intended or like someone you prefer not to be around
I completely agree that common questions about nationality should not lead to uncomfortable emotions. I use those questions as an opportunity to proudly discuss my heritage. However, there are instances where more action is needed.

My brother's wife is from Asia. When she took their young children to the playground, and tried to get to know the other neighborhood moms, all the moms assumed that she was the nanny. They would not include her as one of the moms or socialize with her. It was such an odd and unpleasant experience that my brother and wife moved to another neighborhood where people would treat her normally. Interestingly, the more expensive/affluent neighborhood was more accepting and less likely to make assumptions.
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Old 07-26-2017, 08:13 AM
 
Location: Montgomery County, PA
16,568 posts, read 15,139,225 times
Reputation: 14589
Quote:
Originally Posted by ocnjgirl View Post
These are not total strangers walking up to people and asking lol. These questions are in the context of conversation, some sort of relationship exists. If I were working with a female patient I would most definitely during course of getting the know her and conversation during treatment, certainly I would ask "what do you do?, "where do you live" and things like that. These are all normal conversation questions, as is "where are you from?".

You make it sound like people are approaching strangers and going up and asking them where they are from. If a stranger asked the above questions, yes, quite inappropriate....if a stranger approaches and asks you ANYTHING that personal, it's inappropriate. This is not what we are discussing.
The situation is exactly the opposite of what you describe. If you worked with someone for any length of time you would know all about her. The 'where are you from" comes up when you are riding a cab or sitting next to someone on the plane. They ARE total strangers whom you've "known" for two minutes.
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Old 07-26-2017, 08:21 AM
 
7,489 posts, read 4,899,203 times
Reputation: 8031
Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyRider View Post
The situation is exactly the opposite of what you describe. If you worked with someone for any length of time you would know all about her. The 'where are you from" comes up when you are riding a cab or sitting next to someone on the plane. They ARE total strangers whom you've "known" for two minutes.
You're right. Questions about nationality come up right away, can be perceived as "in your face", and do seem too personal. Still, there's no reason to be offended. It's an opportunity to talk all about me, dominate the conversation, and make a strong statement about pride in nationality. After making a speech about nationality, flip the question and see what comes back. It's usually something very boring and brief. End of conversation.

I will say that rednecks are the worst. They usually can't handle something that is different than what they are. That can lead to stupid remarks, but there's nothing to do about stupidity except smile sympathetically.
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