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I won't ask, either. I worked in a very culturally diverse place, and people were open about their backgrounds and talking about their traditions and culture, but this guy started working in the division next to mine and I couldn't for the life of me figure out his ethnicity. Of course I was curious, but I was not going to ask.
He looked somewhat Asian, but not really, and he had dark eyes and hair, but he was much taller and bigger built than most Asian people. He spoke English with no accent whatsoever.
One day he had a travel brochure in his office for Turkey. I asked if he was planning a trip, and he said yes, he had relatives there and that was where he was born. I said "Oh, so you are Turkish." Nope. Turned out he was Uzbek. His parents had left Uzbekistan to get out of the USSR, and then they migrated to Turkey, where he and his brother was born. After that he lived in Australia until he was 8, then they came to the United States.
I had never even heard of Uzbekistan at the time, and then right after that an Uzbek girl became a contender for the Olympic figure skating.
He said his brother looked a little more Asian than he did, and that they had been called "Chinks" a few times.
I would not find it offensive at all if I would say "You have such interesting and unique features. Excuse my curiosity but would you mind telling me your ethnicity? You look very exotic."
HOW CAN THIS BE RUDE or offensive? He would then say, "I am Uzbek." and you say "Oh, interesting. I have never met anyone from there. I was wondering and just couldn't figure it out."
90% of all people I talk to ask me where I come from when we just meet. 90%!!! If I choose to get offended, I would be pi$$ed off all the time.
So, if you [not directed at anyone in particular] were at a front counter of a diner or at a bar and asked some one to pass a condiment or the like to you and they had an accent you found unique, you couldn't say something like, "I detected a slight accent, where are you from"?
I can expect to be asked where I am from, (which has happened) if I've moved from one regional area of the U.S. to another.
Last edited by cat1116; 07-26-2017 at 09:11 AM..
Reason: Added in parens part
The situation is exactly the opposite of what you describe. If you worked with someone for any length of time you would know all about her. The 'where are you from" comes up when you are riding a cab or sitting next to someone on the plane. They ARE total strangers whom you've "known" for two minutes.
That's not the context given in the OP, nor the context I mean. I have never seen people approach strangers and ask their heritage. On a plane or traveling however I would think "where are you from?" would be a normal conversation topic, and in that context I wouldn't assume it means heritage at all but where are you traveling from.
When I speak of people I work with I mean my patients (I'm a therapist) again just conversation. I have never, ever seen someone just go up randomly to a brown person and ask their heritage.
Even the example given earlier about the Asian down south who was asked "you're not from around here, are you?" the person assumed it was because they were Asian, but that is silly, there are certainly Asians down south. It could be because he didn't dress, talk or behave like the southerners that gave away he wasn't from around there. It seems some assume the worst intentions when they may not even be right about what the question actually is that is being asked, or why.
Who asked for a life story?? When someone asks "How are you?" does that mean they want to hear every detail of your Colonoscopy? No, it's conversation. What on earth. It's not people standing in line at DMV, it's again people you are having a conversation with, where some sort of relationship exists whether business or pleasure. It's a getting to know you question: Where are you from? where did you go to college? How long have you and Lois been married? Where are you working now? Conversation.
Who has talked about announcing their own heritage to strangers?? Again, what on earth.
Oh, but they do. There are about 10 follow up questions, that all basically include your life story. I can recite them verbatim if you wish. Then there's the whole political, geography & history lesson when they ask questions b/c they've never even heard of the country, though it's in Europe.
I vehemently disagree that there is some sort of relationship. As someone who gets asked roughly 10x/week for over 40 years, most of them ARE complete strangers! Of course, our definition or stranger may not be the same. If you are a service provider to me, someone I pay, you are a stranger & I have no reason to share personal info with you unless it is directly related to the service you are providing me. If you are someone I will only talk to or see once or twice a year, you are a stranger. Almost everyone who has asked me for the past 40 some years is a stranger! It's tiring, it's annoying & it's no more your business than how much money I make or why I don't have kids. I get asked on almost every phone convo I have b/c my name is so rare. Unless you are a friend, you should not ask & if you're a friend, you'll find out the info in an organic manner.
I know someone upthread said Americans are used to encountering people from other countries. Sorry, but the smallest city I've ever lived in is 500K & I find that to be patently untrue. Not only are they not used to it, their knowledge of geography, world politics, history, religion, etc. in general, is extremely poor. The questions I've been asked are mind boggling, the assumptions are downright scary & I'm saying that as a "white" European. Ironically, the city I'm in now, while small, has better understanding b/c of the military presence, so it's more used to 'foreigners'.
People keep talking about being ashamed. What if you're from a country that has a lot of shameful history? I'm not & I'm not ashamed, but having left my country when I was 2, I also don't relate much to it. But I imagine someone from some war-torn African countries with horrible situations may in fact be ashamed. In fact, they may have fled their countries. Maybe they watched their family being murdered. Maybe their country has a communist past or has had a dictatorship or they were a woman subject to Sharia law. Maybe they had to kill to survive or resort to illegal acts to escape from oppression. You think they're thrilled to be asked where they're from? It's a deeply personal, private question, not the cavalier one that many Americans seem to think it is.
I think if some of you could walk in our shoes for a month, you may have a whole different perspective on this topic. Of course that's true of most topics.
That's not the context given in the OP, nor the context I mean. I have never seen people approach strangers and ask their heritage. On a plane or traveling however I would think "where are you from?" would be a normal conversation topic, and in that context I wouldn't assume it means heritage at all but where are you traveling from.
When I speak of people I work with I mean my patients (I'm a therapist) again just conversation. I have never, ever seen someone just go up randomly to a brown person and ask their heritage.
Even the example given earlier about the Asian down south who was asked "you're not from around here, are you?" the person assumed it was because they were Asian, but that is silly, there are certainly Asians down south. It could be because he didn't dress, talk or behave like the southerners that gave away he wasn't from around there. It seems some assume the worst intentions when they may not even be right about what the question actually is that is being asked, or why.
Re: the bolded.
I have that happen quite a bit. I'm white, you know, of the 'dominant group', and I still get asked, by total strangers, what my heritage is. I've had people ask me if I'm NDN...which surprises me that they would ask that considering the only NDN that I know of is a great grandmother. I'm asked if I'm Irish, (partly), I'm asked "what else are you?" It's interesting to me, not offensive, that they can see that I do have some mix in there from one relative as a Choctaw, and 3 European countries. I am always curious what made them guess exactly right. Irish one is kind of easy, though.
It happens. It happened when I lived in Europe for 3 years, it happens all over the states, it happened when I would go up to Canada as part of a job I had...it just happens.
And of all the times I've asked people where they are from, not once has anyone shown even the slightest bit of offense at such questions.
I don't care what color someone is, if I can tell that they are mixed, I will ask. As someone else pointed out, humans are curious creatures. Usually when I'm asking it's because I find the person very nice to look at, and I want to know what I'm looking at.
But hey, if someone wants to walk around with a chip on their shoulder thinking that everything is racist or has some hidden agenda...that's on them. I'm still going to ask.
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