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Hopefully this is what happens with me. I'll finally have my car paid off when I am 34. I can move on from that colossal mistake and get on with my life.
Thinking about this, it really sucks that I've basically had the throw away "prime" years of my life because of this. I would love for things to be different but there really isn't anything I can do to change it. I stupidly signed the dotted line on that car. I let my parents manipulate me into first going back into the closet and second into moving back home. When all is said and done, I'll have wasted eight or possibly nine years of my life in this town. Eight or nine years I have absolutely nothing to show for except an expensive car that I don't like and never wanted. Arrrggggh!!!!
One thing that gives me a little more peace is that a lot of people around my age are in unhappy situations that they don't have any simple way out of. It could be a bad marriage/relationship or a toxic job situation or something else of the sort. While my situation with my parents and ex-gay conversion therapy is not common in my generation, it's not unheard of either especially in ultra-conservative, Bible Belt areas of the country like where I live. At least I am gaining valuable work experience at my job, if nothing else, that I will be able to use towards finding another job once I get to a new city. On the other side of that, it sucks that my situation is because I allowed myself to be taken advantage of by a sleazy car salesman.
Bottom line is it's flat out stupid. Having bought that car is definitely one of the biggest life lessons I'll ever learn. I wish I could go back in time and bash my 28 year old self over the head with a 2x4 when walking into that dealership.
You know OP, if you go back to your original post and then read THIS one, I think you'll see that your mindset has already shifted for the better. What is in the past can't be changed....but it can be learned from, and you did! Regrets can be like the clothes in the back of your closet (no, no, not THAT closet)....still back there taking up space but we can't quite get rid of them because they hold some memories. When we happen to uncover them again there's that twinge of "how could I have ever bought/worn that ugly thing!". Doesn't mean you are doomed to wear them again. Silly analogy I know, but what impresses me is the change in tone during this thread.
You know OP, if you go back to your original post and then read THIS one, I think you'll see that your mindset has already shifted for the better. What is in the past can't be changed....but it can be learned from, and you did! Regrets can be like the clothes in the back of your closet (no, no, not THAT closet)....still back there taking up space but we can't quite get rid of them because they hold some memories. When we happen to uncover them again there's that twinge of "how could I have ever bought/worn that ugly thing!". Doesn't mean you are doomed to wear them again. Silly analogy I know, but what impresses me is the change in tone during this thread.
I agree on regrets. It will be much easier to think along these lines once my car is paid off and it's no longer a ball and chain preventing me from actually living my life. Even if I was alright living in Oklahoma City, there are countless better uses of $500/month than paying on this stupid car that I never wanted.
There are certain decisions we make throughout the course of our lives that completely alter our trajectory. Things like getting married, where you work, choosing where to live, buying a house, buying a car, etc are among them.
I've learned to never, ever make any of these decisions on impulse and can't believe I allowed it to happen. I actually attempted to walk away from the car deal twice because I wasn't completely sure I wanted it but the dealership wouldn't let me leave. It's easy to say "lesson learned" but six years of life because of that decision is a very, very hard pill to swallow.
One thing I want to add is that I've made a lot of poor decisions on my life. Even some of the worst ones, such as moving back home in 2012, I strongly regret but I can at least understand my mindset when I did it and why I made the decision I made.
The car on the other hand takes the cake for the absolute dumbest thing I ever did. I had just stopped cigarette smoking and was going through the withdrawal so I wasn't quite in a clear frame of mind to begin with. I already had a car that I actually really liked that was close to being paid off. I went to the dealership to "look" and they basically forced me into a car I couldn't really afford. I tried to walk away from the deal twice but the dealership wouldn't let me leave and they had already cleaned out my old car and placed all my belongings into the new one, without my permission of course. I remember I was actually shaking when I signed the dotted line I was so nervous because I knew I was screwing myself. I remember driving away from the dealership thinking "what have I done?" I immediately had to cut a huge amount of expenses just to be able to afford the payment. I went from living comfortably to living nearly paycheck to paycheck. Six years of life (prime, young adult life at that), down the toilet because of that decision. I have a hard time believing it possible that I could have been that stupid.
To top it all off, I got in a fender bender within the first week causing my insurance to skyrocket and wiping out the little bit of savings I had left.
Last edited by bawac34618; 07-28-2017 at 05:45 PM..
I agree on regrets. It will be much easier to think along these lines once my car is paid off and it's no longer a ball and chain preventing me from actually living my life. Even if I was alright living in Oklahoma City, there are countless better uses of $500/month than paying on this stupid car that I never wanted.
There are certain decisions we make throughout the course of our lives that completely alter our trajectory. Things like getting married, where you work, choosing where to live, buying a house, buying a car, etc are among them.
I've learned to never, ever make any of these decisions on impulse and can't believe I allowed it to happen. I actually attempted to walk away from the car deal twice because I wasn't completely sure I wanted it but the dealership wouldn't let me leave. It's easy to say "lesson learned" but six years of life because of that decision is a very, very hard pill to swallow.
I just read this thread.
You keep talking about how much you dislike your car yet you continue to take no action all the while it continues to depreciate. Why? When it's paid off you will still continue to hate it. I don't get this. For your own piece of mind take the loss and do it now. It's apparent you have good credit. I obviously don't know the exact details of this situation but your best bet is to take out a loan to pay it off, sell it, and use what is left to find something cheaper. Unless it has very high mileage you should be able to significantly lower your payments to drive a good older car. I would also recommend an older Toyota as I work in the service department of a dealer (admin). But do research, especially if buying from a private seller. Make sure a qualified mechanic checks it out. We charge $162.00 for one hour which includes a test drive. You can likely do better than that.
And what do you mean "the dealership wouldn't let me leave," were you held at gunpoint or something? I don't think you are taking enough responsibility for this. So much time wasted making payments toward something you don't want. I don't get it. You pay it off then what happens? The car you hate is now worth even less!
It might not be pleasant but walk into a bank and discuss a loan to pay it off and sell now. That could be a big key in changing your situation for the better.
A couple of more things - your family is toxic, as is the area you live in. The way I see it is you have the power to change that and soon. You are young, healthy, have a career, and good credit. It's up to you.
Best wishes.
You keep talking about how much you dislike your car yet you continue to take no action all the while it continues to depreciate. Why? When it's paid off you will still continue to hate it. I don't get this. For your own piece of mind take the loss and do it now. It's apparent you have good credit. I obviously don't know the exact details of this situation but your best bet is to take out a loan to pay it off, sell it, and use what is left to find something cheaper. Unless it has very high mileage you should be able to significantly lower your payments to drive a good older car. I would also recommend an older Toyota as I work in the service department of a dealer (admin). But do research, especially if buying from a private seller. Make sure a qualified mechanic checks it out. We charge $162.00 for one hour which includes a test drive. You can likely do better than that.
And what do you mean "the dealership wouldn't let me leave," were you held at gunpoint or something? I don't think you are taking enough responsibility for this. So much time wasted making payments toward something you don't want. I don't get it. You pay it off then what happens? The car you hate is now worth even less!
It might not be pleasant but walk into a bank and discuss a loan to pay it off and sell now. That could be a big key in changing your situation for the better.
A couple of more things - your family is toxic, as is the area you live in. The way I see it is you have the power to change that and soon. You are young, healthy, have a career, and good credit. It's up to you.
Best wishes.
I have looked into doing exactly that. The reason why I haven't is because I had so much negative equity from my previous car that I rolled into this one. The fender bender I got into my first week of owning this car also knocked a few thousand of the value. In essence, I was in a position where I owed $25,000 on a car that was worth about $10,000. The payment on a cheaper car plus the amount I would have to pay on the $15,000 or so loan to pay off the negative equity wouldn't have left me in a much better position than simply continuing the car payment.
Within the next couple of years I will be getting into a position on the loan where I will be significantly less upside down on it than I have been. I'm going to decide at that point if I want to sell it and get into something cheaper or just pay the thing off and drive it to the ground.
It's not that I hate the car itself. I didn't want to buy it, but its a good, reliable car. I liked my previous car that I traded in better, but when it comes to this car what I despise is more the payment and the decision I made to purchase it over the car itself.
In terms of the dealership, they had the keys to my old car and they refused to give them back. I kept asking and the salesperson brought in the manager who basically bullied me into taking the new car. I highly suggest anybody who is shopping for a car to never let them keep your keys after they test drive your old car to appraise it. Also, don't start negotiating in the back room until you have the keys to your old car back. In addition, DO NOT let them take all your belongings out of your old car and place them in the new car before you sign the dotted line. They will do that.
Might be dumb suggestion but what about driving for Uber or Lyft with ur car for extra income. If u have the time. It will rack up mileages on the car but u can make money n pay it off & then sell it or get rid of it. I dont know how popular it will be in small town but in big city people make good money driving for those company but only when they drive nights when people are bar hopping
One thing I want to add is that I've made a lot of poor decisions on my life. Even some of the worst ones, such as moving back home in 2012, I strongly regret but I can at least understand my mindset when I did it and why I made the decision I made.
The car on the other hand takes the cake for the absolute dumbest thing I ever did. I had just stopped cigarette smoking and was going through the withdrawal so I wasn't quite in a clear frame of mind to begin with. I already had a car that I actually really liked that was close to being paid off. I went to the dealership to "look" and they basically forced me into a car I couldn't really afford. I tried to walk away from the deal twice but the dealership wouldn't let me leave and they had already cleaned out my old car and placed all my belongings into the new one, without my permission of course. I remember I was actually shaking when I signed the dotted line I was so nervous because I knew I was screwing myself. I remember driving away from the dealership thinking "what have I done?" I immediately had to cut a huge amount of expenses just to be able to afford the payment. I went from living comfortably to living nearly paycheck to paycheck. Six years of life (prime, young adult life at that), down the toilet because of that decision. I have a hard time believing it possible that I could have been that stupid.
To top it all off, I got in a fender bender within the first week causing my insurance to skyrocket and wiping out the little bit of savings I had left.
I'm in the same boat as you as far as car ownership is concerned. I'm just keeping my head on straight and taking on the right paying jobs to get it paid off within three years or less. By that time, I'll decide whether or not it's still making me cringe. If it is, I'll definitely sell it off on the cheap and run down the street naked regardless of the consequences that entails!!
As for the OP, I do what I can to keep the better days I experienced, alive. I mention group party bike rides from time to time. I still manage to go on those and have been doing so for the past, ten years.
Only thing that irks me, especially here, are the toads that suggest I try other things in the case I can't do those any more.
Apart from join a street gang at 34, or join the Legionnaires, I just can't find the rush elsewhere!!
Might be dumb suggestion but what about driving for Uber or Lyft with ur car for extra income. If u have the time. It will rack up mileages on the car but u can make money n pay it off & then sell it or get rid of it. I dont know how popular it will be in small town but in big city people make good money driving for those company but only when they drive nights when people are bar hopping
By the time he would be ending his tenure at Uber the car will be almost worthless.
With the wear and tear (inevitable car repairs and extra maintenance) as well as gas money I don't see how anyone is making money doing this. I've personally spoke to a couple of customers who drove for Uber without me bringing up the high mileage tell me they regret it and were giving it up. I imagine most don't realize mileage put on a car matters in a big way.
When I see very high mileage on a 2015 - 2017 car getting service where I work I just shake my head and say to myself "Uber driver."
1) I am gay and still in the closet. "I'm gay" are the two most difficult words to say.
OUCH! There it is! You are not letting yourself be yourself and LIVE!.
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2) I am living in the small, conservative Bible Belt city I swore I would never live in again when I left after college. It only took me four years to move back due to pressure from my parents as well as the recession. I tolerate it more now than I did in the beginning, but I still struggle with feelings of failure because I had to move back here.
Feelings of failure an cripple anyone - even so called successful folks.
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3) I really don't have a lot to work with in terms of changing things due to having purchased a car I cannot afford in 2014. I purchased the car on impulse. I attempted to walk away from the deal multiple times but the salesman roped me into it. Since then, I've basically been working and living for this car that I didn't even want. I can't sell it because of negative equity. My ONLY options are to run out the clock on this car payment or allow it to be repossessed. It's a 7-year loan that ends in 2020. Right now I am on track to pay it off early (in 2019 hopefully) but that's still two years away.
Give the car back!
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4) Feeling consistent and overwhelming nostalgia for my mid twenties. My life between ages 23 and 26 is pretty much the standard I compare everything to and nothing comes close. I know this isn't healthy and I've watched/read material on overcoming nostalgia but I seem unable to really shake it.
that's the code word for I don't want to..........
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I am certain there are lots of underlying psychological issues I am dealing with here. I know seeing a therapist would be ideal but I cannot afford it.
Find a cheap or free support group where you live or on line. Google: gay support groups near me
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Either my circumstances need to change or my attitude does.
Change your attitude! Read THE POWER OF NOW by Eckhart Tolle or anything that teaches you to focus on and stay here and now. Your life is happening now. Right here and now and not in the past or in the future. By focussing on here and now, your problems, fears, wirries, disappointments and "issues" can and will fade (for a while) and you will find yourself in a comfortable, happy state of PRESENCE where the ego's issues either vanish or become much smaller. This may be temparary but you can return to the NOW anytime you like - especially when you are 'down'.
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Can anybody relate?
I am 79 and have lived much of my life in unhappiness, anger, sorrow, humiliation, depression, FEAR and many other unexamined negative states BUT with the help or support groups and the knowledge of THE NOW, I am able to pull myself right out of depression (like today) and get back into carefree, happy ALIVENESS. My life is happening right now and it's OK! If I go back to a lousy past or think about a very limited future, I can become quite depressed or frightened. If I FOCUS ON the Now, I am very happy and OK in this very moment and the past/future seems rather meaningless to me. I am a widower so my late wife is no longer here to cheer me up and pull me through my dark periods but she was a strong supporter of THE NOW focus or orientation and so am I - now.
As you read this, ask your self, "Am I OK - RIGHT NOW?" The only place or time you can ever be OK is right now!
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)....still back there taking up space but we can't quite get rid of them because they hold some memories. When we happen to uncover them again there's that twinge of "how could I have ever bought/worn that ugly thing!". Doesn't mean you are doomed to wear them again. Silly analogy I know, but what impresses me is the change in tone during this thread.
The now
