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Long story short, I was bullied in high school and also grew up extremely religious to the point that my parents "sheltered" me and that included being forbidden to develop friendships with people in my peer group that my parents didn't approve of. Since the church we went to was very small and was mostly old people, I was never able to develop normal social skills. In addition, my sense of humor was never really allowed to develop as I would always get in big trouble whenever I wasn't acting serious while growing up as my dad is an angry, uptight person. As a result, I am now 32 years old and am probably a good 5-7 years behind my age socially. Most of my friends tend to be people either in their early/mid twenties or older people. I have trouble socializing with people my age.
One thing I need to say is I have improved in this area significantly since I moved out of my parents' place. I used to not be able to attend a party, go to a bar/nightclub, or do anything social without embarrassing myself. Looking back at some of the things that happened around the time I was 22-24, I cringe.
Today, I can at least hold my own, but that doesn't make it easy and I still have so many gaffes. I also have a strong inferiority complex and feel that I just don't measure up and never will.
Yes I can relate I was homeschooled in high school and once I became an adult I realized I had missed out socially a lot, so It was hard for me to make connections with other people.
I neglected social activities in my early twenties because I just felt I could not fit in with anybody. I didn't have a car, I didn't have my own place nor did I go to college right away, so I felt like I was lacking. If I knew then what I know now I would have tried harder because a lot of people around that age didn't have those things either but I felt very outcast about it then.
Now as I as I am getting older and becoming more comfortable with myself, I am finding it a little bit easier to try to make connections with people. Once you start to realize that people really aren't as judgmental as you may feel in your head that they are, you can start to be yourself more and engage with people more easily.
I find that putting myself in social situations and actually engaging with people has really helped me become more sociable.
There is an existing thread for this but...therapy and medications can help. I know because I have been there.
Have your family MD refer to psychiatrist or psychologist for eval.
And you could start by doing what a behavioral therapist might recommend anyway--exposure therapy. Put yourself in a situation that makes you anxious, like being around people, and sit with it. Repeat that until it gets easier. If you don't think that you can do something like that on your own, then by all means see a professional.
And you could start by doing what a behavioral therapist might recommend anyway--exposure therapy. Put yourself in a situation that makes you anxious, like being around people, and sit with it. Repeat that until it gets easier. If you don't think that you can do something like that on your own, then by all means see a professional.
This is basically what I have done, which is why I have made immense progress since my early twenties. I've fallen on my face time and time again but each moment of cringe results in a lesson learned. I am still not where I should be though. I can make friends but I don't think a romantic relationship would even be possible for me at the moment.
SucceedSocially.com is an extensive, completely free collection of articles on social skills and getting past social awkwardness. It's written by someone who's struggled socially himself, and who has degrees in psychology and counseling. The content is aimed at adults and older teenagers,
I was the same way. Then I saw this https://www.eckharttollenow.com/new-...ortcode=wztm4j and it was literally life changing. Not sure if it'll resonate with you, but basically if you can stop comparing yourself with others or stop thoughts about yourself, your shyness will go away.
The change for me was dramatic - I went from being shy for ~35 years and now love social settings, small talk meeting new people and am such a better conversationalist because I'm not thinking about myself, but am totally focused on who I'm speaking with. I still have some gaffes (who doesn't) but they are far fewer since I feel more comfortable, get much more practice and enjoy being social now.
It may take time but basically don't be so hard on yourself and try to stop thoughts about yourself. Everyone has flaws and a lot of people feel shy exactly as you do.
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