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You were not trapped. You say, "I'm going to call the police if you don't give me my keys back." Then do it, if necessary (it won't be). And WTH were you doing in a car dealership when you KNOW you couldn't financially afford to buy a new car. Seriously, you did this to yourself.
I'm not trying to be cruel, but I feel like most of your decisions were screwing only yourself, and not really helping anybody, including your parents. BTW - they are grown ups who are responsibility for their lives. You have no responsibility for them. They are not your children.
I disagree.
1. Get a second job and pay it off more quickly.
2. Sell it on craigslist (you'll get more than from a dealer), use that money to get a beater and pay down the loan as much as possible, get a personal loan from a credit union (assuming your credit is still good and you have a job) to pay off the rest. Get a second job to pay off the personal loan.
3. After #1 or #2 - Stop feeling sorry for yourself, maybe get some therapy which may involve anti-depressant, and DO SOMETHING about your life.
This sounds cruel of me, I know, but they sound like Fascist loons. Unless you are into self-destruction, cut them out of your life. (self-destruction is what I suspect is going on, hence #3 above) As I said, they ARE adults. What they decide to do is totally their decision (and I say that with a mother who committed suicide.)
All of this ^^^ OP, especially the bold.
You should be working to earn money every hour that you are not asleep.
Your parents sound psycho. Seriously. They are mentally ill, and you cannot allow them to influence you anymore.
As bad as your situation FEELS to you, it is not hopeless and only a couple of changes would change it completely. But you have to COMMIT to the changes.
1) Are you getting therapy?
2) What industry to you work in?
3) What would you do TOMORROW if you did not have this car payment supposedly crippling your life?
And...WHY did the dealer have your keys? I just thought about that.
My husband and I just bought a vehicle, and the only time the dealer got OUR keys was AFTER we purchased our new vehicle, and used the old vehicle as a trade-in.
You should be working to earn money every hour that you are not asleep.
Your parents sound psycho. Seriously. They are mentally ill, and you cannot allow them to influence you anymore.
As bad as your situation FEELS to you, it is not hopeless and only a couple of changes would change it completely. But you have to COMMIT to the changes.
1) Are you getting therapy?
2) What industry to you work in?
3) What would you do TOMORROW if you did not have this car payment supposedly crippling your life?
I know I did this to myself. That is what I am struggling to accept but I must. Seven years ago, in 2010, my life was on an upswing and I was actually happy. I woke up looking forward to the day and what it would bring. Today that seems like a distant memory, and its all because of self-sabotaging decisions that could have easily been avoided. One after the other, like a domino effect, I destroyed my life. I went back into the closet to appease my parents, I moved back home to Oklahoma, and then I bought a car I couldn't afford that has me trapped here.
My parents are who they are and they aren't changing.
1) Therapy; it's expensive and I cannot afford it
2) IT/tech support
3) I would work at my current job for one more year to save a nice sum of money, quit, and then move somewhere else. I've narrowed it down to a few cities.
Last time I tried in 2015 I couldn't refinance it. I already have a low, 3% APR. I might give it another shot with the state credit union.
In terms of my parents today, it's been a rough five years. Though I am in better fellowship with them than when I was openly gay, they still don't trust me and am worried about me going "back into the lifestyle" and question almost everything I do. It puts a tremendous burden on me to have to present an image like I am still "cured". After all, that's what they think since I did ex-gay therapy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy
And...WHY did the dealer have your keys? I just thought about that.
My husband and I just bought a vehicle, and the only time the dealer got OUR keys was AFTER we purchased our new vehicle, and used the old vehicle as a trade-in.
The dealership had my keys to do the appraisal of the previous car that I traded in for it. That was a huge lesson learned and I've told that to numerous other people. Never let them take you back into the back room before they give you back the keys to the old vehicle. Also, do not let them move your belongings from your old car to your new car before you sign the dotted line. That's what they did to me. While it technically isn't a big deal, its a psychological tactic to make you think you are more committed than you actually are before the deal is finalized.
I think the issue is more about standing up for yourself and not letting anyone - parents, car salesmen, etc. bully you into doing things you don't really want to do.
And you can find income based mental health resources. You should do so.
And...WHY did the dealer have your keys? I just thought about that.
My husband and I just bought a vehicle, and the only time the dealer got OUR keys was AFTER we purchased our new vehicle, and used the old vehicle as a trade-in.
A salesman tried to hold my mom's keys hostage also. He took them so that he could appraise the car she planned to trade in. He tried to pressure her to buy something but I knew she wasn't ready, so I just snatched the keys from him and ushered her out of the dealership. I guess if I hadn't been there, she would've been "bullied" into buying a car. lol
A salesman tried to hold my mom's keys hostage also. He took them so that he could appraise the car she planned to trade in. He tried to pressure her to buy something but I knew she wasn't ready, so I just snatched the keys from him and ushered her out of the dealership. I guess if I hadn't been there, she would've been "bullied" into buying a car. lol
Sounds right. This is exactly what happened to me. People who cave easy to demands of others, like myself for instance, are easily manipulated that way. They know the tactic works which is why they do it.
Sounds right. This is exactly what happened to me. People who cave easy to demands of others, like myself for instance, are easily manipulated that way. They know the tactic works which is why they do it.
I'm sorry that happened to you. My mom can generally stand up for herself, but she often makes impulse decisions without thinking things through clearly, so that's where I step in. He probably could've talked her into buying had I not been there to knock some sense into her. She was a bit embarrassed at the time about how I dragged her out of the dealership but we laughed about it later on.
The crux of your problem is that you're gay and trying to live like you aren't. The most direct route to getting your life back is to accept that you're gay and then move somewhere where you can be the person God made you to be. I agree with the other suggestions to work whatever jobs you can to pay off your car and save money for your move. Plus it will mean less time spent around your parents.
You do need therapy, but not conversion therapy. You need some help coming to terms with who you are and someone who can help you find ways to not feel responsible for your parents' happiness.
The crux of your problem is that you're gay and trying to live like you aren't. The most direct route to getting your life back is to accept that you're gay and then move somewhere where you can be the person God made you to be.
I agree with this.
But I am not clear on what the OP actually believes about himself, whether HE has accepted who he is. If he understands and acknowledges that he is gay.
Being surrounded by an accepting community is key.
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