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You don't seem to be a naturally empathetic person. You're quite detatched in a lot of your feelings towards people so it'd seem like death doesn't bother you. Maybe you built up too many walls or it's just how you're made.
The last few years we've had so much death in our family that my head is spinning.
The feelings have ranged from relief to deep sadness. The part that's hard to get over is just how permeant death it. I mean I know that's a no crap comment but you just don't understand it til someone is gone. I mean just gone....never coming back again. That's the hardest part for me, acceptance of the permanence.
I sometimes think my mom is still in her little apartment across town from me. I sometimes think my dad is still sitting in his patio having an afternoon beer in the warm summer AZ air.
I have lost nine significant people in my life over the last nineteen months. Four were relatives, some were classmates, and one was my best friend. The last loss, a relative, was two weeks ago today.
All are missed, some far more than others. Some were ready to go, others fought with all that was in them, and a few left peacefully and unexpectedly.
It takes an enormous emotional toll, and it's cumulative. Friction within the family (not involving me, thankfully, but close to me) makes it far, far worse than the loss itself.
I hope and pray that the next year and a half do not include such heavy losses, but know that at least one is likely to occur during that time - probably two. I am still working on how to cope with such a heavy load of loss, and how to support those whose grief for each individual is more profound than my own, while staggering under repeated blows.
it's very different when death takes those you love and care about, though that love is the one thing which transcends death and goes with us when we leave this world for the next.
My mother died when I was eight after a long battle with cancer. It scarred me for life.. My best friend died when I was 16 and I was clinically depressed for years later.. since those two deaths though, very few have seriously impacted me. I think those major losses so early in life have taught me that loss is to be expected.
I know it's kind of odd, but I have never gotten emotional over death. I guess it's because I realize that everyone dies anyway, that it is inevitable, so what is the point of crying about it? The dead person isn't sad. He is just dead, so why should I have any feelings about the fact that his period on Earth is over? As shown in the Lion King, death is just part of the circle of life.
For me, it depends on the situation. I didn't take the deaths of my grandparents too hard because I know that old people have to die. I have one grandparent left who's in the process of dying, and I think I'll be ok when the time comes. Luckily, I've never lost anyone really close to me but I'm sure that'll be hard. Hearing about anyone's pet dying makes me really sad. I had a coworker die unexpectedly and while I felt bad, I can't say that I was really hurt by it like some others were. I sometimes get sad when celebrities die depending on the circumstances. When I hear about people being murdered or dying in tragic ways, I probably feel more disturbed than sad.
I can't believe I'm actually having to explain grief as an emotion, but feeLing sad when someone dies isn't about feeling badly for the deceased.
It's about any number of emotions this brings up in the survivors.
-missing the person and one's relationship with the person
-sorrow for a future that won't unfold as envisioned
-empathy for other survivors and THEIR grief and suffering
-regret for things that went unresolved or unsaid
-shock if the death was sudden and unanticipated
-anger if the death was preventable
-relief, and possibly, in turn, guilt for feeling relief
I know it's kind of odd, but I have never gotten emotional over death.<>
I was pretty much matter of fact about each of my parents as they died since they had lived a full life.
Lots of tangled feelings when my son killed himself, not so much about him dying as wondering why his mother, my ex-wife, hadn't been able to help him. I wondered if I had been around him at the time would I have been interested in helping him, since he had rejected me after the divorce. Shortly after his death my business went belly up and I had to deal with that more than him.
Sunday school class puzzles over the life after often. They are a bunch of 60+ age people. I usually say, "It won't be like any of us have imagined today, it will be a big surprise."
"In the long run we're all dead, John Maynard Keynes" 1923
This really means do not worry about the far future, work with what you have to deal with today.
So,
"What is dead may never die"
"But rises again harder and stronger" Iron Islands saying, GOT
Last edited by Crashj007; 08-06-2017 at 09:59 PM..
Reason: ATTRIBUTE QUOTE
I can't believe I'm actually having to explain grief as an emotion, but feeLing sad when someone dies isn't about feeling badly for the deceased.
It's about any number of emotions this brings up in the survivors.
-missing the person and one's relationship with the person
-sorrow for a future that won't unfold as envisioned
-empathy for other survivors and THEIR grief and suffering
-regret for things that went unresolved or unsaid
-shock if the death was sudden and unanticipated
-anger if the death was preventable
-relief, and possibly, in turn, guilt for feeling relief
Etc
Any combination of an array of things.
I strongly feel bad for the deceased who did not get to live a long full life.
Last edited by matisse12; 08-06-2017 at 10:36 PM..
Some are very rational... that is how they are wired.
Others are emotional over the top and have to be carried because they have lost all control
Most are somewhere in the middle... we do see delayed reactions too... things that have to be done... kids that need to be cared for... it's called having the time to grieve...
I'm around a lot of older people and many of my friends are dying off...
Sometimes the grief will hit you months later when you think of them and then remember you will never have another moment with them.
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