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i have a Narcissistic Sociopath living with me at the moment .. For the first 5 years i`ve known her i have suffered immeasurably ,, only recently have i determined her condition and am making a firm stand to rid my life of her .. it only requires meeting 3 of 11 traits in some tests to be considered a Sociopath ..She meets 10 of the 11 .... i am a soft hearted person who is easily taken in by a sob story and finally knowing nothing i do or will ever do can change this person has given me the strength to give her up ..
I treat people the way I would want to be treated. I'm always nice and respectful. Even if I don't like you, I'm still courteous. I'll say Good Morning, excuse me, please and thank you but nothing in between. For me, I find that kindness goes a long way. Some people see it as a sign of weakness and will try to use you, but I've learned to weed those people out. And some use kindness to take advantage.
I have a coworker I don't like. She's just a mean, nasty, manipulative person. You can tell she's unhappy in her personal life. We didn't hit it off when I first got there, so I just kept it to good Morning with her, whereas she wouldn't even utter that to me. No small talk or anything like that with her.
Next thing you know, she's telling me GM, giving me tips on the grocery all kinds of stuff. I'm wondering why is she talking to me? Come to find out we've both been assigned to this project where she would need my help. So I guess she felt that in order to get my help she had to start being nice to me.
One thing about me, like you or not, if we're on the same team I will help you, because I want the team to succeed. Don't feel that you need to be nice to me as a manipulation tactic in order for me to help you. I would have helped her anyway. She didn't need the hidden agenda. I have worked successfully with plenty of people I didn't like. Afterwards, either we formed a professional friendship or went back to ignoring each other.
Cant stand this woman. I really don't like her after this. I'll be glad when this project is over so we can go back to not talking to each other.
When I was younger, I was very nice to every one. Soon the difficult ones learned that they could take advantage of me and become even more difficult and irritating to me. As I got closer to retirement, my attitude changed and I just ignored the difficult ones until I could find leverage one them. When they discovered they needed to be nice to me to get what they wanted, everything changed and life became much easier for me.
Sometimes it takes a life time of dealing with people to learn the tricks to making things run smoothly.
Articles written by younger people should be taken with a little salt and not necessarily assume that the writer actually knows anything.
^^^ Yep. Some people just need to be put in their place sometimes, and trying the "turn the other cheek" routine simply shows weakness on your part. If I feel confronted by someone, or if someone is rude to me, the little devil on my left shoulder takes over and I let them know what they are doing isn't going to fly. I refuse to be anyone's whipping boy, and it feels great to stand up for yourself, especially if you look them square in the eyes and say "Uh, no, that is not going to happen !"
Try it, you will feel so much better than letting them walk all over you.
Need to define "difficult." I've run into quite a few "difficult" people in my life and the last thing anyone with any intelligence wanted to do is treat them with kindness. If the writer lives long enough and gets out of his love bubble, he will come to learn that not everyone deserves love and kindness.
But that is his problem; certainly not mine.
Need to define "difficult." I've run into quite a few "difficult" people in my life and the last thing anyone with any intelligence wanted to do is treat them with kindness. If the writer lives long enough and gets out of his love bubble, he will come to learn that not everyone deserves love and kindness.
But that is his problem; certainly not mine.
I work retail, so I deal with people of different temperaments all day long. Over the years, I have learned to ignore the majority of it, and can generally turn someone's bad day into a better day by helping them solve some problem they are having. HOWEVER, every so often you get that ONE person who is Hellbent on treating you like their servant and talking down to you, or coming right out and attacking you. That is where I draw the line.
At first, I might just say something mild to get them to realize I am not their enemy, like "You do realize I am trying to help you here, don't you ?" I accompany that with a pause while looking right into their eyes. That generally works, as they realize they don't have some kid here who will tremble at their feet.
That has generally fixed the problem, and I have rarely had to escalate the conversation beyond that, however, I did one time stare right into a guy's face and told him he was ok when he came in sober, but when he was drunk, like he is now, he was totally unreasonable. That was a rare exception though.
I have come in contact with a few difficult "souls" here on C-D and I try to keep my civility with them and continue to post and believe in what I'm posting in spite of them as I know if I had a weaker backbone, I could have been gone from here. As it is I've noticed some who believe as I do, seem to be gone or just not posting. Some are so mean spirited.
Need to define "difficult." I've run into quite a few "difficult" people in my life and the last thing anyone with any intelligence wanted to do is treat them with kindness. If the writer lives long enough and gets out of his love bubble, he will come to learn that not everyone deserves love and kindness.
But that is his problem; certainly not mine.
I always get stuck here - who deserves love and kindness and who doesn't?
When I was younger I thought I could judge that. But as the years have gone on it hardly seems fair to appoint myself judge of everyone I meet. I don't know what their current circumstances are or what stresses they are acting under.
That doesn't excuse their bad behavior. I, too, can't stand rudeness. I, too, don't want to be around rude or manipulative people.
But it's not my job to figure out who deserves courtesy. I just leave that to natural consequences. People reap what they sow eventually. And so do I.
If I want to be a courteous individual then that's what I be. Otherwise aren't I a hypocrite? It has nothing to do with them and everything to do with me and my development as a decent person.
No one else's behavior is going to determine my choices for myself or I don't have self-determination.
i have a Narcissistic Sociopath living with me at the moment .. For the first 5 years i`ve known her i have suffered immeasurably ,, only recently have i determined her condition and am making a firm stand to rid my life of her .. it only requires meeting 3 of 11 traits in some tests to be considered a Sociopath ..She meets 10 of the 11 .... i am a soft hearted person who is easily taken in by a sob story and finally knowing nothing i do or will ever do can change this person has given me the strength to give her up ..
Treating people with loving kindness will only get you mowed down by some people; not only people with personality disorders, but outright con artists may zero in on you.
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I refuse to be anyone's whipping boy, and it feels great to stand up for yourself, especially if you look them square in the eyes and say "Uh, no, that is not going to happen !"
