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Have you experienced a person close to you who refuses to ever say 'I'm sorry' or refuses to apologize? Or rarely does so?
It's an interesting psychological phenomena, but can also be quite harmful to a relationship. Part of the refusal is because the person does not ever want to admit that he or she was wrong.
And also the person feels that he/she would lose power in the relationship by apologizing. And lose the upper hand for those who value almost always having the upper hand position.
There can also be narcissism involved in not apologizing for some people.
(I wasn't sure whether this topic would be best in Non-Romantic Relationships Forum or in this Forum, since refusing to say 'I'm sorry' can happen in both.)
Last edited by matisse12; 08-08-2017 at 10:03 AM..
Have you experienced a person close to you who refuses to ever say 'I'm sorry' or refuses to apologize? Or rarely does so?
It's an interesting psychological phenomena, but can also be quite harmful to a relationship. Part of the refusal is because the person does not ever want to admit that he or she was wrong.
And also the person feels that he/she would lose power in the relationship by apologizing. And lose the upper hand for those who value almost always having the upper hand position.
There can also be narcissism involved in not apologizing for some people.
(I wasn't sure whether this topic would be best in Non-Romantic Relationships Forum or in this Forum, since refusing to say 'I'm sorry' can happen in both.)
Nice Matisse, you have described it perfectly. My mother and sister are like this, they will never admit they were wrong and will only apologize for things that don't matter. I think it is rooted in keeping their upper hand. Plus they probably know they wouldn't win many knowledge-based arguments. Just being the two matriarchs of the family is enough, they enjoy that power without accountability.
And sometimes they wonder why I don't call and visit more.
I think I am guilty of apologizing too much. For some reason, I feel it launches the conversation. In my past relationship with the ex, I would apologize for my part in an argument, just hoping that he would step up an admit some wrong as well. My aunt pointed out one day, that I didnt need to apologize all the time, that I said it too much .... Habit: "I'm sorry, but I feel that is too expensive..."Sorry, I meant to put ice in your glass"...and on and on. She was right...I was being way too apologetic for stuff that really doesn't matter. To be honest, I notice this now with alot of women my age (60's). Wonder what that's about!
I think I am guilty of apologizing too much. For some reason, I feel it launches the conversation. In my past relationship with the ex, I would apologize for my part in an argument, just hoping that he would step up an admit some wrong as well. My aunt pointed out one day, that I didnt need to apologize all the time, that I said it too much .... Habit: "I'm sorry, but I feel that is too expensive..."Sorry, I meant to put ice in your glass"...and on and on. She was right...I was being way too apologetic for stuff that really doesn't matter. To be honest, I notice this now with alot of women my age (60's). Wonder what that's about!
I would say in women in their 60's who apologize for things that do not matterin the examples you give, it has to do with being acquiescent, subservient, obliging, compliant, and taking an inferior position.
Last edited by matisse12; 08-08-2017 at 11:27 AM..
Have you experienced a person close to you who refuses to ever say 'I'm sorry' or refuses to apologize? Or rarely does so?
It's an interesting psychological phenomena, but can also be quite harmful to a relationship. Part of the refusal is because the person does not ever want to admit that he or she was wrong.
And also the person feels that he/she would lose power in the relationship by apologizing. And lose the upper hand for those who value almost always having the upper hand position.
There can also be narcissism involved in not apologizing for some people.
(I wasn't sure whether this topic would be best in Non-Romantic Relationships Forum or in this Forum, since refusing to say 'I'm sorry' can happen in both.)
That is pretty sucky.
Another corner of this bad behavior matrix is the person who expects me to apologize for every little thing they don't like about me. Even things I cannot help (e.g. genetic characteristics, my family, the circumstances of my upbringing, my parents' planning / ability give or not give an eventual inheritance, etc).
Another corner of this bad behavior matrix is the person who expects me to apologize for every little thing they don't like about me. Even things I cannot help (e.g. genetic characteristics, my family, the circumstances of my upbringing, my parents' planning / ability give or not give an eventual inheritance, etc).
I know you have an unhappy marriage, as you've mentioned it previously You're describing above a dynamic that is taking place in your unhappy marriage. (I don't think I have you mixed up with someone else) I'm curious about what genetic characteristics you are referring to.
Last edited by matisse12; 08-08-2017 at 11:49 AM..
I know (dated) a few people, but they never do this as a harmful or purpofully to exploit people or cover their own lack of emotional maturity.
They are more of "what happened happened" types. the future and what came next was far more important to them than whatever just happened in the past.
Unless something was purposefully done with the intent to harm or cause conflict, they see no reason to apologize for the machinations of every single thing that may cause another some disruption.
That's just life flowing from one moment to the next.
Location: In the cold, dark wasteland of eternity...
926 posts, read 673,631 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut
Fortunately, in past relationships, I have not.
I Know, too many people (outside of a relationship) who have an extremely hard time apologizing.
One thing I absolutely hate.... is to be wrong, Lol, but Ill be the first to admit it.
Yeah, I'm also one of those people that don't like being wrong about something lol...but, I'm totally at ease with admitting it to someone if I was, indeed, in the wrong.
I know you have an unhappy marriage, as you've mentioned it previously You're describing above a dynamic that is taking place in your unhappy marriage. (I don't think I have you mixed up with someone else) I'm curious about what genetic characteristics you are referring to.
Neurological characteristics. For example, not the best eye hand coordination in certain specific cases. For example, I cannot maintain eye contact with someone while I am handling food. I can either be neat about handling food / eating, with minimal eye contact (because me eyes are on my hands / utensils / plate / bowl / etc), or, I can do eye contact and either stop the food / eating process (or if not, spill bits of food onto the table).
Now, ask me to hit a baseball, or do home repairs, or dribble a soccer ball (eye foot coordination in that case) ... no problema.
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