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I get told at least once a day that I look mad or need to smile. It's usually an older woman but I've had younger women tell me the same and even a few guys. I could be just waiting in line at the grocery store or thinking about something. I don't get what a complete stranger who's never met nor seen since then cares what my face looks like. Are we all supposed to be going around with a permanent smile on our faces like we're fairies and singing kumbaya all the time? Then they think something is wrong and they even take it personally. It's funny because the people who tell me to smile usually aren't smiling themselves.
Does anyone go through this?
Yes, women are, anyway. Women used to be told all the time, especially by family members, but sometimes by acquaintances, to smile, because "it makes you more attractive". So women were expected to do their best to look attractive all the time. Because that's women's role, or something. I'd hoped that that belief/expectation/demand (whatever you want to call it) was dying out, but I guess not.
i say it to people sometimes, and they either laugh, smile or both. and then they start talking.
No, it's not a conversation starter. How does barking at someone to smile start a conversation? It's patronizing. It's what teen and 20-something women's mothers used to tell them, and what men say to women, who believe that women exist to look attractive for them. Since when is it normal for strangers to tell others what to do? That's really inappropriate.
Location: In my cat's house, until she finds a better human servant
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Dr at an urgent care once walked in, looked at me, and said if I didn't smile he wouldn't examine me. I wish I were kidding. I was in pain, couldn't keep food down and could barely stand. So, no, I wasn't feeling like giving him a smile. If I hadn't been in such urgent need of care, just spent a small fortune on a cab to get there, plus cost of visit, I would have walked out. Didn't even get an accurate diagnosis. Wound up having surgery a little later when someone finally ordered the tests I needed. I lost 20 lbs in about 3 weeks, by the time I got to the pre-op appointment they looked at me and sent me to the ER for immediate admission. Probably the worst experience I've had with our medical system. I can counter it with some excellent care other times. But this was bad.
This used to happen to me all the time when I was younger, especially as a girl. I got so tired of it. Now, I think I "carry" myself in a way that says be cautious in your approach!
I often wondered why someone would approach a stranger with a less than pleasant expression to belittle them, which is what that "smile" thing is really about. In today's society, you'd best keep your distance. You don't really know what is going on with people, they could be on drugs, mentally deranged, carrying a gun, knife, etc.
That "smile" thing was popular way back. I though it had died out. It seems to be reappearing, at least in some places. Everyone isn't obligated to go around grinning like an idiot to please some stranger
I kinda want this to happen to me so I can demand that instead the person scowl or frown for me. If they don't entertain my request, I'll ask, "Why would I smile for you if you won't frown for me?" Or ask them to roll over or heel or something like that.
Yes, women are, anyway. Women used to be told all the time, especially by family members, but sometimes by acquaintances, to smile, because "it makes you more attractive". So women were expected to do their best to look attractive all the time. Because that's women's role, or something. I'd hoped that that belief/expectation/demand (whatever you want to call it) was dying out, but I guess not.
Yes. And it's inappropriate...but.
I was surprised to learn that my "serious" or "stressed" or "grim" demeanor had real effects on other people, effects I want aware of. The fact that from my point of view I was simply preoccupied didn't make me any less "scary", and it did affect whether others were willing to approach me.
So I fixed it. I need people to tell me things or my job suffers. Some of them don't know me.
What gets me is this only happens to women and children. Nobody tells men to "smile more."
There is one time when I think it is perfectly alright to ask someone to smile, and that is if you are a wedding photographer and you are taking a group shot. The bridal couple wants to feel that everyone is happy about their getting married and would like a shot that shows a smiling group of family and friends.
Other than that, I can usually get someone to smile without actually asking them to do so.
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