how do you deal with negative thoughts in your head? (issues, people)
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I've been criticized a lot by people (my appearance, clothing, personality, you name it) and I've reached a point where I do not care anymore. I've realized that I have to go on with my life, even if these other people hate me. And they need to move on, too.
And some people will keep trying to be friends with those who can't stand being around them. I find that sad. I don't want to be like that. Even being alone is better.
Right now, I'm in the middle of a big ol' anxiety spiral, so I'd have to say I don't deal with negative thoughts. They just kind of are there and I tough it out. My therapist thinks this is ok, since I generally am fine and only have limited bouts with severe anxiety - usually lasts 24 hours. But right now I'm in a big one that is likely to continue for another week or so, until I get clarity on the things freaking me out.
Generally I try to reason them away, but things are a little too intense right now. Pema Chodron stresses the importance of being gentle with oneself, and I also try to do that.
These thoughts seem to come late at night when I'm trying to get to sleep. It's like an episode of "This is Your Life" (remember that old TV show?) I relive every mistake I've ever made and every wrong thing I've done. I also construct elaborate "what-ifs."
The only thing that helps is to say to myself "Shut up!" or "Stop that!" I remind myself that these thoughts are not only pointless and useless, but are also harmful to my mental health. So I force myself to think of something more pleasant.
I encourage everyone to read Dale Carnegie's "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living." It is an excellent read and has encouraged me to make a conscious effort to look on the bright side of life as much as I possibly can. Of course, as OP said, this is easier said than done. One of Carnegie's rules is to not worry about trivial things that you cannot resolve or control. If someone flips you off in traffic for no reason, continue to stay in a positive frame of mind - it's not something you could have controlled. Same goes for small inconveniences throughout the day.
I highly believe we are what we think. If we allow negative thoughts to encompass our minds on a daily basis and prevent us from living a successful life to its full capacity, we are not truly living. Negative thoughts have also been linked to being detrimental to our health. Worrying and allowing negative thoughts to consume us has led to suppression of the immune system
and digestive disorders.
Not allowing negative thoughts to come to fruition takes a lot of effort on our parts, but I feel it is a skill we all should inherit and try to make use of daily. I have become so mindful of not allowing negative thoughts to stay around too long in my mind. I just shrug them off and keep living the life I am meant to live to its fullest. I also find that exercising or doing something physical gets my mind off negative thoughts.
It seems our gremlins come out at the same time every day - such as when we are getting into the shower. Knowing when they are going to strike helps to fight against them. The book is full of lessons like this.
When I have a negative thought - often frustration with a person, I'll either think about how I can communicate more effectively with them or focus on my sense perceptions which immediately takes my mind from the thought to the present moment.
My negative thoughts have reduce dramatically after studying numerous self-help/spiritual leaders - a couple of which surprisingly helped dramatically.
The worst is to wake at 3 a.m. then begin to review my (seemingly endless list of ...) 'problems'. After a few minutes of this I grab a computer, hit the web, and read something. I lose a lot of sleep this way.
You could try listening to a Headspace or Tara Brach podcast. Both are meditative and both have voices and lessons that help put me at ease and to sleep
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla
I've been criticized a lot by people (my appearance, clothing, personality, you name it) and I've reached a point where I do not care anymore. I've realized that I have to go on with my life, even if these other people hate me. And they need to move on, too.
And some people will keep trying to be friends with those who can't stand being around them. I find that sad. I don't want to be like that. Even being alone is better.
The people criticizing you seem quite shallow and my guess is it's not because they hate you, but because they have insecurities of their own.
One thing that helps me quite a bit is I no longer compare myself with others. I am who I am, people are who they are. I may be more blessed with certain things and others will be more blessed with other things. But being fortunate / blessed shouldn't lead to a feeling of superiority. I try to look for what the person stands for, why they are unique, how happy they are, what they love, etc.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or CBT is really helpful. It kind of depends on what is going through your head. If it's something that's negative, but isn't true - like nobody loves me, I never succeed at anything - what you do is "fact check." Oh really? I never succeed at anything? So how come I have a degree? Guess, my mind forgot the facts. I have no friends? Why are there three texts this week from different people on my phone?
One of the things my mind will do, is create an argument in my head in a scenario that has not happened. For instance, I'll be walking my dog and she'll be going to the bathroom on some grass and I'll be getting out the poop bag, and I'll imagine some stranger starting to yell at me to be sure and pick up the poop. Then, I'll start imagining the different things I could say to that person in response. I'll sometimes start to get worked up in my head, as if I'm actually having an argument. Then, I have to say, "Whoa, why fight a battle that isn't there?"
Same thing can happen when I'm starting to fall asleep. If there are things going on in my life where there could be a conflict, I'll imagine different scenarios and different arguments that "might" happen. I catch myself and have to again say, "Whoa now, stop fighting battles that aren't there."
You just need to figure out ways to check yourself. And then don't start beating yourself up because it keeps happening LOL.
As someone else mentioned, another technique is to just say, "Wow, that was a weird thought - but it was just a thought."
The worst is to wake at 3 a.m. then begin to review my (seemingly endless list of ...) 'problems'. After a few minutes of this I grab a computer, hit the web, and read something. I lose a lot of sleep this way.
I recall an old business executive/friend telling me he'd go to the living room and turn on the weather channel for an hour or two 'til he fell asleep again.
Reading and the whatever channel have worked for me. I wake up on the couch with a sore neck.
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