In what way are men threatened by a woman's sexuality? (anxiety, dating)
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My husband recently had a rather unpleasant conversation with one of our acquaintances, who is the sister of a mutual friend.
I don't know all the details but basically my husband said something about her being promiscuous and she replied by saying something about him being intimidated or threatened and intimidated by a woman's sexuality.
What I don't understand is, why would anyone think that? In what way or in what circumstances would that happen? I can't see what would be threatening or intimidating about a woman's sexuality to any man. It makes no sense.
What I'd like to know is, if anyone has ever given it any thought, what specifically would someone be referring to when they say that?
My husband recently had a rather unpleasant conversation with one of our acquaintances, who is the sister of a mutual friend.
I don't know all the details but basically my husband said something about her being promiscuous and she replied by saying something about him being intimidated or threatened by a woman's sexuality.
What I don't understand is, why would anyone think that? In what way or in what circumstances would that happen? I can't see what would be threatening about a woman's sexuality to any man. It makes no sense.
What I'd like to know is, if anyone has ever given it any thought, what specifically would someone be referring to when they say that?
Being annoyed by the gall of your husband commenting on her lifestyle, perhaps?
Anyway, you see # of partners for women threads on relationship groups all the time. The idea that a woman just liking sex, vs giving it to her man in exchange for love and provision and the hopes of pregnancy, is very threatening to some men. As if ... he might actually have to perform in the bedroom (and the kitchen, living room and golf course) or she might not remain interested in him.
Last edited by somebodynew; 09-05-2017 at 01:34 PM..
The simple truth is that not all men are equally good in bed and they know it. Nor is there much they can do about it. Its a combination of genetics, hormones and some other things like overall health. There is always that pressure for men to perform and to be able to last, whereas women can use some lube and they're good to go
Part of the insecurity for men comes from the fact that they are completely oblivious how they fare against other men. And no wonder. How would they know that?
From this follows that the wider is woman's frame of reference (i.e. the more sexual partners a woman had), the more intimidating that woman can seem to a guy. Like, what if I totally suck comparing to those other men she had?
Some men want women to feel shame for liking sex for its own sake. Some of them are the same who figure a woman should like him for being a "nice guy" or "good man" or willing to protect and provide. Some guys seem to act like once they have secured a relationship with a woman they find attractive, after that it shouldn't matter how they treat them, the woman is their own property, bought and paid for. That he has somehow earned her sexual fidelity by being willing to do more than hit and run. The notion that a woman might not cooperate with this plan, is upsetting.
Would your husband say whatever he said about this woman being promiscuous, to a man who was sleeping around?
Because if not, and I imagine this woman assumed he would not, then it comes off as being threatened that a woman might just pursue sex for its own sake is a danger to the understood social order of things.
From my own perspective, growing up through my teen years and adulthood, I struggled a great deal with what seemed to be a conflict in what boys wanted from me as a girl. Like...boys/men, want girls/women, to be sexual, but also want to punish us for it.
And my ex seemed to have no issue with me having had prior partners, to the point he would interrogate me about them and want to know every detail of my history...but the notion of me wanting any other man after I'd had him (after we divorced) was repellent to him and made me deserving of shame and scorn. He makes up stories about running into people "everywhere he goes" who have supposedly seen me naked. And he tells our sons these things, and does not seem to understand that this is making his sons want nothing to do with him. He likes to take these tones of "isn't it shocking and disgusting" and talk about my sexuality with others.
But see, this is all projection on his part. He is full of self-loathing over his own kinks and interests, which he keeps secret from almost everyone (but for some reason has told me)...he criticizes my sexuality because he is ashamed of his own. And his projections and disgust roll right off of me, because I don't give a damn what he thinks, so he just stews in his own poison.
I think that some men get mad when they cannot use shame to exercise power over some women's sexuality, and there are certainly many religions and cultures that traditionally placed men in a position of moral authority over the Rules of Sex, and the Proper Behavior of Women. I imagine that those men don't love it when women fail to be impressed with their imaginary mandate.
My husband recently had a rather unpleasant conversation with one of our acquaintances, who is the sister of a mutual friend.
I don't know all the details but basically my husband said something about her being promiscuous and she replied by saying something about him being intimidated or threatened by a woman's sexuality.
What I don't understand is, why would anyone think that? In what way or in what circumstances would that happen? I can't see what would be threatening about a woman's sexuality to any man. It makes no sense.
Well, why would your husband feel he had say anything at all about her sex life to her?
I don't know all the details but basically my husband said something about her being promiscuous and she replied by saying something about him being intimidated or threatened by a woman's sexuality.
?
If she knows that your husband is a chauvinist pig who would never call a guy who slept around promiscuous, then I see her point.
The fact that he feels like he needs to comment on anyone's sex life is suspicious that he's a double-standard-holding chauvinist.
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