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I know I've ranted on this topic before, but it's come up again and it drives me nuts. Why has it become the trend that people will simply not show up to something, as opposed to sending a quick, simple e-mail or text message saying as much. I don't need a reason, I just wish to know you aren't coming so I'm not waiting for you and/or telling people that others will be arriving.
I run a weekly group where regular attendance is important. This past weekend was the third meeting. I'd had two people tell me they wouldn't be able to start until the third week. Neither of them showed up, and neither contacted me. The following day, I emailed one of them, who only then apologized for missing and said she'd be there next week.
And don't get me started on the 3-4 former members who said they'd come occasionally, but didn't come at all. I keep telling my members that the group will eventually be bigger, then I look stupid and disorganized when it never happens.
I don't get it. It would never occur to me to say I would take part in something and simply not show up. Is it because they think I'll be angry that they can't be there? If so, that's very ironic because the fact is, I only get annoyed with the non-response.
People are flakey and feel bad about saying they aren't coming so they will rather say nothing then to say they aren't coming.
I think in this situation you can try to communicate with them. Maybe calling them or texting them a day before so you can get clarification on if they plan to attend or not. At least If they say they will and don't, you will know for future occasions not to trust their word.
Yes, this was covered pretty well in your previous thread.
Even though we have more ways than ever to contact each other, the trend is toward more no-shows than ever.
Personal accountability is just not popular nowadays. Ghosting happens in romantic relationships and in jobs. It's what happens when you live in a society where "anything goes" and social media arguments are rampant but not much happens when you really call someone out personally.
Something is going to have to give, or YOU will go crazy. You'll either have to relax your expectations or disband the group. You can't force people to behave the way you want.
I know I've ranted on this topic before, but it's come up again and it drives me nuts. Why has it become the trend that people will simply not show up to something, as opposed to sending a quick, simple e-mail or text message saying as much. I don't need a reason, I just wish to know you aren't coming so I'm not waiting for you and/or telling people that others will be arriving.
I run a weekly group where regular attendance is important. This past weekend was the third meeting. I'd had two people tell me they wouldn't be able to start until the third week. Neither of them showed up, and neither contacted me. The following day, I emailed one of them, who only then apologized for missing and said she'd be there next week.
And don't get me started on the 3-4 former members who said they'd come occasionally, but didn't come at all. I keep telling my members that the group will eventually be bigger, then I look stupid and disorganized when it never happens.
I don't get it. It would never occur to me to say I would take part in something and simply not show up. Is it because they think I'll be angry that they can't be there? If so, that's very ironic because the fact is, I only get annoyed with the non-response.
I feel the same as you do. And I don't get it, either.
This behavior has gotten so common that one of these days, restaurants will start charging deposits to take reservations, because there are so many no-shows who do not bother to tell them they need to cancel.
Doctors already charge for appointments that become no-shows, or for cancellations called in with too little notice (barring some emergency).
Something is going to have to give, or YOU will go crazy. You'll either have to relax your expectations or disband the group. You can't force people to behave the way you want.
I've already lowered my expectations. Nothing I mentioned in my OP came as a surprise to me, but it does add a layer of frustration to the experience.
I have thought on several occasions that eventually I won't be able to do this group given this trend with attendance, but there are always new people who can benefit from it and few other groups like this in existence. So, I do it for them. The fact is, I can run the group with the lower attendance, but it's more of a challenge. And like I said, the flaky people make it hard for me to convey to the reliable people what to expect.
I think maybe I will stop going after the flaky people. It's proven to be a waste of time. It just complicates things because you never really know until it's too late who those people are going to turn out to be.
OP, is it really necessary to announce that others are going to be there?
When the time comes to start the meeting start the meeting and carry on without the announcement.
Then no one has any expectations of others arriving and you save yourself unnecessary dramatics and frustration.
OP, is it really necessary to announce that others are going to be there?
When the time comes to start the meeting start the meeting and carry on without the announcement.
Then no one has any expectations of others arriving and you save yourself unnecessary dramatics and frustration.
You make a good point, it's probably not necessary to do this each week. However, it's fairly common for new people to question how big the group will be. Or, once they become familiar with one another, to ask who's expected this week. And it's unsettling to not even have a good guess.
Also, if the size of the group has been established as, say 8-9 people, and I'm starting with 4 people in the room, it feels weird to not say anything about it. It's not like nobody's aware of it or wondering about it.
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