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In all honesty, having children was never on my life's to-do list, but my then-husband promised he would help (lie #1), said raising them together would be rewarding and fun (lie #2), and insisted that, if we ever wanted anyone sitting around our Thanksgiving table in 20 years, I had to give birth (lie #3). I gave in and had two beautiful, perfect babies.
Today, my two nearly-grown children are wonderful people, solid citizens, and they will both make a positive contribution to society, but there were many times if I could have wished them into nonexistence, I happily would have. I am just not hard-wired for child rearing, I guess. Not everyone is.
So my advice to anyone considering bringing children into this world is you better really, really, really want it. Because raising them successfully to adulthood is hard work and no fun, and once you start down this path there is no going back. If you are the slightest bit ambivalent about it, don't do it.
I think if more parents spoke honestly about their feelings towards having and raising children, there would be less sugar coating of the experience, and possibly fewer unwanted children would be born into this world. That would be a good thing.
In all honesty, having children was never on my life's to-do list, but my then-husband promised he would help (lie #1), said raising them together would be rewarding and fun (lie #2), and insisted that, if we ever wanted anyone sitting around our Thanksgiving table in 20 years, I had to give birth (lie #3). I gave in and had two beautiful, perfect babies.
Today, my two nearly-grown children are wonderful people, solid citizens, and they will both make a positive contribution to society, but there were many times if I could have wished them into nonexistence, I happily would have. I am just not hard-wired for child rearing, I guess. Not everyone is.
So my advice to anyone considering bringing children into this world is you better really, really, really want it. Because raising them successfully to adulthood is hard work and no fun, and once you start down this path there is no going back. If you are the slightest bit ambivalent about it, don't do it.
I think if more parents spoke honestly about their feelings towards having and raising children, there would be less sugar coating of the experience, and possibly fewer unwanted children would be born into this world. That would be a good thing.
Always refreshing to hear an honest opinion. Thanks!
So my advice to anyone considering bringing children into this world is you better really, really, really want it. Because raising them successfully to adulthood is hard work and no fun, and once you start down this path there is no going back. If you are the slightest bit ambivalent about it, don't do it.
Hard work and no fun?
Hmm, guess I must be doing it wrong then.
Don't get me wrong, it definitely is hard work, and sure, there are plenty of times when it's not fun. And there are many other times when it's more fun than I could have ever imagined. At least for me, the good times far outweigh the bad.
I do think that people should make an informed choice on whether or not to become a parent, but I think this post is an unduly harsh description and not necessarily a reflection of reality.
I think if more parents spoke honestly about their feelings towards having and raising children, there would be less sugar coating of the experience, and possibly fewer unwanted children would be born into this world. That would be a good thing.
Word!
...and always remember, only unpalatable things need sugar coating.
Not having children is the best choice I have ever made. It allowed me to achieve financial security--and with it incredible freedom of lifestyle--very early (despite ridiculous taxation), and I more than met all my need to nurture by giving wonderful lives to delightful dogs. I now have the freedom to reward my nieces and nephews with things they deserve but could not afford, and to support the charities that I find most important. My spouse and I have also have done more to "preserve the planet" than any family with children could hope to do (no matter how much they devoted their lives to recycling and being "green" and such).
No matter how old I live to be, there will be people I can help with charity or generously-compensated employment, and there always be others who have lost all their family members for one reason or another--and then they will become my "family." Being adopted, I know that love is not dependent on biological links.
Too many people fall for the propaganda that you cannot be happy without having children. For many people, having children made their lives much LESS happy than they otherwise would have been--some kids are born sociopaths, or with mental illnesses that destroy the family they are attached to.
Science has done many studies and concluded that you will be just as happy/unhappy with or without children (unless you fixate on wanting them but can't have them, or something self defeating like that); you are born with a biological happiness "set-point" and you can research many methods to increase your happiness level above that biological starting point.
I think it's unusual that so many of your peers have already started families. For me, I'd say it's the exact opposite. Easily 50% or more of my cousins, friends, and acquaintances I went to school with have never had children and likely never will (we're in our late 40s/early 50s). I work in a profession in which more than half, if not 2/3, of my coworkers have no children and likely never will.
So, as a mother of 3, I've often felt very isolated. Alone. Sometimes, even a bit of an odd ball. It's only in the last couple of years, since my kids have become more independent and more involved in their own lives, that I feel that I'm again part of a wider, more connected "society."
As a child-free couple in your early 30s, you're part of the majority in your age group, so try not to sweat it (too much).
Don't get me wrong, it definitely is hard work, and sure, there are plenty of times when it's not fun. And there are many other times when it's more fun than I could have ever imagined. At least for me, the good times far outweigh the bad.
I do think that people should make an informed choice on whether or not to become a parent, but I think this post is an unduly harsh description and not necessarily a reflection of reality.
Eh. It's her reality.
It's certainly not mine, which is more reflective of your experience, where the benefits more than outweigh how hard it can be, easily. But it's totally understandable to me that this isn't everyone's reality.
But, yeah...I feel like if you're raising kids, and is literally no fun, your probably have some major problems with how you're going about it. You're doing something wrong.
OP it's very common to have your biological clock kick in. If you are up for it there is nothing like parenting. It's the hardest job you will ever love, to borrow a phrase from the Marine Corps.
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