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Old 09-26-2017, 02:10 PM
 
Location: Washington state
6,988 posts, read 4,848,051 times
Reputation: 21822

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Quote:
Originally Posted by elhelmete View Post
The childfree people who brag (lie?) about this kind of stuff are almost as annoying (insecure?) as parents that would make rude comments to non-parents.
As in, the simplest statements make it seem like you're bragging. For instance, I told one coworker that I was going home to take a nice, long, hot bath. She told me I could only do that because I didn't have a family to care for. What - I was just making a statement. I sure didn't mean to hurt her feelings or anything. But apparently I did.


Quote:
Originally Posted by rocky1975 View Post
Or suicidal depression because you realize you will die alone in some nursing home being cared for by a minimum wage nurses aid. Think your friends are going to be their in your 50's or that your spouse will never get sick or die LOL. There is a reason our ancestors had LOTS of kids
See OP, this is some of the crap I had to hear all the time in the 70s. Along with "You have to fulfill yourself" or "You need to pass your genes on". Then I was called the selfish one for not having kids!

One of the things you always hear when it comes to having kids is "I, I, I". It's all about the parents and how they need to have kids for themselves.

Kids should be had for one reason only, to make them happy they were born. You have kids for the kids' sake, not for your own selfish reasons. That's why thinking about having kids just to "fit in" is such a bad idea.

By the way, people in the old days had a lot of kids because there was no birth control as we know it. And they didn't all have a ton of kids. Some women were just more fertile than others. And the reason parents were cared for by their children was because there wasn't any other choice.

But also remember, millions of children left their parents in the 1800s because they immigrated to the US or because they traveled half a continent away to resettle elsewhere.
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Old 09-26-2017, 02:30 PM
 
6,039 posts, read 6,035,274 times
Reputation: 16753
Quote:
Originally Posted by rodentraiser View Post
As in, the simplest statements make it seem like you're bragging. For instance, I told one coworker that I was going home to take a nice, long, hot bath. She told me I could only do that because I didn't have a family to care for. What - I was just making a statement. I sure didn't mean to hurt her feelings or anything. But apparently I did.
Well that sounds like a super sensitive person over-reacting.

What I was referring to is more about when a childfree person lists all the things they supposedly do regularly simply BECAUSE they have no children.

"We go to 4 star restaurants every weekend, becasue we don't have diapers to buy!"
"We vacation in Bora Bora every winter, because we don't have to buy a minivan!"

It's a combination of the spurious logic (you spend money on vacations and restaurants because you have $ to spend generally, and you could just as easily and logically state it's also because you don't spend it on a BMW or on a boat) and the curious preponderance of exotic and cliched activities. OK, you got me, I'm probably being a bit much reading into that second thing...
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Old 09-26-2017, 03:19 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in America
15,479 posts, read 15,564,516 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by elhelmete View Post
All due respect, and I really am not trying to pick a fight or judge you specifically, but what you listed would be pretty average in my world where most of my friends are parents. Nothing about it would immediately check the "parents need not apply" box.
Sure seems like you're trying to pick a fight. Just because something is average in your world doesn't mean it is for everyone else. Never said anything about checking a "parents need not apply box" That's something you made up in your own little head.
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Old 09-26-2017, 03:25 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in America
15,479 posts, read 15,564,516 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by elhelmete View Post
Hmmm, not sure...
https://www.cnsnews.com/commentary/t...average-107054
.
Yeah maybe that doesn't equate to DISPOSABLE income, but it certainly clouds the discussion. My facetious/hypothetical question would be "why aren't you child-free couples working harder to make more $$?"
Who says child free couples aren't working harder at making more money? Who says they are? Who says they have to? Why do they need to work work work and not have a life? There's far more to life than working.

Why would married couples without children need to earn more? Typically, they're not buying new school clothes, school supplies, sports equipment, field trips, diapers, formula, new wardrobe for young children every few months, additional food, etc. They should have lower water and utility bills as well. 4 showers a day is way more water and hot water than 2 showers a day.

That link is a commentary which means it's some guy's opinion....just like everyone here on CD except we're not paid.
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Old 09-26-2017, 03:27 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in America
15,479 posts, read 15,564,516 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by emm74 View Post
nope, just with people who think that only non-parents enjoy their lives.
No one said only non-parents enjoy their lives.
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Old 09-26-2017, 03:31 PM
 
13,395 posts, read 13,457,370 times
Reputation: 35711
Thread #9 on the same topic.

People, tell me. Is the children decision this complicated? I don't have children at an age when people are starting to have grandchildren. It's no big deal.

OP, you seem to have other mental issues that you are misdirecting into your decision to become a parent.
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Old 09-26-2017, 03:32 PM
 
Location: Southern California
29,267 posts, read 16,655,017 times
Reputation: 18903
Being child-less lifts many layers of stress from people.

I've been around a long time and MOST in my life have children and some don't, but they are few. I've run into couples married MANY years and are child-less and they appeared to have the best marriages. Taking care of each other and NOT wrapped up in children. I have one child, had one marriage and very content in my single life. But I know when my adult daughter has an issue or her children do, and she tells me, it affects me negatively.
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Old 09-26-2017, 03:41 PM
 
3,437 posts, read 3,272,609 times
Reputation: 2508
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wordsmith12 View Post
Things can change a great deal in 10 years.

In September 2007, I was still the "baby" of the family, even though I was three months away from my college graduation.

Fast forward to the present. I'm married to a great woman (both 32). All our siblings and most of our friends have kids now. For reasons I won't mention in this post, my wife feels she isn't ready to take that step just yet, and I respect that.

Unfortunately, every social function we attend these days serves as a clear reminder that we don't have kids: children running around, people grilling us on when we plan to have them, and so on.

We really feel like the odd couple, as we're one of the few -- if not the only-- childfree pairs at these occasions. It makes us feel isolated and different because we can't relate to half the stuff they talk about. And I can't seem to shake off this feeling of having "fallen behind" my peers because I'm not yet a dad.

Do/did you ever feel disconnected because you do/did not have children? How'd you deal with it?
yeah. especially hard when you are not really sociable.


our solution was to have a baby of course now I can go to any gathering or childrens parties. if im not comfortable with the crowd, I just grab my baby and play with her.
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Old 09-26-2017, 03:42 PM
 
Location: moved
13,609 posts, read 9,644,958 times
Reputation: 23390
Quote:
Originally Posted by charlygal View Post
Thread #9 on the same topic.

People, tell me. Is the children decision this complicated? I don't have children at an age when people are starting to have grandchildren. It's no big deal.

OP, you seem to have other mental issues that you are misdirecting into your decision to become a parent.
It's a ubiquitous topic, as for many people, there are compelling reasons to go either way. The usual case, is where one feels ambivalence in one's personal opinion, but feels strong peer-pressure (or family pressure). Does one accede to these pressures, or hold one's ground? There are profound consequences either way. And either way, it is emotionally soothing to post one's thoughts, in the hope of receiving support - if only from strangers on the internet.
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Old 09-26-2017, 03:51 PM
 
Location: Inland FL
2,518 posts, read 1,841,673 times
Reputation: 4194
All married couples should have children. It's one of the main reasons for marriage. Be fruitful and multiply.
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