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There's also a saying "When you know better you do better."
So either they don't know how to be civil because they were never taught, or they just don't care. I'm not sure how you misunderstand someone honking their horn immediately upon a light turning green. Or failing to hold a door open so it slams shut on people behind them. Or giving you a blank stare when you smile at them. Or driving way over the speed limit, weaving recklessly in and out of traffic. Or cussing out the clerk or fast food worker because xyz didn't go their way. Sitting in a driveway honking incessantly and being a general nuisance (among other things) to the neighbors because they're too lazy to get out of the car. Shouting and cussing loud with no regard for the people around them (this seems to be everywhere I go). People shooting one another over the stupidest things. The very wonderful man in our town who was pulled over by a "fake police officer", shot and killed for less than $20.
What am I misunderstanding? I would love to know ... cause if it's something I'M doing, I'll change.
The not holding the door one I've seen and also been involved in. I watched a group of guys go into a convenience store engrossed in conversation and the let the door close on a couple walking behind them.. I could see the couple get angry. About what though? It's not personal the person was just self absorbed at that moment. I've been the self-absorbed-lost-in-thought-dealing-with-some-issue person before (and the person made a snarky comment) and I've been the person the door closed on because of the self absorbed person in front of me. I never say anything because for all I know they could be dealing with a serious loss or something and I think it's rude to make their holding a door or not about me.
Only twice in my life have I seen someone be rude toward a cashier. Both times someone in line screamed out something at them and we all laughed.
If your getting honked at because you wait too long at a green light you might try watching the traffic when you see the light turn yellow for oncoming traffic instead of doing that after the light turn green for you. You will be able to tell if someone is going to run the red. That's what I do at least and I never get honked at. My mom used to complain about getting flipped the bird when she drove. One day I rode with her and she sat in the passing lane doing the speed limit. We got flipped off. I mentioned to her that she was in the passing lane and should move to the right lane. She said "I'm at the speed limit, why would anyone be passing me?" Then there's my hubby who will tailgate someone like that and flip off other drivers if they go to slow. I told him technically he is the one breaking the law by speeding. He gets flipped off a lot too.
Funny story about sitting in the driveway honking. Some boys came over to pick up by friends 17 year old daughter. They sat outside and honked. My friend went out to the boy's car in his under wear and stuck his 6'5 frame halfway through the window and said "I would appreciate it if you came to the door or called my daughter on her cell instead of sitting out here honking your horn like your PICKING UP A HOOKER!" If it wasn't for teenagers honking their horns there wouldn't be that great story.
The not holding the door one I've seen and also been involved in. I watched a group of guys go into a convenience store engrossed in conversation and the let the door close on a couple walking behind them.. I could see the couple get angry. About what though? It's not personal the person was just self absorbed at that moment. I've been the self-absorbed-lost-in-thought-dealing-with-some-issue person before (and the person made a snarky comment) and I've been the person the door closed on because of the self absorbed person in front of me. I never say anything because for all I know they could be dealing with a serious loss or something and I think it's rude to make their holding a door or not about me.
Only twice in my life have I seen someone be rude toward a cashier. Both times someone in line screamed out something at them and we all laughed.
If your getting honked at because you wait too long at a green light you might try watching the traffic when you see the light turn yellow for oncoming traffic instead of doing that after the light turn green for you. You will be able to tell if someone is going to run the red. That's what I do at least and I never get honked at. My mom used to complain about getting flipped the bird when she drove. One day I rode with her and she sat in the passing lane doing the speed limit. We got flipped off. I mentioned to her that she was in the passing lane and should move to the right lane. She said "I'm at the speed limit, why would anyone be passing me?" Then there's my hubby who will tailgate someone like that and flip off other drivers if they go to slow. I told him technically he is the one breaking the law by speeding. He gets flipped off a lot too.
Funny story about sitting in the driveway honking. Some boys came over to pick up by friends 17 year old daughter. They sat outside and honked. My friend went out to the boy's car in his under wear and stuck his 6'5 frame halfway through the window and said "I would appreciate it if you came to the door or called my daughter on her cell instead of sitting out here honking your horn like your PICKING UP A HOOKER!" If it wasn't for teenagers honking their horns there wouldn't be that great story.
Shooting people doesn't even belong on that list.
IMO, you've touched on two good points.
1) Some people just walk around with a filter/antenna that picks up on any negativity and also ascribes intent to many innocent or trivial acts. They're the ones that can find the one tiny cloud in the sky, or attribute specific malice to the un-held door. There's probably nothing you can do about these types. The best you can hope for is that they just self-segregate and churn their negative life-view among fellow thinkers.
2) Sometimes...we all do something thoughtless or flat out dumb, which if done at the wrong time and place might elicit an angry response. If it happens frequently, it might actually be a good incentive to look inward.
The not holding the door one I've seen and also been involved in. I watched a group of guys go into a convenience store engrossed in conversation and the let the door close on a couple walking behind them.. I could see the couple get angry. About what though? It's not personal the person was just self absorbed at that moment. I've been the self-absorbed-lost-in-thought-dealing-with-some-issue person before (and the person made a snarky comment) and I've been the person the door closed on because of the self absorbed person in front of me. I never say anything because for all I know they could be dealing with a serious loss or something and I think it's rude to make their holding a door or not about me.
Only twice in my life have I seen someone be rude toward a cashier. Both times someone in line screamed out something at them and we all laughed.
If your getting honked at because you wait too long at a green light you might try watching the traffic when you see the light turn yellow for oncoming traffic instead of doing that after the light turn green for you. You will be able to tell if someone is going to run the red. That's what I do at least and I never get honked at. My mom used to complain about getting flipped the bird when she drove. One day I rode with her and she sat in the passing lane doing the speed limit. We got flipped off. I mentioned to her that she was in the passing lane and should move to the right lane. She said "I'm at the speed limit, why would anyone be passing me?" Then there's my hubby who will tailgate someone like that and flip off other drivers if they go to slow. I told him technically he is the one breaking the law by speeding. He gets flipped off a lot too.
Funny story about sitting in the driveway honking. Some boys came over to pick up by friends 17 year old daughter. They sat outside and honked. My friend went out to the boy's car in his under wear and stuck his 6'5 frame halfway through the window and said "I would appreciate it if you came to the door or called my daughter on her cell instead of sitting out here honking your horn like your PICKING UP A HOOKER!" If it wasn't for teenagers honking their horns there wouldn't be that great story.
Shooting people doesn't even belong on that list.
Shooting people is pretty much an every day occurrence in our area. That's the point that you end up at when you live angry and inconsiderate of the world around you with no regard for human life or the feelings of other people.
1) Some people just walk around with a filter/antenna that picks up on any negativity and also ascribes intent to many innocent or trivial acts. They're the ones that can find the one tiny cloud in the sky, or attribute specific malice to the un-held door. There's probably nothing you can do about these types. The best you can hope for is that they just self-segregate and churn their negative life-view among fellow thinkers.
2) Sometimes...we all do something thoughtless or flat out dumb, which if done at the wrong time and place might elicit an angry response. If it happens frequently, it might actually be a good incentive to look inward.
It's amazing how much weight we give to intent rather than the act. One time I accidently got in the express lane at the grocery store with a full cart. I thought I was being paranoid because people kept giving me these dirty looks. The cashier didn't even say anything until I paid. I was so embarrassed I still to this day double check the line I'm in. Then a few years later I got in the express lane with my 10 items and there was this line up behind a woman doing the same thing I did and looking paranoid because the line was glaring at her. I said "You have no idea you are in the express lane do you?" She was like "Oh crap, No". Instantly the body language of the line changed just by the fact she didn't do it on purpose.
It's amazing how much weight we give to intent rather than the act. One time I accidently got in the express lane at the grocery store with a full cart. I thought I was being paranoid because people kept giving me these dirty looks. The cashier didn't even say anything until I paid. I was so embarrassed I still to this day double check the line I'm in. Then a few years later I got in the express lane with my 10 items and there was this line up behind a woman doing the same thing I did and looking paranoid because the line was glaring at her. I said "You have no idea you are in the express lane do you?" She was like "Oh crap, No". Instantly the body language of the line changed just by the fact she didn't do it on purpose.
You are making light of a very real problem in our society. It's condescending.
Cussing out a fast food worker over cold fries is an action ... the intent is clear.
Receptionists cussing during personal phone calls, and in front of other people?
A waitress not acknowledging friendly smiling customers with a reciprocal nice greeting and a smile, instead by giving them a blank stare and barely mumbling, is an action ... it's a choice ... there is no need to read into it further because it's clear that this person is rude. (And as one poster said earlier, if your momma died and you're sad, you still do your JOB. You don't take your problems out on other people).
The things I'm talking about go way beyond dirty looks or too many items in the express lane.
It's not perception or imagination and no amount of Pollyanna thinking will change people's behavior.
Yes, we can choose to ignore it (we have), smile and nod (we have and we do), and go on about our business (we do regardless) ... but this thread isn't about "All the ways we should react to the bad behavior around us" ... it's why are they behaving badly in the first place. And why does it seem to have gotten so bad recently?
Look through the thread ... we can't ALL be imagining it.
It's amazing how much weight we give to intent rather than the act. One time I accidently got in the express lane at the grocery store with a full cart. I thought I was being paranoid because people kept giving me these dirty looks. The cashier didn't even say anything until I paid. I was so embarrassed I still to this day double check the line I'm in. Then a few years later I got in the express lane with my 10 items and there was this line up behind a woman doing the same thing I did and looking paranoid because the line was glaring at her. I said "You have no idea you are in the express lane do you?" She was like "Oh crap, No". Instantly the body language of the line changed just by the fact she didn't do it on purpose.
OMG I can relate. They're out there...these self-appointed intent mindreaders who just can't wait to pounce on someone who they perceive has crossed the line.
I was going to my kid's open house at her school a while back. I parked my car on the street, the first to park in this section, and started walking in and moments later I was accosted by an angry mom telling me I was parked in a no-parking area. I wasn't, but I understood her confusion because earlier in the week the principal had sent out parking instructions that you really needed to read twice to understand because two adjacent streets have the same name (long but unnecessary story).
I started to explain this to her but she kept talking and took pictures of me and my car. So I just clammed up and walked faster. She even went so far as to say I was responsible for luring others to park near me.
At the end of the night plenty of people were parked on the street I parked on...with no tickets...but people who parked on the other 'bad' street had tickets. Like this mom.
You are making light of a very real problem in our society. It's condescending.
Cussing out a fast food worker over cold fries is an action ... the intent is clear.
A waitress not acknowledging friendly smiling customers with a reciprocal nice greeting and a smile, instead by giving them a blank stare and barely mumbling, is an action ... it's a choice ... there is no need to read into it further because it's clear that this person is rude.
The things I'm talking about go way beyond dirty looks or too many items in the express lane.
It's not perception or imagination and no amount of Pollyanna thinking will change people's behavior.
Yes, we can choose to ignore it (we have), smile and nod (we have and we do), and go on about our business (we do regardless) ... but this thread isn't about "All the ways we should react to the bad behavior around us" ... it's why are they behaving badly in the first place. And why does it seem to have gotten so bad recently?
Look through the read ... we can't ALL be imagining it.
I would say it's 99% perception. Even if someone is being rude thinking that their not negates it to you at least.
I'm not making light of it. I'm reporting what I see just like you are. We don't live in the same area so we aren't even processing the same data to begin with. Then there are the differences in our perception to account for. I waited tables for 11 years and can count on one hand the bad interactions I had with customers. I work with the public now and I find people treat me the way I treat them. Even if I do have the stray weirdo I just pretend like I don't get that their being a dink and when I respond nicely it throws them off and they don't know how to respond(aka Jedi mind trick).
I don't know why people behave badly in the first place. Maybe there is a negative chain reaction butterfly effect in place.
L8Gr8Apost8 The not holding the door one I've seen and also been involved in. I watched a group of guys go into a convenience store engrossed in conversation and the let the door close on a couple walking behind them.. I could see the couple get angry. About what though? It's not personal the person was just self absorbed at that moment. I've been the self-absorbed-lost-in-thought-dealing-with-some-issue person before (and the person made a snarky comment) and I've been the person the door closed on because of the self absorbed person in front of me. I never say anything because for all I know they could be dealing with a serious loss or something and I think it's rude to make their holding a door or not about me.
please consider if you will, every generation had it's own culture, things in which the majority of people during that particular time were taught to do by their parents. Matter of fact, it was grained into us by my parents, to hold doors open for people, and if we didn't we'd get a swat. No, of course it's not personal, but some of us, consider not holding doors very rude.
One day I was lost in thought, and upon walking thru a door, did not hear anyone behind me, but, there was....I quickly turned around to grasp hold of the door and aplogised for not doing so. He smiled and said, "no harm done at all". It was a quick reaction or reflex to the way I was raised, actually the way a lot of us were raised.
and those boys were rude....it is a lack of manners....inconsiderate.
there are a whole lot of nice people in this world, and when there is a hurricane, or worse, people come forward to lend hands, people actually become heros. But in everyday life, more people are simply angry, i.e. road rage....my gosh, to actually shoot someone because you don't like the way they drive?
I see the anger in protests, which turn out to be riots....in news feeds, I mean people and I'm sorry to say, especially woman, who do not like the President, are ugly, swear, say horrible things and call people names....never seen anything like it....
yes, people are snarky and angry as a whole....unless of course, they're on vacation, then people are awesome...and communicative.
oh, and I'm angry when ever I see someone using their phones, while driving...b/c they could kill someone and they don't care...it's more important to read those messages. Geeze Louise....I wish they would start giving out huge fines to people that are doing so.....It isn't the right thing to do...
LOL
Last edited by cremebrulee; 10-05-2017 at 12:59 PM..
OMG I can relate. They're out there...these self-appointed intent mindreaders who just can't wait to pounce on someone who they perceive has crossed the line.
I was going to my kid's open house at her school a while back. I parked my car on the street, the first to park in this section, and started walking in and moments later I was accosted by an angry mom telling me I was parked in a no-parking area. I wasn't, but I understood her confusion because earlier in the week the principal had sent out parking instructions that you really needed to read twice to understand because two adjacent streets have the same name (long but unnecessary story).
I started to explain this to her but she kept talking and took pictures of me and my car. So I just clammed up and walked faster. She even went so far as to say I was responsible for luring others to park near me.
At the end of the night plenty of people were parked on the street I parked on...with no tickets...but people who parked on the other 'bad' street had tickets. Like this mom.
I would say it's 99% perception. Even if someone is being rude thinking that their not negates it to you at least.
I'm not making light of it. I'm reporting what I see just like you are. We don't live in the same area so we aren't even processing the same data to begin with. Then there are the differences in our perception to account for. I waited tables for 11 years and can count on one hand the bad interactions I had with customers. I work with the public now and I find people treat me the way I treat them. Even if I do have the stray weirdo I just pretend like I don't get that their being a dink and when I respond nicely it throws them off and they don't know how to respond(aka Jedi mind trick).
I don't know why people behave badly in the first place. Maybe there is a negative chain reaction butterfly effect in place.
I like that! Kill them with kindness. We do that already to a great extent, but I think being "over the top" sweet and charming will surely disarm them!!! Take back that power.
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Take back that power.
