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Mine did it to his prior girlfriend two years before he met me- and his reasoning was of course that he was the "victim" because she was always being loud and bossy and he "felt victimized" by her being loud and bossy so what else could he do? Beat the crap out of her and besides even his mommy said it was her fault and it was lucky he now had a nice girlfriend like me who wasn't loud or bossy. But then later he found other reasons (im definitely not loud) but so he found other reasons that it wasn't his fault for beating me up-- and again like before he was the "victim" now because he was facing actual legal consequences to assaulting me which him and his mom just can't understand because after all he's just a nice guy who's misunderstood and keeps getting screwed by the system when really it's always the other persons fault- if he beats you up next reader then it will be your fault for in some way you rubbed him the wrong way so what else could he do?
No, but I think that maybe some men are only like that to some and not all of their gfs.
If some personalities meet, they can bring out the worst in each other. If they would be with a different person, these triggers/buttons would maybe have never been pushed and the relationship could have worked out. I think that some men are abusive in some of their relationships but not in others. But I dont think they stop their behavior with someone once it started because once respect is gone, it is gone.
No. Even if the physical abuse is stopped, the verbal/emotional abuse continues...
A guy can physically abuse his wife or gf, and either get locked up or get the **** beat out of him (or even both), and he may not touch her again, but I can almost guarantee he will continue to abuse her with his words!
This. I know of a couple where he hit her when they were first married but eventually was just verbally abusive. She finally left him after about 15 years of marriage.
I believe it's possible, but rare. I think turning to God and therapy is probably the best combination. I wouldn't advise anyone being abused to stay in such a relationship. The rug needs to be pulled out from these people if they're going to change (and most still won't).
I believe that anyone could change, but the possibility of an abuser doing so completely is as close to zero as you could get.
I was in an abusive marriage for 5 years. (Feel free to ask me why abused people don't leave (It's not because we like it - disgusting thought.) He was remarried less than a year after our divorce and, at last count, which was 10+ years ago, they had 3 kids.
I hope for those kids' sake that he did magically change his ways, but I doubt it. Abuse usually gets worse as it goes on, not better.
People CAN change, but it would take a lot of very serious work that a batterer is very unlikely to want to do. A batterer is always the one who's right in his house, and everything else is scared to death of him. A guy who handles things like that is likely to want to go right on doing it. Who wouldn't want to be always right and always obeyed? A guy who suddenly and drastically changes because he's in trouble with the law or had a religious conversion or whatever is likely to slide right back into it as soon as he thinks nobody's looking.
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