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That post was indeed "lauded by others". It did, in fact, depict hypocrisy, not "perceived" hypocrisy, but real, genuine hypocrisy. "Context" is no excuse for acting like a jerk. To you, apparently, "context" means, "Hey, that poster really made me angry, so I have the right to come back at him or her in an attack-mode, nasty fashion". After all how dare he or she show me a lack of respect?
What you have demonstrated here is that some people lack self-awareness.
Look...this post of yours right here is a perfect example of how someone can inadvertently hi-jack an entire thread with one, highly-charged comment that is a "personal attack" (you've made it personal to me by directing your comment at me rather than by making a generalized statement that isn't particularly traced to any poster). Because now I feel the need to defend myself against a personal charge you're making against me that has zero context for others.
How would the mods have me handle this? Should I report your "personal attack" against me? Should I defend myself in a civil manner? Should I ignore your comment? This is that whole "walking on egg shells" that is frustrating. Some people seem to have special privileges for attacking someone, while the target of the attack is handcuffed and told to "deal with it". You might not feel this is a personal attack, but you are making a claim against me, out of context, that doesn't paint me in the best light. So what else would you call that? Remember, attack the ideas, not the person. What are you doing here? And how am I supposed to respond? Am I supposed to sit on my hands and let you walk all over me? Is that how this works? You get to make personal attacks on me, and I just have to suck it up so as to not disrupt the rest of the discussion?
With regards to your specific charge against me. If you act like a child, and you brag about your snarky, condescending attitude as if you take extreme pride in how you treat others poorly, then maybe you shouldn't have a membership to a place where your comments regularly stir the pot. Did I overreact in that one instance where I snapped at one snarky poster? Yeah, you could certainly build a case against me. But, given the context of that discussion, and the history of how that poster has treated me on this forum, one could also strongly argue that she had it coming to her. Did you see the thread where she mocked me for spelling a word phonetically? Nah, probably not. Did you see the several comments that she directed at me where she insinuated that I was an idiot, and that I could report her and nothing would be done about it? Nah, probably not.
I'll take responsibility for my actions, and I certainly took note of it there so that I don't make the same mistake again. But with all due respect, Escort Rider, you don't know what you're talking about here because you don't have the entire picture; only a snippet. As for that specific comment that you're referring to, I was having a very civil discussion with the OP that ended on very good terms. The only anomaly to that entire discussion was the other poster, with her absurd assumptions that had no basis. And I called her on it, but I did so in a not very pleasant way because of the history I have with that specific poster. So you want to talk about self-awareness? Yes, it was my bad. I could have handled it much better than I did.
Last edited by Left-handed; 10-13-2017 at 08:59 AM..
Look...this post of yours right here is a perfect example of how someone can inadvertently hi-jack an entire thread with one, highly-charged comment that is personal to me (you've made it personal to me by directing your comment at me rather than by making a generalized statement that isn't particularly traced to any poster). Because now I feel the need to defend myself against a personal charge you're making against me that has zero context for others.
How would the mods have me handle this? Should I report your "personal attack" against me? Should I defend myself in a civil manner? Should I ignore your comment? This is that whole "walking on egg shells" that is frustrating. Some people seem to have special privileges for attacking someone, while the target of the attack is handcuffed and told to "deal with it". You might not feel this is a personal attack, but you are making a claim against me, out of context, that doesn't paint me in the best light. So what else would you call that? Remember, attack the ideas, not the person. What are you doing here? And how am I supposed to respond? Am I supposed to sit on my hands and let you walk all over me? Is that how this works? You get to make personal attacks on me, and I just have to suck it up so as to not disrupt the rest of the discussion?
With regards to your specific charge against me. If you act like a child, and you brag about your snarky, condescending attitude as if you take extreme pride in how you treat others poorly, then maybe you shouldn't have a membership to a place where your comments regularly stir the pot. Did I overreact in that one instance where I snapped at one snarky poster? Yeah, you could certainly build a case against me. But, given the context of that discussion, and the history of how that poster has treated me on this forum, one could also strongly argue that she had it coming to her. Did you see the thread where she mocked me for spelling a word phonetically? Nah, probably not. Did you see the several comments that she directed at me where she insinuated that I was an idiot, and that I could report her and nothing would be done about it? Nah, probably not.
I'll take responsibility for my actions, and I certainly took note of it there so that I don't make the same mistake again. But with all due respect, Escort Rider, you don't know what you're talking about here because you don't have the entire picture; only a snippet. As for that specific comment that you're referring to, I was having a very civil discussion with the OP that ended on very good terms. The only anomaly to that entire discussion was the other poster, with her absurd assumptions that had no basis. And I call her on it, but I did so in a not very pleasant way because of the history I have with that specific poster. So you want to talk about self-awareness? Yes, it was my bad. I could have handled it much better than I did.
ER is the kind of person we're talking about. That snide, disparaging comment out of nowhere, personally targeting someone, instead of staying on point with the thread. So yes, it requires the "accused/attacked" to stop and reply, while the rest of the posters run and get their popcorn to enjoy the cat fight. It's sick.
The worst offenders are the ones who follow someone from thread to thread, continually harassing them.
Last edited by SouthernProper; 10-13-2017 at 08:37 AM..
How would the mods have me handle this? Should I report your "personal attack" against me? Should I defend myself in a civil manner? Should I ignore your comment? This is that whole "walking on egg shells" that is frustrating. Some people seem to have special privileges for attacking someone, while the target of the attack is handcuffed and told to "deal with it". You might not feel this is a personal attack, but you are making a claim against me, out of context, that doesn't paint me in the best light. So what else would you call that? Remember, attack the ideas, not the person. What are you doing here? And how am I supposed to respond? Am I supposed to sit on my hands and let you walk all over me? Is that how this works? You get to make personal attacks on me, and I just have to suck it up so as to not disrupt the rest of the discussion?
This right here sums up the whole point of this thread. And it goes back to my point of certain posters having thousands of posts and are seemingly allowed to derail and personally attack others with no repercussions whatsoever. Even if you do report them, it seems that you are the one who becomes the problem. You will be the one that will be watched and told that you are too sensitive and blah blah blah. Or worse you will be told to put that person on your ignore list
This right here sums up the whole point of this thread. And it goes back to my point of certain posters having thousands of posts and are seemingly allowed to derail and personally attack others with no repercussions whatsoever. Even if you do report them, it seems that you are the one who becomes the problem. You will be the one that will be watched and told that you are too sensitive and blah blah blah. Or worse you will be told to put that person on your ignore list
Personally, I don't even care if someone wants to call me out. Sometimes it might be warranted; I'm not perfect. But other times, it might give me a platform to defend myself and make a point. If it's going to happen, though, I want to be able to say my piece (civilly, of course) without repercussions or retaliation. That's all I ask.
Personally, I don't even care if someone wants to call me out. Sometimes it might be warranted; I'm not perfect. But other times, it might give me a platform to defend myself and make a point. If it's going to happen, though, I want to be able to say my piece (civilly, of course) without repercussions or retaliation.
And you should be able to respond and call them out for it. If it will derail the thread, you could always say, "If you have a problem, let's take it to DM so we don't disrupt the thread."
Let's say someone starts a thread in the relationship forum about being pressured to have sex, but they want to wait until marriage...they are asking for advice to respond to the pressure.
Some jerk comments: "What kind of prude waits until marriage these days?! This isn't the 1950's! I can't stand backward Christians and their moral high ground!"
How should OP respond to this?
The problem:
It's a personal attack against a personal standard that someone has set for themselves.
It's also a personal attack against their religious faith.
It isn't helpful to the OP, no advice, just bashing someone's personal decisions.
OP didn't ask for opinions and judgement for their personal decision. They asked for advice on how to respond to the pressure.
The OP is already having a hard time being pressured, then they come here and get bashed some more.
Last edited by SouthernProper; 10-13-2017 at 09:26 AM..
And you should be able to respond and call them out for it. If it will derail the thread, you could always say, "If you have a problem, let's take it to DM so we don't disrupt the thread."
Good point. Escort Rider, are you reading this? The offer is on the table.
Sorry to anyone else who has already popped their popcorn.
Well,admit,as a woman is is so much fun to troll men on dating sites,but trust me,many deserve it.
Maybe it is the married men or men with ulterior motives looking for partners are trolling,and I am just reacting? Who knows
I do not do it on CD.
OK I have to confess, I have messed with some dudes on OK Cupid back when I was on there. I mean the ones who were, according to my profile text and theirs, the very opposite of what I was looking for. So I would first politely decline and wish them luck, and if that didn't stop them, then they were asking for it, as far as I was concerned. After that, they existed for my entertainment. I would make up gross stories, ask them weird and embarrassing questions, try to initiate discussion of the merits of various odd piercings or demand haikus about extreme sex acts, or sex toys. Possibly order them to complete a quest. The more ridiculous, the better.
I don't do that kind of silliness here either.
In retrospect I really wish I'd taken screenshots or saved those message threads, some of them were pretty hilarious.
Let's say someone starts a thread in the relationship forum about being pressured to have sex, but they want to wait until marriage...they are asking for advice to respond to the pressure.
Someone comments: "What kind of prude waits until marriage these days?! This isn't the 1950's! I can't stand backward Christians and their moral high ground!"
How should OP respond to this?
The problem:
It's a personal attack against a personal standard that someone has set for themselves.
It's also a personal attack against their religious faith.
It isn't helpful to the OP, no advice, just bashing someone's personal decisions.
OP didn't ask for opinions and judgement for their personal decision. They asked for advice on how to respond to the pressure.
The OP is already having a hard time being pressured, then they come here and get bashed some more.
You know, for some, I think it's all about the "Gotchya!" moment. To get back to the psych on this matter...
When you post something like that, or what ER posted above, to some extent, I think in the back of their mind they are thinking "This'll show them. Others will see this and laud me for pointing out their blatant hypocrisy, and the snark and judgmental tone will add to the dramatic flair." I think there is definitely a feeling of accomplishment and justice in publicly pointing out someone else's perceived flaws which drives a person to act in this manner. I know that I've been guilty of it myself, shamefully (see ER's reference above). I've responded in such a manner, and my intent was to "nail them" for the perceived injustice I felt they committed against me, or someone else.
But what do I really know about self-awareness anyway.
Last edited by Left-handed; 10-13-2017 at 09:37 AM..
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