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This is why social networks are so important. I can keep the suicide demons away by just immersing myself in my friends and my pets.
The thing is that it's TRICKY. The things that save one person may be the very things that trigger another person. I don't think you can go wrong with calling to check in on them regularly and simply being present. Encourage them to seek help from a mental health professional - you can't fix them, you can only really be supportive.
I have a much younger friend who made it a point to call me and drag me out or simply come by to hang out when I was dealing with the mountains of crap related to my father and his health. She simply showed up, stopped by randomly, text or IM. She was there, and it was amazing how much having her simply being there helped. She too struggles with depression and anxiety, and she understood exactly what was going on. It was so unbelievably compassionate of her. Sometimes she'd even help me with household projects that had overwhelmed me. I can't say how grateful I am.
Hikes and trips to the park are always a good idea for someone who is depressed, imo.
I was just at the local Out of Darkness walk where I live, supporting a friend who lost her son to suicide. It is an event that is done through the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.
Please reach out to those who are knowledgable in dealing with things like this and seek their advice. I hope you are able to help your friend, and that they know you are doing it out of love and respect for your friend.
Thanks for the advice. My friend isn't saying they want to kill themselves but I see signs which imo is way worse than saying that you're thinking of it bc the people who don't say it are the ones who do it more.
For example, I facetimed with them and noticed that the surroundings went from looking lived in to looking very empty. I know they aren't moving and it's more than cleaning up. Also, they've inserted information into conversations like it's so cool that X bank lets me put beneficiaries on my accounts so if something happens to me... and they've mentioned that they have a safe deposit box, etc. Things like this have been casually mentioned but not dwelled on. I don't think that the average person would even pay attention to it but since my mom tries to kill herself a couple times a year, I'm more perceptive?
Take action - if you do nothing and they do commit suicide then it will help you in the aftermath that you tried to help.
You are not a professional psychiatrist nor psychologist/therapist. But the help you can offer is to tell him/her to go to a psychiatrist to get treatment for the acute symptoms and go to a psychologist/therapist long term to fix, or at least ameliorate, the deeper issues that is leading to this. If necessary, offer to drive them there etc. Of course you can be a shoulder to cry on but you are not qualified to fix this - send them to someone who can.
If they refuse to listen - you still tried to do the correct thing
To give meaning to life. Thoughts of suicide, in my opinion, is visited by people who feel unwanted. You need to show them a purpose in life, to make them feel useful to society.
There is so much more to it than this. Not all people who commit suicide are unwanted or feel unwanted. I have a friend who committed suicide. He expressed to friends that he was considering suicide and they took him to the hospital. He convinced the hospital he was not a risk and promptly came home to commit suicide within 72 hours.
He had tons of friends who told him he was wanted. He was just mentally ill and needed more help than he was getting. There was nothing else anyone I know could have done. They took him seriously and tried to help. That is the best, most important thing any friend can do. Take a friend seriously. Do what you can to help. Unfortunately, sometimes it is not enough.
There is so much more to it than this. Not all people who commit suicide are unwanted or feel unwanted. I have a friend who committed suicide. He expressed to friends that he was considering suicide and they took him to the hospital. He convinced the hospital he was not a risk and promptly came home to commit suicide within 72 hours.
He had tons of friends who told him he was wanted. He was just mentally ill and needed more help than he was getting. There was nothing else anyone I know could have done. They took him seriously and tried to help. That is the best, most important thing any friend can do. Take a friend seriously. Do what you can to help. Unfortunately, sometimes it is not enough.
I agree. It can be different for everyone. For me, the suicidal thoughts start to come to the surface when I feel hopeless or like the anxiety/depression will never be alleviated. I know how my brain works now, and I know that I go in cycles. The valleys are pretty temporary, and I can muscle through them. I write myself notes when I'm in a good spot so that I have reminders for when I'm not doing so well.
I have a friend who is depressed and I think suicidal. This person has no family and few close friends. I'm not sure how to help bc I know if I alerted any authorities/drs they might end up putting the person in a hospital and tbh, it'd make their lives worse bc they couldn't work and would possibly lose their job and definitely get behind on their bills plus this person has pets and literally no family or nearby friends to care for them.
I had a college next door neighbor that fit that description. I tried to spread the alarm and basically nothing happened except I earned some mild dislike from the powers that be.
On a different note I recently emailed out my "thoughts on turning 60" and posted it on Facebook. One took it as a suicide note. When that friend confronted me with that issue, I pointed out that certain portions, highlighted below, were intended to make sure that interpretation wouldn't happen.
It read (with some deletions):
Quote:
Originally Posted by jbgusa thoughts on turning 60
Physically I am doing well, for which I am grateful. Of course there are the usual issues; thinning hair, a bit too much weight, and a slower jogging pace. The losses over the decade, however, or more profound and troubling. Going to my 50s, I was a long time member of a closely knit law firm. On the surface, everybody cared about everybody. With several normal exceptions, this was illusory. Several of the people have remained close and loyal, but the fabric was frayed and ultimately broke for reasons relating to developments in the practice of law. I am now productively and somewhat happily involved in my own practice and appearing of counsel to other firms. The idea of retirement does not appeal to me, especially since I have at least one third of my life left, and want to remain active throughout.
Without mincing words, the losses have been among family and friends. Certain of those losses or through death and illness. Others miss defined me more because I have always assumed that the need for friends was ingrained into the human psyche.
Instead, most contacts are on the surface friendly, but many people avoid or cannot wait to end conversations. Maybe it's technology. Maybe it's just being in the 50s and 60s. However, I do not want to be too negative since many of the friends and family members that I have lost were good to me well beyond the call of duty on numerous occasions. I hope I returned the friendships amply.
I look forward to more good times, and wish everyone a happy Pesach or happy Easter.
Just being able to talk to someone about it is a great help. Just to "be there" for the friend. Feeling so alone is a big part of the depression. If you can be a good listener to this friend, that will go a long way in helping them. I don't think there's much else you yourself can do....it is good of you to be worried about them.
This.
Chances are this person could really use someone in their corner. A shoulder to cry on, someone to talk to, or just somebody to tell them "I'm here whenever you need me."
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