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Well, some of them are charming and really adept at pulling you in. Thinking on smart ones vs not so smart, it hit me that I had a friend who I now see is an N. But he was not good at it. Attempts at gas lighting failed, and not because I recognized them as such, but because the attempts were so poor.
I was just like ? That was weird to say.
Power differentials come into play as well. I held the power. He wanted to be around me more than I did him.
A lot of Ns will only be with people they know they can control, or feel superior to, and lose interest if it doesn't work out that way. They won't keep trying, they buzz away to another flower.
This N I know joined a dating service and demanded only men with lower education and no children, even though she had kids. She didn't want them to have money or own a home. She did have money and a house. It's pretty obvious what is going on there.
Years ago, I did the est training and got a lot of good out of it (no, I didn't join the cult).
I told my mom that she might find it useful (at the time, I didn't realize she was a narcissist, just recognized she was unhappy). A friend of hers suggested it,too, so mom did the training. I picked her up at the end and she was LIVID.
"My friends and family think I'm a B-witch so they made me take the est training!" was about all I got out of her.
We never discussed it again, but she told my brother that she had disagreed with the trainer, and thought he was going to tell the other attendees to tear her to shreds.
So I would say mom did not like looking in that mirror. She DID recognize herself, but quickly threw the blame on everyone else.
Years ago, I did the est training and got a lot of good out of it (no, I didn't join the cult).
I told my mom that she might find it useful (at the time, I didn't realize she was a narcissist, just recognized she was unhappy). A friend of hers suggested it,too, so mom did the training. I picked her up at the end and she was LIVID.
"My friends and family think I'm a B-witch so they made me take the est training!" was about all I got out of her.
We never discussed it again, but she told my brother that she had disagreed with the trainer, and thought he was going to tell the other attendees to tear her to shreds.
So I would say mom did not like looking in that mirror. She DID recognize herself, but quickly threw the blame on everyone else.
Right well Ns have created a false self-image and demand THAT be reflected, so yeah. Their whole life is spent avoiding a real mirror.
My sister is a narcissist. She says she is a "perfectionist".
Narcissists are quite different from perfectionists.
If anything, I would say that narcissists are the opposite of perfectionists.
Perfectionists at least strive to do well (and often do), while narcissists are very concerned with adulation and taking credit for things they don't accomplish.
There's a famous example of an extremely powerful narcissist in the news, but further details of that discussion is not permitted in this forum.
From my experience, malignant narcissists know there's something wrong with them, but the thought of actually spending some alone time and confronting their inner demons terrifies them to the point where it's permanently out-of-the-question.
So, they're kind of aware, but not really. And they're never going to fix themselves.
For that matter, I think most of us cannot really see ourselves.
Sometimes there are three of us: (1)The one we see; (2)the one others see; (3)and the one that really is.
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