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Old 11-03-2017, 02:19 PM
 
710 posts, read 580,995 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gentlearts View Post
By the same token, we women, even independent ones, want a dashing man who will swim through shark infested waters to get to us, not just a nice one.

Maybe those getting rejected are just acting too needy, apologetic, and nice?
How is being “too nice” even remotely a bad thing and where is the line drawn between being “nice” and “too nice”?
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Old 11-03-2017, 02:24 PM
 
212 posts, read 158,713 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gentlearts View Post
Have any of you read Wild at Heart, by John Eldridge? It doesn’t specifically deal with rejection, but it is one man’s view on how society denies the basic nature of males. The book gets a bit preachy after awhile, but the beginning chapters are fascinating.

According to the author, men are naturally meant to be aggressive adventurers, yet society (schools, churches, etc) tries its best to tame them and change them. The natural tendencies of men are the reason why Columbus discovered America, and Lewis and Clark explored, and men went west to pan for gold.

By the same token, we women, even independent ones, want a dashing man who will swim through shark infested waters to get to us, not just a nice one.

Maybe those getting rejected are just acting too needy, apologetic, and nice?
So it's society's fault that some nice guys keep getting rejected?
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Old 11-03-2017, 02:43 PM
 
Location: Jupiter
10,216 posts, read 8,273,645 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RedWings18 View Post
She's gonna hit you with the anecdotal" she approached guys all the time blah blah blah" but in reality most guys don't get approached often and average guys almost never get approached IRL. And to top that most guys who are approached don't often reject.
I have had men in my family claim women who approach men are easy lays. They would only say yes just to have sex with them and then reject said woman if she wanted more. Some women do approach, some men (like some of my relatives) don't take them seriously.
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Old 11-03-2017, 02:49 PM
 
Location: In the cold, dark wasteland of eternity...
926 posts, read 670,327 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Screami View Post
So it's society's fault that some nice guys keep getting rejected?
Geez....it's NOBODY'S fault when a person gets rejected!

A rejection is simply a rejection - period. Every single person on this earth has gotten rejected at least once in their life. People have their own specific physical (and chemistry) preferences for who they're attracted to and want to date - whether those physical and/or personality traits are 'fixable' or not. Some people really need to get a grip on that fact and stop trying to place the blame for all their rejections on other people.
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Old 11-03-2017, 03:12 PM
 
212 posts, read 158,713 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AprilFlowers17 View Post
Geez....it's NOBODY'S fault when a person gets rejected!

A rejection is simply a rejection - period. Every single person on this earth has gotten rejected at least once in their life. People have their own specific physical (and chemistry) preferences for who they're attracted to and want to date - whether those physical and/or personality traits are 'fixable' or not. Some people really need to get a grip on that fact and stop trying to place the blame for all their rejections on other people.
So people are rejecting themselves now?
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Old 11-03-2017, 03:25 PM
 
Location: Earth
4,575 posts, read 5,165,421 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 49ersfan27 View Post
I have had men in my family claim women who approach men are easy lays. They would only say yes just to have sex with them and then reject said woman if she wanted more. Some women do approach, some men (like some of my relatives) don't take them seriously.
This. Maybe it doesn't happen as much, but it's still an ideal held by a good few that men approach. My older female relatives swear up & down that only desperate or easy women approach or hit on men, and that you have the guy come to you -otherwise, he may sleep with you, but he won't actually date you.

Thing is, if you're an average person that's not dazzling people with your beauty, then you may need to do some approaching. lol This goes for men & women. You just have to be social and talk to people you find interesting or attractive, and let the chips fall where they may.

Last edited by HappyRain; 11-03-2017 at 03:46 PM..
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Old 11-03-2017, 04:09 PM
 
Location: Phoenix, AZ
20,244 posts, read 14,477,175 times
Reputation: 39103
Quote:
Originally Posted by gentlearts View Post
Have any of you read Wild at Heart, by John Eldridge? It doesn’t specifically deal with rejection, but it is one man’s view on how society denies the basic nature of males. The book gets a bit preachy after awhile, but the beginning chapters are fascinating.

According to the author, men are naturally meant to be aggressive adventurers, yet society (schools, churches, etc) tries its best to tame them and change them. The natural tendencies of men are the reason why Columbus discovered America, and Lewis and Clark explored, and men went west to pan for gold.

By the same token, we women, even independent ones, want a dashing man who will swim through shark infested waters to get to us, not just a nice one.

Maybe those getting rejected are just acting too needy, apologetic, and nice?
Holy moley...do you know the real deal about Columbus? No one should want anyone like him, or to be anything like him. Ugh.

I do not want a dashing man who will swim through shark infested waters to get me.

I want a sane man who is at peace with himself, who has an inner core of stillness and a wicked smile in his eyes. A man who is not destructive, harmful, or spiteful inside. Smart, silver, soulful and snarky. Give me Gomez to my Morticia, not some inflated (muscles and ego!) action hero.

MillennialUrbanist, the word "chemistry" for me, truly describes the actual chemical component of attraction. Believe it or don't, but I have had men in my life I thought I was attracted to, until I got their scent, or kissed them, and then *poof!* It's gone. Nothing. The idea of being intimate with them feels disturbing and wrong. I can only guess, because it's not that they smelled bad or had bad breath, that this off switch reaction has chemical factors at play. There is some science to suggest it, but I don't think it's conclusive. EDIT: The man I love now, I am practically addicted to his scent. It makes me wanna crawl all over him.

And in a more metaphorical sense? It could mean anything. But I doubt it's usually about looks.

49ersfan27: I actually can't argue with you about the "easy lays" thing. Every time I've ever approached a guy (and I don't mean making friendly conversation, I mean letting him know I thought he was hot and I'd like to date him, approach) I would certainly have been an easy lay...for HIM. That was kind of the point, I wasn't trying to pretend to be some skittish, frightened little shy princess. I didn't need him to buy me stuff or win me over. What I cannot fathom is why a man who is chosen in such a way would assume that a woman who doesn't make it difficult for him specifically, because she wants him, would necessarily be that way for all men everywhere all the time. I chalk it up to insecurity born of competitive male nonsense, personally. Thoughts?

But after that one guy spooked off at how very forward I was, I decided maybe I needed to cool it. So when the one I'm with now "approached" me (sent me a message online, then met with me at a social event)...I agreed to meet with him again and again, interacted with him at parties and things, and gradually tried to give him hints that I was interested... Finally one night he told me that he didn't think he was very good at reading cues of when women liked him. So I literally said to him, "Well, if you are waiting for me to give you consent...you have it. I would like to have sex with you. Let me know if you want me to come over sometime."

The 2 year anniversary of that relationship, at least insofar as it was a sexual one, is coming up on the 13th.

Some guys will appreciate games, some will appreciate honesty. Unfortunately it's hard to tell sometimes which is which, until you've made a mess of things. Oh, well! I've come to think that if a man needs games and can't handle my honesty, we probably would struggle to have a healthy relationship anyways.
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Old 11-03-2017, 04:19 PM
 
Location: In the cold, dark wasteland of eternity...
926 posts, read 670,327 times
Reputation: 1525
Quote:
Originally Posted by VanillaChocolate View Post
This. Maybe it doesn't happen as much, but it's still an ideal held by a good few that men approach. My older female relatives swear up & down that only desperate or easy women approach or hit on men, and that you have the guy come to you -otherwise, he may sleep with you, but he won't actually date you.

Thing is, if you're an average person that's not dazzling people with your beauty, then you may need to do some approaching. lol This goes for men & women. You just have to be social and talk to people you find interesting or attractive, and let the chips fall where they may.
^^^This.

I can strike convos with guys and women alike no matter where I am or what I'm doing so, socializing comes very easy to me and I really like talking to all different kinds of people.

But, as far as approaching a guy with the intention of asking him out on a date or for his digits? Um, no. I don't approach guys that way, and, I don't have to. But, when they flirt with me, talk to me or give me the eye, I reciprocate and let them know that I'm interested. I don't want any guy thinking I'm an 'easy lay' just because I approach him, so, no...that's never gonna happen.
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Old 11-03-2017, 05:00 PM
 
Location: Queens, NY
4,525 posts, read 3,387,539 times
Reputation: 6030
Quote:
Originally Posted by AprilFlowers17 View Post
^^^This.

I can strike convos with guys and women alike no matter where I am or what I'm doing so, socializing comes very easy to me and I really like talking to all different kinds of people.

But, as far as approaching a guy with the intention of asking him out on a date or for his digits? Um, no. I don't approach guys that way, and, I don't have to. But, when they flirt with me, talk to me or give me the eye, I reciprocate and let them know that I'm interested. I don't want any guy thinking I'm an 'easy lay' just because I approach him, so, no...that's never gonna happen.
You have your preferences, but a guy that thinks your an easy lay because you approached first is immature.
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Old 11-03-2017, 05:43 PM
 
Location: In the cold, dark wasteland of eternity...
926 posts, read 670,327 times
Reputation: 1525
Quote:
Originally Posted by NewYorker11356 View Post
You have your preferences, but a guy that thinks your an easy lay because you approached first is immature.
Of course he is. Glad to see at least one guy on here point that fact out.

But, that doesn't change the fact that there are a LOT of guys out there who think that way - as immature and undeveloped mentally as they are.

And for that reason, it's why many women do NOT approach guys; because most of the guys on here (and IRL) bemoaning how they NEVER get approached by women are the very same guys who would think she's an 'easy lay'...and, they would absolutely jump on that 'opportunity' but then after that, they would ghost or next her.
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