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The same reason I care what women think of me. It's a legitimate question.
My guess is that lots of men have been attracted to her (men are interested in anything that moves), but she is either very bad at picking up signals or does something to repel guys. Since the latter has been extensively discussed I'm going to go with the former.
I would NEVER post a photo here. People can do a reverse image search and find out where you post, your job, your home, phone number. NO THANKS. There are enough vindictive people/bullies and trolls on this site to make that a no no in my book.
Very true but it's pretty hard to have a meaningful discussion about someone's looks without knowing what they actually look like.
As another said, beautiful is not the same thing as attractive. Or good-looking or hot or sexy. If one has never been called any of those things but often called beautiful then chances are they are not very physically appealing. It's common to call an ugly woman "beautiful" if she is a nice and decent person because they are recognizing the inner person.
People keep bringing up the 40 lbs but it was only for a short time. I’m proportioned also.
Human beings are a total package of tangibles and intangibles. They present a look and a vibe. Whatever you think of yourself, and whatever others specifically tell you, throw it in the garbage. All that matters is results. The results are the reality, everything else is white noise. Your reality is that you are not as appealing as you'd probably like to be. And that means you are a member of a pretty big club. Most people fall into this situation. The ability to be appealing to a large percentage of the population is a talent, and it is rare.
And there is not a lot you, or anyone else, can do about it at this point. Especially if you are over 35 and 40lbs overweight. Short of losing a ton of weight and becoming some kind of phony with conscious personality adjustments. But then, to what end? Can you maintain a phony personality in perpetuity? Are you going to be a fit person from here on in? Of course not. You are who you are. And anyway, what would you attract with a phony personality? Another phony of course.
If you are over 35, you should be past worrying about appealing to others anyway. At this point you need to be an adult pursuing rational goals and living a productive life. Then if you happen to meet someone and the sparks fly, that would be some good luck.
All of this presumes you are single. If you are married, you have no business appealing to anyone except your spouse. If that is gone and cannot be rekindled, then divorce first before worrying about catching something new.
I’m married now and he isn’t even into me. It’s almost like he stayed with me by default because he “isn’t a catch like he used to be”.
I know I’m married now but please don’t say I shouldn’t worry because my husband loves me because that doesn’t help me understand.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Adrian75
My husband can’t get it up for me and had no interest in sex.
You do realize that if your husband does have erectile dysfunction, that him not being able to get it up is not a indication of how much he finds you attractive, right? This would not be a case of “He can’t get it up forme...” He simply just can’t get it up.
Men who suffer from ED many times won’t initiate sex because they are afraid of failure. And if you are the one initiating, he would probably make a million excuses as to why it’s not a good time.
Obviously, if this is making you seek out validation from other men it’s just going to make everything worse. And you said to not tell you that he loves you because it won’t help you to understand?
How would we know that he actually loves you, any more than we would know what you look like? That makes me wonder if you already know how much he loves you & IMO, any man who loves his wife wouldn’t let a few pounds or age distract him, if he could help it. ED is many times treatable & if not it’s “work around-able” & you sort of owe it to each other to at least try.
Contrary to what you are implying here; guys who will have sex with you are a dime a dozen. A guy that loves you will be the rarer find.
The same reason I care what women think of me. It's a legitimate question.
My guess is that lots of men have been attracted to her (men are interested in anything that moves), but she is either very bad at picking up signals or does something to repel guys. Since the latter has been extensively discussed I'm going to go with the former.
If your self esteem is dependent on what others think of you then you are going to be pretty miserable in life. The op seems pretty miserable and seeking male validation outside of her marriage.
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 2 days ago)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Spuggy
If your self esteem is dependent on what others think of you then you are going to be pretty miserable in life. The op seems pretty miserable and seeking male validation outside of her marriage.
If your self-esteem is not dependent at least largely on what others think of you, you're out there in the weeds somewhere. I'm not talking about being overly sensitive to negative or positive feedback, but taking the whole picture in.
If, in general, people don't want to be around you you'd be remiss in not noticing and trying to make changes.
And that, in a nutshell, is why there are some really obnoxious unlikable people. Because believe they don't they need to take into account what others think of them. Their self-esteem is independent of actual reality.
I would never post a pic to a site of people I don’t know and I don’t think I’m “too pretty” at all. In fact I feel very ugly most of my life regardless of people saying I am beautiful. And I wasn’t always 40 lbs overweight. That was at my highest for a short time.
RED FLAG: "I feel very ugly most of my life..............." and I suspect what goes with that "I'm ugly, no man wants me." and friend/relative replies out of sympathy "No you are beautiful/pretty." and this happens again and again with OP seeking validation, probably with the husband who is burned out on it too! I have known women like this, and as a woman, I just end up avoiding them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle
So this is the problem.
Even with your big rack and the fact that you're married, you have terrible self-esteem. That does communicate in a variety of ways that repel instead of attract.
You need to resolve that, OP.
Yep, that's the problem, self-esteem + needing feed from outside that she is "all that".
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar
Would you like us to tell you that anyone who called you beautiful must have been lying? You’re dwelling on an event that happened 12 years ago, but I’m sure you’re conveniently ignoring the attention that you get from men who you don’t find attractive.
Her standards may have been too high? Such a beautiful woman would surely be entitled to pick and choose?
Quote:
Originally Posted by homina12
Hijacking your thread for a minute.
Do women really think a nice rack is all a man might be interested in? Really?
Some men are. Although I don't think this is hijacking the thread. If they were "out there", as a woman, I know some men would be uncomfortable with that. I would wear a minimizer bra and cover them up as to not be advertising that as my perceived best feature.
Quote:
Originally Posted by parentologist
You'd find more happiness and fulfillment in life by working on your relationship with your husband, than by obsessing narcissistically over why you didn't attract more men in the past.
Plan a great date night? Plan a project with your husband that will improve your lives, and your financial standing? Plan a vacation with your husband?
Your current way of thinking is pointless, unproductive, and potentially jeopardizes your marriage.
If she goes on and on like this with her husband, about being "beautiful" and that she believes that he just stays with her because he doesn't really have other options, this has to be a drag on the relationship.
Quote:
Originally Posted by tamajane
If you think your husband isn't into you that is a problem.
Definitely, but perhaps there is more to the story there also.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar
Is she even into him? She shouldn’t be worried about other men if she’s already married to the love of her life.
Hopefully, she isn't communicating this to him. Sad.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Adrian75
My husband can’t get it up for me and had no interest in sex. Even now when I’ve lost weight. I remember a guy who wouldn’t get with me but then was all about my friend who was 100 lbs overweight.
I don’t act needy and I always am interested in what others have to say.
So, you think he isn't into you because he can't get it up for you. Does he get it up for other women? Maybe watching porn? It is quite possible this isn't related to the way you look. As someone has said it could be erectile dysfunction: https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-...s/syc-20355776 I suppose you give him a lot of grief over not being able to get it up, this will not help your relationship.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spuggy
If your self esteem is dependent on what others think of you then you are going to be pretty miserable in life. The op seems pretty miserable and seeking male validation outside of her marriage.
Exactly. And, although married now, with the husband not able to get "it" up for her, I suspect further issues. OP needs counseling about her image and husband needs to possibly seek medical advice if he can't get "it" up at all.
I just feel their is constant nagging going on. I too wonder the age of both the OP and her husband, and whether or not they have children, which can make a difference in a relationship.
Emphasis on bra size, yeah, takes more than that to attract most men, well, any that would be keepers.
Sad situation.
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