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I've always been what you might call a "traditionalist." I like knowing that certain things will happen at a certain time so I can look forward to them. And while I understand that nothing lasts forever, it sometimes bugs me when traditions are ended and nobody else seems to care.
Case in point, I've always loved having Christmas Eve dinner with my family, just sitting around the table eating and talking. Well, roughly a decade ago the "adults" in my family (meaning my parents' generation) decided that having a big meal Christmas Eve and another on Christmas Day was just too much food. And like that, Christmas Eve was changed to just hors d'ouvers in front of the TV, with minimal conversation while everyone focused on the movie instead. I also miss my aunts holiday meals.
(For a couple of years, we reverted back to the traditional way, but I'm told this year it's back to finger foods only and for the same reason.)
And before you ask, no I've never expressed my opinion to them simply because I know I'm outnumbered. No point forcing everyone to have a big meal when I'm the only one who wants it. I always seem to be the only one who likes things different from everyone else, and I've always been self-conscious about it.
Have you offered to host Christmas Eve dinner? Are you preparing any food?
Do You Like Traditions? We really do not have one. Things have changed since my sister and I have gotten older. She has kids and I do not. Two totally different situations.
And Does It Ever Bother You When Other People Don't?
Not at all. Each to their own.
The more I think about it, the more it seems there are multiple issues going on here. While it remains true that I dislike the ending of traditions without a good reason, this specific problem is starting to feel more like a control issue than anything else. Certain members of my family have a tendency to have the final say in how things go, and even though I'm well into adulthood, I generally don't get consulted.
I had a chat with my brother earlier, and he's clearly of the same mindset as me. We both see the absurdity of what happens, but also roll with it because it's easier than trying to argue. He also gave me his version of the story, which puts a funnier spin on things.
Apparently, my mother told him that we shouldn't have Christmas Eve dinner because she "remembers" one year when my aunt served "so much food" that my mother was "still too full" to eat dinner the following afternoon. Based on this, she's asked my aunt not to cook meals anymore.
Knowing my mother as well as I do, I can tell you two things. First, this almost certainly never happened exactly as she says. And two, regardless of how much my aunt scales back on the food, Mom will still complain about how full she is when she leaves.
I certainly could offer to host next year, but as long as the tradition of going to my aunt's is possible, I'd prefer to keep that alive. I don't want to take that from her, so long as she wants to do it. Someday, it'll almost certainly come to that. (Though Mom will still insist there be no meal, regardless of where we are!)
I think it is best when an old tradition outlives its time to substitute another in its place. It is worse when a tradition dies and nothing else takes its place. That's how families grow apart, I think. Often one or two people in a family make sure certain traditions go forward. When something happens to that person, another person does not take his or her place. Or, people have grown tired of the tradition and don't carry it on.
I think it is in the nature of families that traditions change and finally come to a close.
I am with the OP though. I like talking to my family members. Its too bad seeing a movie is taking the place of conversation. But I do get that two big meals over the space of 36 or 48 hours is too much!
I've always been what you might call a "traditionalist." I like knowing that certain things will happen at a certain time so I can look forward to them. And while I understand that nothing lasts forever, it sometimes bugs me when traditions are ended and nobody else seems to care.
Case in point, I've always loved having Christmas Eve dinner with my family, just sitting around the table eating and talking. Well, roughly a decade ago the "adults" in my family (meaning my parents' generation) decided that having a big meal Christmas Eve and another on Christmas Day was just too much food. And like that, Christmas Eve was changed to just hors d'ouvers in front of the TV, with minimal conversation while everyone focused on the movie instead. I also miss my aunts holiday meals.
(For a couple of years, we reverted back to the traditional way, but I'm told this year it's back to finger foods only and for the same reason.)
And before you ask, no I've never expressed my opinion to them simply because I know I'm outnumbered. No point forcing everyone to have a big meal when I'm the only one who wants it. I always seem to be the only one who likes things different from everyone else, and I've always been self-conscious about it.
I’m with you. We still have dinner together every night. Holidays are still a big deal, and you won’t find any finger food here!
The healthiest perspective is that traditions tend to organically shift to reflect the changes in the lives of the participants.
Unfortunately, it's hard to please everyone when making changes. It sounds like you miss the fellowship of the former Christmas Eve, since it's been replaced by a new tradition that isn't social in the same way, which is understandable.
My extended family's decades-long Christmas Eve traditions halted when my grandmother, the matriarch and host, became incapacitated by Alzheimer's. My family tried to keep the tradition of the extended family get together going, but my aunts and their families didn't bite. For various reasons, once my grandma was gone, they were done. It was disappointing, but my family simply carried on, on our own. Now, my siblings and I all have families, and we continue with our kids what we loved...holidays with the grandparents...every other year, and we all spend them with our inlaws on the off year.
I think it is best when an old tradition outlives its time to substitute another in its place. It is worse when a tradition dies and nothing else takes its place.
This. You can't take something away, and replace it with nothing, unless you accept that this does very often result in families fracturing off and losing connection.
Sometimes, though, it's chicken or egg...do families grow apart because they allow traditions to lapse, or do traditions lapse because families drift apart?
Have you offered to host Christmas Eve dinner? Are you preparing any food?
Just a guess, because this is how it played out in my extended family...the people who wanted the traditions to continue offered up hosting themselves...but nobody was interested in participating.
Where Christmas traditions go, I don't see how they can continue as people knew them in the "past". Children grow up and have their own families, which means another side of the family (spouse's) that they have to consider, too. Sometimes people want to form their own. Traditions are meant to morph along as the family dynamics change. In the OP's case, it sounds to me like some of the people are tired of cooking.
I do like most tradition, though I've created my own.
I wonder how much unhappiness is afloat in the world because people expect (and some demand) that their Christmas be exactly the same way it was when they were a child.
I don't think it's about tradition. I think it's about resistance to change. Calling it tradition is just putting a nostalgic face on it.
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