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How about, it's paying respect to the ones who are grieving?
That man won't know or care whether you attend or not. Your mom will.
I went to an Uncles funeral, I hated the man, he had been abusive, but his wife, my Aunt had always been nice & was unaware of his nastiness, so I went to support her & other family members who meant something to me. I still hated him, & still do, but I do not regret going for other family.
He was verbally abusive to me in his drunken rages, practically throwing me out of my childhood home on the few occasions I visited. When he was sober he simply wouldn't speak unless spoken to, and it would literally be "hi" or "bye", that's it.
I'm stunned that your mother stood by a man who verbally abused her daughter. And I can understand why you might be ambivalent about this occasion.
You going or not isn't going to affect him at all or your relationship that occured. It will affect your relationship with your Mom... well, it could.
The old "funerals are for the living" thing. Do you want to support your mother in her grief? Or are you just happy you no longer have to deal with him?
+1, especially the underlined. BF is done.
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