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Old 12-21-2017, 12:44 PM
 
Location: Northern California
130,592 posts, read 12,156,539 times
Reputation: 39077

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Quote:
Originally Posted by old_cold View Post
How about, it's paying respect to the ones who are grieving?
That man won't know or care whether you attend or not. Your mom will.

I went to an Uncles funeral, I hated the man, he had been abusive, but his wife, my Aunt had always been nice & was unaware of his nastiness, so I went to support her & other family members who meant something to me. I still hated him, & still do, but I do not regret going for other family.
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Old 12-21-2017, 12:54 PM
 
Location: Redwood City, CA
15,253 posts, read 12,992,479 times
Reputation: 54051
Quote:
Originally Posted by EastBoundandDownChick View Post
He was verbally abusive to me in his drunken rages, practically throwing me out of my childhood home on the few occasions I visited. When he was sober he simply wouldn't speak unless spoken to, and it would literally be "hi" or "bye", that's it.
I'm stunned that your mother stood by a man who verbally abused her daughter. And I can understand why you might be ambivalent about this occasion.
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Old 12-21-2017, 12:55 PM
 
Location: Denver CO
24,201 posts, read 19,247,380 times
Reputation: 38267
Quote:
Originally Posted by old_cold View Post
How about, it's paying respect to the ones who are grieving?
That man won't know or care whether you attend or not. Your mom will.
yep, this. Your mom loved him, whether anyone approved or not. If you care about her, be there for her, it's not about you or even him.
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Old 12-21-2017, 04:06 PM
 
5,401 posts, read 6,544,471 times
Reputation: 12017
Would your mother like you to go?
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Old 12-21-2017, 04:17 PM
 
165 posts, read 174,924 times
Reputation: 590
Take the high road. You won't regret it, and your mother will appreciate it.
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Old 12-21-2017, 04:46 PM
 
Location: Retired in Malibu/La Quinta/Flagstaff
1,608 posts, read 1,947,868 times
Reputation: 6029
I've been in this exact situation before, even served as a pallbearer. I went just to make sure they were dead.
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Old 12-21-2017, 05:37 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in America
15,479 posts, read 15,645,971 times
Reputation: 28464
It's not about you. Go support your mom. This will impact your relationship forever.
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Old 12-21-2017, 06:11 PM
 
5,296 posts, read 5,246,440 times
Reputation: 18664
Funerals are for the living. The dead are pretty ambivalent about them.

Approach it in that manner.
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Old 12-21-2017, 06:27 PM
 
6,826 posts, read 10,538,756 times
Reputation: 8397
Go to the funeral. You might regret not going, but there is nothing to lose except a few hours by going. Just suck it up and do it politely.
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Old 12-21-2017, 06:30 PM
 
Location: Raleigh
8,166 posts, read 8,539,906 times
Reputation: 10147
Quote:
Originally Posted by Murk View Post
You going or not isn't going to affect him at all or your relationship that occured. It will affect your relationship with your Mom... well, it could.
The old "funerals are for the living" thing.
Do you want to support your mother in her grief? Or are you just happy you no longer have to deal with him?
+1, especially the underlined. BF is done.
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