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I wanted her to be happy but always had a bad feeling about the whole thing, very early on. I saw all the red flags but figured it was her business and I should butt out of her private affairs. Although, naturally, I had protective instincts that were rising up in me.
He is gone. Your not attending the funeral won't matter a whit to him. But your mom needs your support. You can take private satisfaction in the fact that he isn't an issue any longer. Do the right thing by your mom, and go.
OP, if it's money you want, if it's your birthright you're worried about, this is a great time to suck up and help your mom get her affairs in order, as she might have changed her will to include him.
Mourn with her, even apologize for not understanding her love, and sneak in to help her deal with stuff for a while. When the financial advisor comes in to have her rewrite documents as necessary, step away and remind your mom it's her decisions. Don't push. That would be too obvious. Just be there and don't ask for anything, but drive her to appointments if needed, or have her for dinner so she isn't lonely on a Friday night.
Don't argue and don't rehash the past. Just remind her of what you mean to her by being there. That's your long-term financial strategy. You're doing this for you, so do it for you. Be smart about it and don't let anger get in the way of what you want.
I sure hope this post ^^^^^ is sarcasm.
If it isn't sarcasm then shouldn't the daughter be doing the above things anyway because it's the right thing to do? Not because she is being led by greed? Be led by love instead since that will never fade.
Obviously these high-and-mighty posters have no idea what it's like to watch their mother support a freeloader with your birthright.
We are saying attending the funeral is for her mother, not the bf. I hated my stepfather, I couldn't understand how my mom could stand to be in the same room with him let alone kiss him, and I left home the second I turned 18 because of him. But I also understand that for whatever reason, my mother loved him. Therefore she was in pain at his death. I love my mother, therefore I show her that love by standing beside her and holding her hand at his funeral. It's not about being high and mighty it's about being able to step outside your own needs to consider someone else's when they need you.
My question is, am I obligated to attend the funeral? I don't respect him and honestly always pretty much despised him. But also feel the need to be of emotional support to my mom of course. Is there a way I can hold my own ground and still be there for her? This is really difficult to think through logically especially being Christmas. I always swore up and down I wouldn't go, and that's honestly how I still feel in my heart. Wondering if I'm the only one who's been in this type of predicament.
You are not obligated to do anything. BUT, you mother is still YOUR mother.
Did you ever stop to think your mom loved him? Every part of him. It did not bother her when he moved in. She sounds very generous, even in the pocket book. He may have taken advantage of that but for your mom, she lost him. He died. Try to remember your mom's pain.
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