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Personally, I think life is too short and my time is too valuable to engage in interactions with people who annoy me or don't respect me. It's really not fixable and is a huge waste of time and emotional energy. Trying to right a situation in hopes of getting people to act right towards you is ultimately not worth the effort, IMO.
You have to step back, let go, and occupy your time more productivity. People sail through their whole lives, seeking approval and validation. What a waste. Only you can give that to yourself, especially if you didn't get it from your family, which you should have. But you can't change that, so stop trying.
The "if you hold onto hurt, you're only hurting yourself" is not helpful because that is rational - I know that - the problem is that there is something in me that keeps it unresolved.
I have used many methods to deal with the resentments. Just wondering if anyone else has this problem, and if so, what they have done to resolve it.
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What keeps it unresolved is that which keeps itself in power as long as you remain stuck.
Resent means re-feel, it's anger that replays itself and overwhelms the rational mind.
The bible says never sleep in your anger. In doing so it sinks into the subconscious, like cement it is easy to stir when Fresh but overnite transforms into rock.
After a while I could justify a resentment. Take it out and nurse it to make my'-self "feel" better (superior).
Nursing a grudge only strengthens the resentment and further incapacitates the mind.
Resentment is the bane of humanity, the middle East resent israel, to the point of self destruction.
I'll teach them. I'll blow myself up, sure.. that's clever
.
Resentment is a profit center for lawyers, they practice stirring it between foolish clients to the point that the only people who end up with any money are the lawyers stirring up the bad blood and poisoning the well.
I learned that people say they just let it go but often their ego had other ideas and they can no longer get rid of it.
Ego don't go down easy
Personally, I think life is too short and my time is too valuable to engage in interactions with people who annoy me or don't respect me. It's really not fixable and is a huge waste of time and emotional energy. Trying to right a situation in hopes of getting people to act right towards you is ultimately not worth the effort, IMO.
You have to step back, let go, and occupy your time more productivity. People sail through their whole lives, seeking approval and validation. What a waste. Only you can give that to yourself, especially if you didn't get it from your family, which you should have. But you can't change that, so stop trying.
So true, I see it here every day. people approval seeking.
Looking for someone to co-sign their BS.
And they find em too, hilarious.!
IF they really believed their baloney they wouldn't need anyone's approval.
Life is too short to live halfazzed but plenty long enough to get it right.
I agree with you. But having to constant control your reactions ....
Finding a healthy balance can be very difficult if you have had to put extraordinary effort into channeling your emotions a certain way for a long period.
Trying to change someone is playing God , that is exhausting.
If you suspect they're pushing your buttons,
stop sewing them on.
resentment of my mom crops up pretty often. Her emotional abuse kept me from developing confidence as a young person, and affected my entire life--even after I stopped seeing her, even after she died.
A rabbi said the hardest commandment to obey is honor Thy father and thy mother .
It doesn't say anything about them being perfect or even kind.
I agree with you. But having to constant control your reactions when you are forced by circumstances to be in the company for a long period of time is exhausting, and in my experience that much effort of controlling myself created its own problems.
I became very good at the control part, but it became over ingrained into my personality. After I was away from the original people who prompted the control pattern I had a very deeply developed tendency to express disagreement and anger in verbally honest terms but with very little emotional tone. And then after repeated incidents and repeated similar reactions on my part I would verbally execute you on the spot the day you stepped over a line I had told you - far too nicely probably - was there. And it was like being disemboweled by Mr. Nice Guy.
Developing that kind of personality trait as a result having to constantly control your reactions with certain people for a long period then becomes a problem.
Finding a healthy balance can be very difficult if you have had to put extraordinary effort into channeling your emotions a certain way for a long period.
Yes, adapting oneself to dysfunction makes one dysfunctional oneself.
Currently I am living in close quarters with a person who came to visit with the express purpose of trying to cram me back into a box I escaped from a couple of months ago. Yes, there is unresolved anger, rage and resentment. I meant to be compassionate by issuing the invitation but I'm learning that compassion has to be tempered with caution.
To claim to love me while wanting to drag me back into a situation where I was desperately unhappy and physically sick for years... I marvel at the perversion of the word "love." Fortunately he will be gone in a day or two and I can get back to the business of becoming a whole, healthy person again instead of one who is forced to serve another's needs.
I do have issues...I think I got from my mom. If she was mad about something she made sure everyone knew it and we all had to help "fix" it or at least feel it with her.
Even now I feel like if I don't show that I'm upset then people won't take me seriously - that they'll brush off my concern or issue because it must not be a big deal if I'm not mad, right? It's a weird thing - being taught to be the "good, quiet, obedient kid" and not show your emotions and then feeling like you're disregarded unless you throw a fit.
I had a best friend that hurt me to the core of my being about a year ago. Of course the friendship ended. I did send her a card when her mother died a few months ago, and I gave her a hug at the wake. I don't hate her, but I am still profoundly disappointed in her. I miss the way it used to be, but the conflict comes in knowing that it will never be the same again. I almost texted her and wished her a Merry Christmas but I was just too busy with my friends. Life has a way of giving you the answers that you need. Sometimes the answer is as subtle as a snowflake falling on a cold winter night. The truth is that I had moved on and filled my life with people that make me happy. The past is the past and can't be relived. Only the here and now matters because we all know that the future is not guaranteed.
Now if you want to talk about my abusive alcoholic parents, you better have all day.
Nope, no anger or rage built up in me. I can think of a couple areas in my life that could be better, but learn to live with and let go.
Same here. If I do have any resentment about anything happening recently I deal with it and let it go.
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