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Old 01-11-2018, 11:32 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by foundapeanut View Post

They have a low awareness level of many things in life.
The more I think of it, and after spending a week with my in-laws who all tend to be chronically late and have difficulty navigating group activities, I think what you wrote above is often true.

I just think some people can't hold more than 2 or 3 thoughts in their brain at the same time, and can't think more than 10 or 15 minutes ahead. Those things manifest as being late and clumsy in groups.
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Old 01-11-2018, 12:29 PM
 
17,448 posts, read 9,753,318 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mondayafternoons View Post
Like with most behavior patterns there can be a number of reasons behind it such as --

Didn't have it modeled for them and thinks it's just how to do things-- unaware

Passive aggressive- had a friend many years ago who made it a point to always no matter what show up to agreed on meeting times-- for example meeting for lunch at 11:30, would reliably be late , by 20-30 minutes. Since it happened regularly no matter how busy or unbusy her life was over a handful of years I felt it was passive aggressive she did it with other people too- I think it was her way of saying she'll come on her time

Chronically unorganized with no ill will meant

Aspbergers syndrome, a.d.d.
This covers much of it. Unreliable people mostly haven't ever established the behavior patterns that would have made them reliable. I'd say 90% of the time, you can trace it back to their parents. Did you get to the school bus stop on time? Did you do your homework? Did you make your bed? Did you do the dishes? Did you take out the trash? Nobody is born being responsible and reliable. They learn it. With lousy parenting, they can reach adulthood never having learned it.
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Old 01-11-2018, 09:19 PM
 
Location: Wasilla, AK
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Selfishness and/or a sense of entitlement.
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Old 01-11-2018, 10:00 PM
 
Location: Olympia area (for now)
2,064 posts, read 850,371 times
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Could be the person wasn't taught to respect others growing up, is just a jerk, or thinks his/her time is more important than yours. I really hate waiting for people who are chronically late.

Not so much co-workers who risk losing their job by being late, but family members do this, as well as people I've done volunteer work with. Some people are just living in a bubble, with no concept of how the other person feels. Sad to say, there are adults who will never grow up and be reliable.
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Old 01-12-2018, 01:03 AM
 
Location: 'greater' Buffalo, NY
3,937 posts, read 2,491,259 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by foundapeanut View Post
Every case is different.

You are NOT a priority to them.

They have a low awareness level of many things in life.

They are jerks.

They are jealous of the status in life you managed to achieve after knowing them when things weren't good for you. In their minds, you changed the game, this is a way of getting back at you. Yeah lots of mental stuff going on here. Be glad you aren't them.

They think they are higher on the food chain than you.
foundagoodanswer
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Old 01-12-2018, 06:54 AM
 
2,952 posts, read 1,894,167 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KaraZetterberg153 View Post
Sounds like an example of passive-aggressive behavior. There's another thread going on about this, but in terms of being late all the time it may indicate that the person subconsciously thinks they're so important people have to wait on them. Nobody is that important.

I have a friend, this gay oboe player from Holland, who is always and always late. We swear, at his funeral we're going to bring the coffin in late! And then once he shows up (like at your house), he never leaves. He's a loyal friend, even to people who actively dislike him for these traits.
I had a friend who showed up late constantly. Loved her, nice fun person, pretty drama free. Wasn't always out looking for a man, divorced had kids, back in school trying to better her life. Kind of person I like.

Last time I decidedi it wasn't worth it anymore, we were doing a self improvement book and meeting once a week to discuss each chapter. set goals etc.

The straw that broke the camels back I said lets meet near your house at this park (wonderful spring day) 10 minutes from her house. I thinking OK so I drive 45 minutes, she has 10, surely she'll show up.

I get there, wait 15 minutes, call her, Oh I'm on my way. 30 minutes pass, yeah this time I really am. 20 minutes she shows up.

The chapter we are on is about change - how appropriate! So I start go through my list of what I want to change about mself. She says she has a couple small thing, names them. Nothing about showing up lateall the time! I aks her 3 more times if there isn't one more thing she wansts to change - NOPE.

Keeep in mind, she is doing this constantly (not just to me) and has lost jobs over it. I was done. The issues she refused to address were casuing her harm in life and she didn't care.

When I cut all contact, she was very upset. Wondering what she had done wrong. I told her it was me not her. She knew dang well what it was. She was 40 years old, she wasn't attempting to improve on this.

Frankly I think she had a fear of success. She had all the bells and whistles for a great job. Was getting hired by CEO's as their assistants, did her work well. Except in this one mandatory area of life. *SMDH* Her childhood family was giving her grief as she was bypassing them and moving out of where her childhood comfort zone was.
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Old 12-16-2018, 08:24 AM
 
905 posts, read 575,596 times
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There are so many reasons...

Selfishness & lack of empathy
Laziness
Poor time management
Lack of funds
Just don't care...everything is a take it or leave it proposition at best
Too busy with work/family
Conflict avoidance-put off saying "no" until last minute
Moodiness
The small, routine things to most people are big things to certain people, and they let them get in the way, or use as an excuse from doing other less routine things.
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Old 12-16-2018, 09:25 AM
 
Location: Southern MN
7,722 posts, read 4,397,191 times
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svicious's first thought is mine.

I think a lack of responsibility in an otherwise "normal" adult comes from a deficit of empathy. It's a characteristic of sociopathic/narcissistic thinking.
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Old 12-16-2018, 10:23 AM
 
Location: planet earth
7,156 posts, read 2,992,286 times
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I think it's a moral issue. Some people are moral, others are not. If you are immoral, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do.
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Old 12-16-2018, 02:30 PM
 
892 posts, read 284,092 times
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sometimes, lack of clarity. sometimes, finding out what their needs or priorities helps with perspective, but communication helps with mutual agreement on how it'll be handled. if reliability isn't as important to them, better to ask elsewhere. it's a big world!
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