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Old 01-05-2018, 11:16 PM
 
Location: Brisbane, Queensland, Australia
134 posts, read 136,308 times
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What are the root causes of being unreliable? any variables which stand out? I don't understand this myself, please explain to me why???
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Old 01-05-2018, 11:33 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
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Quite a variety of reasons. Some don't care, and blow off any obligations or responsibility. There are all kinds of issues that can cause people to be unreliable.
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Old 01-06-2018, 08:40 AM
 
4,744 posts, read 1,775,647 times
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In some sense it might be plain 'ol stupidity; they're not thinking in terms of the long term effects, how their behavior will affect the context of their personal and professional lives. It's just not smart.

Of course there's an ethical issue, too, separate from long-term, practical applications. To me, if you say you're going to do something, that obliges you to keep your word. If you don't, it's LYING, whether you have a good reason to break your word or not. Lying is always bad, though all of us do it all the time. See, Sam Harris:

Lying
https://www.amazon.com/Lying-Sam-Har...5253271&sr=1-5
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Old 01-06-2018, 08:46 AM
 
2,952 posts, read 1,893,863 times
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Every case is different.

You are NOT a priority to them.

They have a low awareness level of many things in life.

They are jerks.

They are jealous of the status in life you managed to achieve after knowing them when things weren't good for you. In their minds, you changed the game, this is a way of getting back at you. Yeah lots of mental stuff going on here. Be glad you aren't them.

They think they are higher on the food chain than you.
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Old 01-06-2018, 12:01 PM
 
529 posts, read 196,786 times
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Could just be they are dysfunctional. I see a lot of judgmental replies that I don't think are warranted without knowing the personal situation of the unreliable person. Could be mental illness too.
What is the situation with the person? Care to share more detail?
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Old 01-06-2018, 12:24 PM
 
4,744 posts, read 1,775,647 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by foundapeanut View Post
Every case is different.

You are NOT a priority to them.

They have a low awareness level of many things in life.

They are jerks.

They are jealous of the status in life you managed to achieve after knowing them when things weren't good for you. In their minds, you changed the game, this is a way of getting back at you. Yeah lots of mental stuff going on here. Be glad you aren't them.

They think they are higher on the food chain than you.
Sounds like an example of passive-aggressive behavior. There's another thread going on about this, but in terms of being late all the time it may indicate that the person subconsciously thinks they're so important people have to wait on them. Nobody is that important.

I have a friend, this gay oboe player from Holland, who is always and always late. We swear, at his funeral we're going to bring the coffin in late! And then once he shows up (like at your house), he never leaves. He's a loyal friend, even to people who actively dislike him for these traits.
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Old 01-06-2018, 02:51 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
27,243 posts, read 17,618,863 times
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Possibly an unreliable person has never had reliability modeled for her. Or, he lacks empathy, not understanding how his actions affect others. Or, she is immature, choosing a more diverting thing, blowing off the agreed upon thing.

I consider consistently unreliable adults to be flakes.
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Old 01-06-2018, 03:12 PM
 
3,531 posts, read 2,118,625 times
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Depends on what they are unreliable about. If they don't show up to a party or social event, odds are that they never wanted to say yes but were too scared to say no.
If they are unreliable about something like picking you up from the airport or giving your dog meds while pet sitting, that's a different ballgame.
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Old 01-08-2018, 08:46 AM
 
800 posts, read 416,609 times
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Entitlement, whether they are actually entitled or not.

When someone says they will do something and then does not, they feel entitled to choose their own wants over the commitment they *chose* to make. This is a character flaw that seeps into every aspect of their lives; it's best to let them go right away and know that you cannot rely upon them in the future unless they demonstrate change in the future. And if they question why, say so, unabashedly. It is not rude to tell them why; they asked. "You showed [in x, y, and/or z situation] that you are not reliable, so I chose another person/company."
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Old 01-08-2018, 08:57 AM
 
1,409 posts, read 901,506 times
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Like with most behavior patterns there can be a number of reasons behind it such as --

Didn't have it modeled for them and thinks it's just how to do things-- unaware

Passive aggressive- had a friend many years ago who made it a point to always no matter what show up to agreed on meeting times-- for example meeting for lunch at 11:30, would reliably be late , by 20-30 minutes. Since it happened regularly no matter how busy or unbusy her life was over a handful of years I felt it was passive aggressive she did it with other people too- I think it was her way of saying she'll come on her time

Chronically unorganized with no ill will meant

Aspbergers syndrome, a.d.d.
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