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I'll help you OP & I'm sorry about your sister. Thank you for this thread.
Grandiose &/or Narcissistic sound applicable at first but ... not. There is something else. What does everybody else seem to think of him?
Do they think he is honest?
A Martyr? A victim; even of just circumstance?
Or; do they see him as a dreamer? A loser? What do the kids'think?
He has a few friends, but not close friends. We noticed that his best friend is a goofy guy without other friends, and also my cousin who is also kind of strange. We know he is not honest, so I presume he has revealed that to others in different ways. What we know is that we lent him $5000. when he was starting his ill fated business, and not only did he never pay it back, but he keeps “forgetting” he owed it, even when we asked him about it. We never expect to get it, but it’s the “forgetting” part that’s irksome. We know he shoplifted in college, and tried to get out of paying his student loans.
His grown children must be aware of his flaws, but I’ve never discussed it with them. As I mentioned earlier he has bounced around different real estate companies, built a few teams that have fallen apart. He has one now that he seems happy with, but we’ll see how long it lasts. He likes to be the expert, and he like for the other little worker bees to make him money. He is in a car club, and likes to be an expert online also.
If it’s pertinent, this person never gets angry. To me, this isn’t normal. He jokes about everything. It’s as if all his feelings are buried.
If it’s pertinent, this person never gets angry. To me, this isn’t normal. He jokes about everything. It’s as if all his feelings are buried.
I feel like it is really pertinent because it’s the stumbling block to any simple answer. The grandiosity, the inability to finish anything ... smacks of Bi-Polar but ... the use of humor to deflect doesn’t fit.
If your sister would have seen his anger, I wonder if she would have been honest about it?
I feel like it is really pertinent because it’s the stumbling block to any simple answer. The grandiosity, the inability to finish anything ... smacks of Bi-Polar but ... the use of humor to deflect doesn’t fit.
If your sister would have seen his anger, I wonder if she would have been honest about it?
I think she would have been honest about it. I think it’s normal to get angry sometimes. They were married 47 years. I know we’ve been with them under circumstances which would have made anyone tense, or frustrated, but BIL wasn’t.
I rarely get angry , use humour to cope with difficult things but don't never bottle my emotions. I wouldn't use lack of anger as a litmus test on what is normal.
I also dislike my bil based on our interactions with him , believe it or not he is also in a car club and such an expert. Some of his behaviors and attitude have been very disturbing. I so loved my sil but she goes along with him at the cost of most all her family relationships. I don't feel sorry for her, she has made her choice and is complicit but I do feel sorry we can no longer see her .
I rarely get angry , use humour to cope with difficult things but don't never bottle my emotions. I wouldn't use lack of anger as a litmus test on what is normal.
I also dislike my bil based on our interactions with him , believe it or not he is also in a car club and such an expert. Some of his behaviors and attitude have been very disturbing. I so loved my sil but she goes along with him at the cost of most all her family relationships. I don't feel sorry for her, she has made her choice and is complicit but I do feel sorry we can no longer see her .
That’s a coincidence. The car thing, as well as being in charge of a real estate group, is indicative of my BILs need to be thought of as a expert. Historically, like I said, he could have legitimately risen to the top of any of the companies he was with, but the self sabotage kicked in.
He has a few friends, but not close friends. We noticed that his best friend is a goofy guy without other friends, and also my cousin who is also kind of strange. We know he is not honest, so I presume he has revealed that to others in different ways. What we know is that we lent him $5000. when he was starting his ill fated business, and not only did he never pay it back, but he keeps “forgetting” he owed it, even when we asked him about it. We never expect to get it, but it’s the “forgetting” part that’s irksome. We know he shoplifted in college, and tried to get out of paying his student loans.
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Well, they declared bankruptcy, so why do you think you're any better than any other creditor?
Well, they declared bankruptcy, so why do you think you're any better than any other creditor?
His sister got her money, because she was less polite than us....or she knew him better. If I borrowed money from my sister, at some point I would have paid her back sometime in the 35 years since then.
I also don't get all the hostility toward the OP. Gentlearts, how long ago did your sister pass? It sounds to me like you're mourning her in some way, going over all of this in your head, and venting. It's fine, it's human, and I'm sorry your sister didn't have a better life. However, these were choices she made and I'm assuming she wasn't stupid, so there were reasons for her choices and neither you nor she may be aware of all of them. Marriage is complicated, to put it simply. The thing with BIL being a bit emotionless could be some form of Asperger's.
You might also be a bit annoyed at her for accepting things you wouldn't have yourself, and are using BIL as a scapegoat to some extent. But even if that were true, all this deep rumination is about your feelings for your sister. Maybe you wish you had been closer and done more. It still sounds like grieving to me. Sort it out in your head, it's important.
I don't understand the hostility directed at the OP...... she is just musing on her sister's husband and what may drive him......
Yes very seriously.
No surprise at the enablers coming out of the woodwork to co-sign the nasty gossip.
Got something to say about someone, go say it to them. Gossips are very nasty people.
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