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Yes, but folks, this was blatant. Asking for a second helping (just so you could ask later to take it home) is bad manners, period. It obviously astounded the host, or she wouldn't have written about it, and it would have astounded me, too.
P.S. I never give folks my tupperware. If they're taking something home (this is family we're talking about here, at holiday dinners) it goes into those giant yoghurt or other containers that I save for the purpose. That way no one has to worry about bringing it back.
Yes, but folks, this was blatant. Asking for a second helping (just so you could ask later to take it home) is bad manners, period. It obviously astounded the host, or she wouldn't have written about it, and it would have astounded me, too.
P.S. I never give folks my tupperware. If they're taking something home (this is family we're talking about here, at holiday dinners) it goes into those giant yoghurt or other containers that I save for the purpose. That way no one has to worry about bringing it back.
The plastic Chinese food containers are good for sending people home with food.
Perhaps the real issue isn't the rudeness of the guest helping him- or herself to leftovers, but the rudeness of the host not inviting guests to take some home. It seems to me that at least making that offer used to be part of being a thoughtful host or hostess.
Are you kidding me? How many people cook for themselves any more--making a homemade meal? Let alone invite guests over for a home cooked meal? If we took a poll here about the last time we cooked for guests, especially non-family, I bet at least half have not invited anyone over for a meal, in over a year.
As for it being thoughtful to offer guests a doggie bag, I don't see that. The thoughtfulness was thinking enough of that person to invite and cook for them. Their job is done once the person completes the meal and then after some additional socializing, walks out the door. Why does the guest need a souvenir of the meal or another meal that s/he hasn't cooked? It was an invitation for one meal!
I'd be curious as to whether this guest will ever reciprocate in any way. If she doesn't cook, then how about taking the host out to a restaurant? What did she bring as a hostess gift?
It's been said that with all the sexual accusations these days, men won't want sex with real women. It will just be easier to pay a prostitute or watch porn. If a host can be considered rude because they didn't send the guest home with a doggie bag, then less and less will want to even have guests over and cook for them. I know that I am doing this less, with guests coming late and having long lists of what they will eat and not liking my food and playing on their phones instead of conversing---and that's before I knew about my "obligation" to provide an additional meal.
I went to an evening memorial service for a beloved person. It was held in a restaurant reserved for the ocassion. The grieving family footed the bill for everything. After a while dinner was available buffet style. After everyone had eaten, the staff removed the dinner selections and brought out the desserts. A woman at my table expressed shock and irritation that the leftover dinner courses had not been made available for her and others to bag up later and take home. She was mightily offended. I was speechless.
It is hard to believe someone would even consider taking left-overs home from a funeral meal.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ndcairngorm
Yes, but folks, this was blatant. Asking for a second helping (just so you could ask later to take it home) is bad manners, period. It obviously astounded the host, or she wouldn't have written about it, and it would have astounded me, too.
P.S. I never give folks my tupperware. If they're taking something home (this is family we're talking about here, at holiday dinners) it goes into those giant yoghurt or other containers that I save for the purpose. That way no one has to worry about bringing it back.
I agree.
My brother, who is a great cook, got so fed up with never getting back his Tupperware that he now washes out many sizes of containers (cottage cheese, Cool Whip, yogurt containers, ice cream buckets) so that people can take home left overs from his holiday meals. It is actually very handy. You can use a tiny, tiny container for the two deviled eggs and a larger container for the left over turkey.
I was surprised by the behaviour of someone I met last fall at some group social meetings.
In late Dec, I invited this gal over for lunch. I made a tasty beef stew with cognac, lots of freshly roasted herbed vegetables, and garnished with creme fraiche. For dessert, we had warm berries topped with cream whipped with Frangelico, toasted and ground hazelnuts, and cardamom.
After she ate her generous serving of stew, she asked for a second helping. I was flattered but surprised since the first serving was huge and she is tiny. She is my guest and might have a furiously high metabolism, so why not? So I gave her another big serving.
She ate a little then put bowl aside.
Same thing happened with dessert.
Hmmmmm? I was curious.
Then she mentioned she brought tupperware with her and could she take her uneaten food home?
I transferred contents of bowls to tupperware, of course.
I've never had this happen. I didn't mind giving her food but the expectations and behaviour were something I have never seen before. I've been puzzled about this for weeks.
Is this odd? Do people do this all the time? Or does she place frugality over manners more than I do? Her finances are fine (I know bc she has asked me for some advice re investments, etc).
What do you think?
That kind of frugal behavior was endemic in my Scots ancestors. I think it was embedded in their genes. I never waste even a bite of food and consider it a minor tragedy, if I have to toss some fruit or vegetables that have gone bad. Also, my parents grew up in hard times, in remote areas and self-sufficiency and frugality go hand-in-hand.
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 8 days ago)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by otterhere
The fact that it doesn't appear in an etiquette book doesn't mean it isn't a tradition in friendly society; urging guests to take food home after a meal is very common around here.
If you're going to call the OP rude for not offering to pack her leftovers for her guest, you need to find it in an etiquette book, otter. Because the fact is, you can easily find the exact opposite is true in etiquette books - that it's rude to ask for leftovers when you're invited to someone's home for dinner.
Here's your line. "Sorry, OP, I guess I was wrong about manners. Apparently where I live is an unusual community that doesn't adhere to typical social norms".
As I said earlier in the thread I'm a stickler for etiquette. And I'm a stickler for calling someone to the carpet who calls someone rude kind of out of nowhere. With nothing whatsoever to back that up.
I'm still wondering why you described the food like you're a food critic fawning over food like it belongs on an alter.
And why you're backstabbing someone on the internet with vicious gossip when you had every opportunity in person to just say no.
I'm still wondering why you think a description of the expensive and carefully made meal isn't important, and why you think that the OP shouldn't be perplexed by the guest's behavior.
Once something similar to your situation happened to me. It was when we first moved to our current home. The neighbors invited us to their house for dinner & we reciprocated. When they got ready to leave, the woman asked if she could take the leftover wine (which we provided) home with her. There was only about a third of a bottle left & it was inexpensive & nothing special, but I was so taken off guard that I said yes.
We soon learned that they were users...friendship for them meant what they could get from us, so we now ignore them. You should probably do the same with this person.
Yes. Mooching doesn't work in friendships.
I used to invite a friend over for dinner, not often, but she was horribly cheap. She'd bring over a box of chocolate or cookies to share, then ration how much the other guests could have, so she could take the rest home with her. I guess she was too stupid to realize she should only bring the amount she's willing to share in the first place. I was appalled at this behavior, after the 2nd time it happened, we don't invite them to our home anymore.
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