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This is what people what exist in a rational world say. I’ve seen the same thing in trying to explain the workings of a dysfunctional alcoholic family to someone who didn’t live in that. I get total incomprehension; its as if I tried to get you to speak fluent mandarin chinese with only one 5 minute lesson.
What you fail to understand is that the person who is suicidal has a very closed down world. The emotional pain is so great that their world closes around them and they can only see themselves.
Imagine the most horrible physical pain you ever had. Were you thinking of other people during that pain? NO, of course not, you were only trying to survive the pain, and trying to find some way to make it go away.
While suicide may appear selfish in a negative way, the reality is that in any kind of intense pain ---physical, mental, or emotional--- one does only think about oneself. Its the only thing possible. When you are in intense pain you are unable to think about anyone but yourself.
How do I know this? A) I’ve been there myself and B) I’ve counseled children in this state.
My cousin who was near my age, killed himself when we were in high school, and I’ve always thought about what I could have done to save him. I had a dream about him recently, so that’s why I’m posting this. I wish that things didn’t get so bad that he had to take his life, he really was my best friend.
Anyone else have a relative or friend take their life unexpectedly, and do you still think about them?
Quite a few - especially if you count drugs and booze abuse (at young age).....I don't think about them hardly at all because they all put themselves in situations where they were responsible for the actions...longer term. For instance, one "hot" cousin married an a-hole (the only sane way to describe him is very much like Don the Con) and next thing you know the hubby is taking up with the Swede Budweiser Team (they were booze distributors). He was a complete and utter mental midget and perhaps 5 years old emotionally. Nothing anyone could do. She spiraled out of control and then one day she was dead.
A recent relative of my wife - a real "nerd" who should have been a researcher, was strung up with an extension cord.
One of my good friends (well, more than one) who was good looking and into heroin was just gone one day - while other druggies who were much less responsible are still alive 50 years later....
Anyone who thinks their is a "a God" is fooling themselves IMHO. The worst of the close family matters was my dads brother who married a witch - she was BETTER than everyone. I think all the kids were screwed up, but one hated Mom so badly that he went to their cabin in the woods and made a mess with a shotgun on their bed in their bedroom.
Given the thousands of military suicides, the tragedy is not that they didn't get help - it's that their government and you and I allowed them to be used as cannon fodder. The tragedy started.....and will end....long after what you consider the tragedy (the action).
In fact, I would posit that many of our current problems are the result of exposing our young people to war - we've done it for generations. We continue to do it. It creates a cycle of violence and depression that never goes away.
WWII Vets were somewhat pressured not to talk about it - just get on with life. That doesn't mean it was any different.
Isn't it interesting that most suicides seem the result (or some causation) of the biggest money around....
1. War
2. Drugs
3. Our Medical System
4. The Gun Culture
The combo of just those three exceeds or equals the Federal Budget.
It's typically American to lament things as "if they just happen". Maybe it's Calvinism or our clinging to Religion. But the truth is that is we wanted to 1/2 the suicide rate we could do it.
BUT, we will be satisfied to cry about it because so much money is involved we wouldn't want to put people out of jobs...
I know someone who deliberately destroyed his body by drinking very heavily every day which destroyed his heart and bodily systems - it was a deliberate march toward death.
And then in the last couple months of his life, he barely ate any food, just whiskey. And then the last week or last several days, no food at all. He also smoked heavily from age 14 to age 62 which also destroyed his heart, gave him COPD, severely hurt his pulmonary & circulatory systems, and gave him Peripheral Artery Disease.
He also quit drinking for 3 days before his death - cessation of drinking should never be done by a severe alcoholic without being in a hospital because the shock to the body is too drastic. So the 3 days without alcohol put his body into shock & death.
So it was suicide by whiskey, bourbon, cigarettes which destroyed his body.
Many people don't realize that quitting alcohol cold turkey can kill you. Unlike quitting heroin cold turkey which makes you very, very sick but you survive. This is the reason alcoholics get the first priority in detox facilities. I suspect he knew that quitting would kill him. It's a terrible outcome in any event.
Wow this thread got to me. So sorry to everyone who has had to deal with this.
When I was in middle school a best friend of mine killed herself. Her mom, dad and baby sister were killed in an accident and she couldn't handle it. It still breaks my heart when I think about her. I'm still mad at her too.
As an adult I had the misfortune of finding a woman who OD'd on purpose. She did it with two small children in the house. I was also the one to find a man who shot himself in the head. His teenage son later hung himself. In a very public display. It was horrifying to all of us that saw it. Those images are forever in my head.
I can see why people going through so much want to end it all but it's so damn selfish to actually do it. It makes me so mad because of the damage it does to the people they leave behind, the people who love them. It's so sad.
It is sad, and I used to be of the opinion that it was selfish, also, until I read a story about a woman who tried to kill herself after her 4-year-old daughter died of cancer. She had a husband and two little boys.
She ended up in a hospital for a while, and it took some time to reintegrate with her husband and two sons, who were also mourning the loss of the daughter and then had to deal with her illness on top of it.
She said, "NOW I can see someone saying that my suicide attempt was selfish and that it would have hurt my husband and sons, but at the time I did it, I was not even capable of having such a thought. All I knew was that I had to end the pain."
We have to remember that we are sitting here looking at it as a selfish act from a logical position, but a suicidal person is not in that frame of mind. They are driven by the need to end their pain, and there isn't much room for anything else in their heads.
I have 2 friends who's sons, in high school, both took their lives unexpectedly and not too far apart in timing from each other (weeks). My one friend's son died 5 years ago yesterday. Every year she gets together with his friends and has dinner and do an activity with them to remember him.
One thing we do each and every year is the Out of Darkness Walk in memory of him. You are not only supporting a wonderful organization but learn how to understand this disease better.
My best friend committed suicide twenty years ago this August. We went through a lot together and were as close as two people can be. I will never have a friend like him again. I realize now it was one of those rare friendships that I think few people have. I will never have a friend like him again, that I know.
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I was suicidal for two years a little over 20 years ago. But I refused to go through with it because of the agony it would cause to people around me and especially my family. Finally, I did get anti-depressant medication, especially after I realized my core problem leading to them, the depression remained. Although my mood improved dramatically, I still don't see the world in that positive a light. But I do endure for the sake of preventing an even greater suffering for others AND to be in this world to lend help to those who need it.
So while I do understand suicidal urges, I don't find it the best way to help matters. All we can do is try to do as little bad in this world as possible and (better yet) help others in whatever way they really need help.
Yes. A close friend who always made everyone laugh, always a smile on his face, always wanting to make everyone in his life happy and smiling. We would meet once a month on Friday for after work drinks and the laughs we had! I will never meet anyone like him again. So full of sunshine. Greatest and nicest guy, most genuine person I ever met. Always honest. Always did the right thing, no matter what. He was liked by everyone he met. He loved music, especially U2. He loved fall...the outdoors. He loved a good party, seeing everyone happy. Kind always. He was a once in a lifetime person you meet and hope never leaves your life because he is that important. I made sure he knew this....all the time.
I didn't do enough. I didn't see enough. Because under it all, were the demons. The demons that made him one Friday night (his favorite day of the week because those were the fun nights to have laughs after a long week of work) to jump in front of a Metra train. In his full army service uniform. 9:02 PM. This was the time he would usually leave after a night of laughs and fun and start heading towards home. Thoughts never leave me of what he was thinking as the train lights came towards him. Did he want to change his mind at the last second but it was too late? Did he think of me and all the others in his life who loved him? Is he watching over all of us? There is now music up in heaven and heaven is a lot more lively now.
I miss him. I regret not seeing more. Why did he keep so much inside? Didn't he realize that things really do get better. RIP my dear friend. There will never be anyone else like you.
What a beautiful tribute.
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