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I hope he is okay. It is very easy for me, as someone who mostly has been fortunate (thanks to my parents and the accidents of birth), to say, buck up, see a therapist, take up a new occupation, but it also occurs to me that I have the inner resources to do that for myself, through accident, really, and no action on my part, just lucky circumstances. Everyone is not so lucky, is my point.
The OP has posted elsewhere as recently as yesterday.
I'm basically alone. It's up to me to make that decision - to do what I need to do to stay alive or figure out how to die. As the movie quote goes- Get busy livin' or get busy dyin'.
I don't judge if people choose to check out.
If you do want to live, though, and you're that bad, that's when drugs are helpful. I don't believe in staying on them, but they can help people get over a hump.
Next, what's helped me the most is cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). Look for a therapist who specializes in it. It's all about changing the way your mind thinks. In other words, your mind saying you're worthless, etc., needs to be challenged/changed.
One simple example of changing that, is to get out a journal and fact-check. Are you really worthless? Wait a minute, you have a bachelor's degree, right? You have a friend who calls regularly. Just whatever you can think of that shows that your thinking isn't true. And eventually, those thoughts don't last as long, because as soon as you start to think it - you know it's BS.
And there are lots of physical things you can do to feel better. Less caffeine and alcohol, more sleep, more exercise, better food, etc. Taking a shower. Brushing your teeth. Going for a walk. Doing the dishes. Doing some laundry. Even if it's just one load, etc. Just anything that makes you feel like a success. Make shorter lists, so you can feel like a success - Today, I will take a shower. Today I will wash 3 dishes. Today I will do one load of laundry. Today I give myself permission to not accomplish anything and not feel guilty about that.
So, it's not easy. I know this first-hand. But, it's up to you to come up with the energy to change. That seems impossible and I know that. But, you need to make that commitment. Heck, even the energy it would take to kill yourself would be more than you want to spend. So, spend it on living - or dying. Might as well start with making an appointment with your doctor to find out about Prozac and a referral to a counselor who understands CBT. Eh?
The OP has posted elsewhere as recently as yesterday.
Good vibes sent.
Oh, elsewhere. Well good. I didn't think to look.
There is another thread about 'have you known anyone who. . '. I've known three but only one was I close to, a fellow conducting student in university. We were all thinking he might have had AIDS, as it was ripping through the school of music at the time. Another was a boy in high school whom I barely knew but had a crush on, and the third a completely unknown person in law school.
I really hate when people do this! Gertrude Stein during the war said that one thought of suicide but one wanted "to see what would happen next." Wait and see what will happen next!! Life is really short, anyway. .
I'm still alive. Yes I go to therapy and take medication. All that that doesn't help with my pain and loss.
Thank you for kind words.
Good to hear from you!! I was worried.
I was always determined to do what I wanted (be a musician) and left the Midwest in my late teens to study in New York. 18-year-old virgin in a homemade dress, ****ty violin, didn't know beans about anything, no money, no support of any kind from anybody. I was so scared, lonely, homesick and alienated I came within a hairsbreath of throwing myself out a window. I very nearly did. And people do that, all the time. The pain of life is so great sometimes you just want it to end.
I'm glad I didn't.
Last edited by KaraZetterberg153; 02-05-2018 at 02:12 PM..
Really am not coping at all. Feel like I'm already dead myself. Its bad when I'm hoping I get run over by a car or get pushed onto subway tracks. I wish I was confident and strong enough to commit suicide. But I can't since I'm a coward .
I just want to die. I have never felt this way ever. No one cares I have no friends nothing. Countless times I'm crying on the subway and not one person said are you okay or offer a tissue nothing. Every night I'm praying that I go to sleep and don't wake up.
HUMANS SUCK.
Trust me please when I tell you that I have felt this way more times than I care to admit.
The only thing that works for me when I feel like this is to find a small group of people that you can interact with that are kind and caring. You can go to a suicide survivor group meeting, or a Unity Church (I am not religious, so Unity is just about the only church I can stand going to) or some other faith-based group (maybe a Pagan or Wiccan group if you lean that way and one is available where you live). Find a group of photographers, gardeners, musicians, historians, etc. ESPECIALLY CAR ENTHUSIASTS, SOMEBODY that you can have a common interest with and who will accept you into their fold as one of them.
You will be amazed and astounded how these people will care about you. Honest to goodness. Living our busy busy workaday life we do not make connections with people, and when we do, they are busy with their own lives, children, drama, etc. But if you find a small group of people and commit to something like I have mentioned you become family. Don't ask me how it works, but it does.
Trust me please when I tell you that I have felt this way more times than I care to admit.
The only thing that works for me when I feel like this is to find a small group of people that you can interact with that are kind and caring. You can go to a suicide survivor group meeting, or a Unity Church (I am not religious, so Unity is just about the only church I can stand going to) or some other faith-based group (maybe a Pagan or Wiccan group if you lean that way and one is available where you live). Find a group of photographers, gardeners, musicians, historians, etc. ESPECIALLY CAR ENTHUSIASTS, SOMEBODY that you can have a common interest with and who will accept you into their fold as one of them.
You will be amazed and astounded how these people will care about you. Honest to goodness. Living our busy busy workaday life we do not make connections with people, and when we do, they are busy with their own lives, children, drama, etc. But if you find a small group of people and commit to something like I have mentioned you become family. Don't ask me how it works, but it does.
Good luck to you.
Yeah, or find a really good music teacher, someone that has a proven history of producing accomplished players. Of course, practicing is a lonesome, solo activity. But later you can play in a band or orchestra!!
If not music, think about what you were drawn to as a kid.
Don't be miserable for one more moment. I'm pretty sure your parents would not want you to be. I miss my mom and dad terribly, but either one of them or both would not be happy with me if I broke down and gave up. They were depression era people who were pretty tough, lived through a world war, and would not like it if they saw me feeling sorry for myself.
I'm still alive. Yes I go to therapy and take medication. All that that doesn't help with my pain and loss.
Thank you for kind words.
A friend found a great community of friends in the Unitarian church and they are not religious but in caring about people. I met her there years ago. When she died she left some of her money to the UU church in our town.
Being of Service to others in need does fill a void for many. I have 4 good friends in my apt bldg who do t things for me and this is "service to others"... They always have a smile.
As my 91 yr old neighbor says and she struggles alone...Life Is Precious.
Get out and meet people and do for others. No siblings in your life? Mine have been 3000 miles away for 50 yrs and one just died last year. We all lose our loved ones sooner or later.
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