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Recently I started an after work hobby of pizza making. It is all math and precision and poses a great challenge which I enjoy, I love a great leisurely challenge as it relaxes me. So out of nowhere I'll get a jab like, "Who exactly do you think you are, and what are you trying to prove? Maybe instead of this house you should have bought us a pizzeria!"
She often exaggerates tasks and the extent of arguments. For example, if two things are discussed or argued over, then a day later she will often claim that it was 50 different things and make it seem as though she was totally encapsulated by these things and that the walls were closing in. Just now I had a thick pair of socks left downstairs and she decided to tell me that I was raised by wolves and never taught basic hygiene... now is that really necessary or worse, typical of a near 20 year old marriage?
Deep seated issues? Something more or less typical of a tired, aging marriage or what? Perhaps it is impossible to even scrape the surface of giving proper advice here but thought I'd just ask if anyone could relate anyway. Thanks.
Those accusations and quarrels have much deeper roots that you think. The pizza making or socks leaving are just excuse to vent.
You should sit down and have talk with your wife about things that make her unhappy. Trip to marriage counselor is advised.
Those accusations and quarrels have much deeper roots that you think. The pizza making or socks leaving are just excuse to vent.
You should sit down and have talk with your wife about things that make her unhappy. Trip to marriage counselor is advised.
She's got some anger toward you it sounds like. Does she have reason for it? I'd recommend counseling to work through it before it gets worse. It would be a shame to let it ruin a 20 year marriage. Have you asked her why she seems so irritated with you? Maybe she would like you to include her more? Is that an option?
If you haven't given her reasons to be angry, maybe she's using you as a scapegoat, which isn't okay, either.
As was stated. it's not the pizza-making or the socks, there's something going on that you're either not aware of or just aren't telling us. I was there about four years ago. Mine eventually left me.
Is this a new behavior? If you do any reading on infidelity, you will find that partners frequently report that when their spouse was cheating, he/she became very critical about small things and picked fights. Hopefully that is not what is going on here, but it never hurts to contemplate all possible scenarios.
She really should not do that to you. You cannot harass and denigrate someone and keep love alive. People are really behaving stupidly in doing this because no one with an ounce of self-respect will put up with it. They might not say anything right then, but they will resent it and sooner or later, they will act on it in some way.
IMHO, you have to speak up for yourself. If it were me, I would not let a single instance of a negative remark go by unchallenged.
"What is your problem?? Why are you picking on me?".
Maybe she doesn't like you. Maybe she doesn't like herself.
She should encourage and support you.
Is she Italian? Just joking...follow you passions and if she wants some pizza give it to her.
If she doesn't want pizza give it to somebody else.
Sounds like they are not really "baseless" at least for your spouse. Something serious is going on to show that sort of anger. Hope you can sort it out!
It sounds to me like she's scared because you're moving outside the invisible boundaries of your previous lines.
Is there a way you can incorporate her into this new interest? I agree though, seeing a marriage counselor should be at the top of your list. She needs to understand you are not moving away from her but want to include her in this new venture.
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