Why do friends intitally agree to plans then bail out at the last minute??? (introversion, introvert)
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One of my friends always cancels last minute? why would they say yes and then bail out at the last minute??? why not say no if you either don't want to or can't make in the first place??? whats up with that???
People who do that just have a hard time saying no!!!that's all.
Once you know that about this person you won't take offense any more.
One of my friends always cancels last minute? why would they say yes and then bail out at the last minute??? why not say no if you either don't want to or can't make in the first place??? whats up with that???
I think that people who are naturally inclined toward anxiety, especially people who have social anxiety, often have patterns of accepting invitations in the moment because they feel there is a certain pressure to conform to a social norm...you get invited to something social, you react with enthusiasm at being included, show appreciation for the invite, etc. They postpone dealing with the inevitable urge to decline to participate, and oftentimes know fully well within themselves that when the time comes to attend, they will not actually be participating. But, in the moment, it's easier to act the part.
Some people aren't anxious at all, they're just flakes. Or, they're disorganized and have double-booked and have to beg off something. Or, something else came up that they're doing instead.
But, if it's pattern behavior, it might be something more akin to what was described at first. People sometimes do feel pressured into accepting invitations, even if the inviter isn't actually applying any pressure.
Also, if you do have an acquaintances who frequently bails (and I do have a good friend where this is an issue, and I know for a fact that in her case, social anxiety is a big factor), you have a number of options...you can just stop extending invitations, or you can continue to extend them, but do so not really expecting the person to actually make it, and if he or she does, consider it a bonus.
If it's not a good friend, you don't necessarily have any obligation to continue to maintain social ties with him or her. If it is a good friend, it may be worthwhile to accept that aspect of his or her behavior and work around it. Up to you.
What I finally started doing when that was happening for me, was to invite people to "join" me somewhere. In other words, I was going to go regardless of whether or not they showed up. If they showed up fine, if not fine.
Yep. My aforementioned friend, this is how I phrase things. "We're going to be going to _____ next Saturday night...you should join us." "I'm doing snacks and drinks and watching the Oscars this weekend...you should come over." Making it a "This is what's going on, and you're welcome to come," but not, "This activity depends on your presence."
But this is, as you mentioned, a person who is going to be my friend no matter what, and where I don't take offense at her not participating. I also, it should be noted, rarely interact with her in a way that would require me to rely on her in a social setting (i.e. no buying tickets to things with her in mind, would never book a joint cruise or something, heck, she'd never even be my ride, etc.). She's a valued enough friend that it's worth accepting that she has some barriers when it comes to following through on social commitments...so I don't go in with the expectation of anything else, in that department. She's still able to be counted on in many other ways, just not so much for social stuff.
One of my friends always cancels last minute? why would they say yes and then bail out at the last minute??? why not say no if you either don't want to or can't make in the first place??? whats up with that???
i had a best friend like that... not anymore. i just stopped answering her phone calls, facebook and emails. i got sick of going to our meeting place and she never showed up. and this is before cell phones were common so i had no way to contact her. i hate people like that. so sophia wherewhever you are...
Some people think they should have a social life so they try to force themselves to have one - but when it comes time to follow through and meet as agreed upon, they just cannot force themselves to do it because they do not really feel like it.
One of my friends always cancels last minute? why would they say yes and then bail out at the last minute??? why not say no if you either don't want to or can't make in the first place??? whats up with that???
I don't cancel but many times I regret that I made plans. I would like to say NO more than I do but... I will say that most times I do enjoy myself. It is very rude to cancel so I would either ask your friend why he always cancels or just stop making plans with him.
I have never understood this, but continually run into these people. I myself almost never cancel plans -- especially at the last minute. There has to be a real emergency for me to bail.
But I had a friend (and we were in our forties, so it's not something just of youth) who did this all the time. She would even make the plans -- like ask if me and my kids wanted to meet her and her kids at the park or something. She'd give a time, then would run late, and then would call and say, for example, if we were meeting at 2, that she had to leave by 3 because she was meeting someone else at 3 for something. And I'd wonder WTF? Why did she even suggest the initial plans in the first place? And it irked me extra because it wasn't just me but by that point my kids had been looking forward to the outing, and suddenly it would be cancelled.
Whenever I made plans with her, I'd basically expect them to be cancelled and then I'd be surprised when they weren't.
One of my friends always cancels last minute? why would they say yes and then bail out at the last minute??? why not say no if you either don't want to or can't make in the first place??? whats up with that???
Because other things come up after those plans were made....things that are more important. It happens.
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